I come on the board and read at least 4 days a week. I have little to offer at this point , so I dont post much anymore. We have thrown ourselves into the farm....we now have 12 black angus (1 new baby just born and 3 more babies on the way), 4 miniature donkeys, 2 horses and we have 3 goats coming the first week of June. If we are not at the house we are at the farm and to be honest we are at the farm far more often. Our kiddos are doing so well, we are so very proud of them!!!Patrick will be celebrating his 13th bday this month, Emma turned 6 in Nov., Brayden turned 4 in Feb. and Sophia turned 1 in Nov.....time seems to be going by so very fast.
I have struggled a great deal the last few months, almost as severe as it was back in the very beginning. Im not sure why exactly, I only know that some days I have forced myself just to get out of bed.
I miss, miss, miss my Charlie so very much and have come to the conclusion that moving forward is the best I will ever be able to do. Move forward and live each day to the best of my ability.....love my kiddos and when times are toughest hang on tightly and hope for a brighter day come the morning.
I am a changed person, not just since Charlie died, but even more so in the last year. I have little to no desire to go out in public. I make a trip to the store a few times a week and the farm supply place a couple times a month for feed and thats about it, besides visiting family and of course our trips and camping.
I had little tolerance for petty, insignificant issues before I lost my boy and now I have NO tolerance for any of it...NONE! As time passes instead of softening, I have found I have become harder...it must not be easy to be my friend ....and I am grateful for the few who are.
Hubby and I...our relationship, though weak after losing our precious boy has now become possibly stronger than it ever was. We enjoy spending our free time side by side working on pastures and pounding fence posts....I can watch him ride the kiddos around on the tractor for hours and see him have a real smile on his face, instead of the forced ones we often wear.
We are ok.....and ok is good enough for me.
I hope everyone here has found some strength and peace. I think of each of you so very often and can see your childrens smiles when I close my eyes.
Sending strength and peace...