Good morning all,
Just a quick post to say hello. I need to get going and get some work done outside today. I decided not to go to the concert this afternoon for that reason, so I need to do what I have to while the weather is cooperating. It is a beautiful, cool day here, perfect for working outside.
Sunday night I had a good night's sleep, so I was ready for a full day at work yesterday. The day went well, and it is good to be "out of myself" for those hours and talk with other people. My job involves being pleasant and selling a product all day long, so I have no choice. After work I stopped to pick up a few groceries and met a woman I know who lost her husband four years ago. She has moved on with her life and keeps very busy, but she still misses him a lot. I guess the key is to try and keep busy, involve ourselves with something other than our loss, and keep moving on even though our lives will never be the same again. There really is no other choice (there is, but I hope that none of us are even considering that alternative).
I got through the entire day without crying yesterday until I went to bed last night, then the floodgates opened for me. I know this is a roller coaster ride of emotions which will continue for a long, long time for all of us, but crying is part of healing; and we should not try to suppress those feelings when they hit us.
Karen, I was just reading something that Hope Hospice sent me in the mail today called "Steps to Survival": IT'S OKAY TO FEEL ANGER--Everyone acts angry at the loss of love. Channel it wisely, and it will go away as you heal. Kick on a bed. Yell and scream when you're alone. Run and play hard games. Hit a punching bag. Play the piano.
I know we can't do everyone of these things, but at least we know that it is normal to feel the way we do. I am always losing my patience with everyone and everything, and I am swearing more than I ever did, but I know that it is the grief that is causing me to do these things, and that one day I will get control again. I hope that you have a much better day today.
Leo, I feel your pain in all your posts. I don't want to offer you any advice because I know you will reject it out of hand, so I will just keep quiet. You need to figure things out for yourself as you said.
Your recent photos of your garden are just beautiful. Your garden is truly lovely. I hope you spend some time sitting in it and admiring it as well as working in it so many hours.
These are difficult economic times for so many people, and many of them have curtailed their travel. That is the reason you are seeing so many empty seats on the flights, I think. That should not stop you from going though if you want to go. Look at it as a reason to be more comfortable on the flight with less people.
These are such awful days for all here, and I am glad that I can come here to read and vent although I know that it does not change things and is not a substitute for human (not computer) contact with friends and others. I dreaded going back to work a few weeks ago, and I dreaded going away this past weekend, but both things turned out reasonably well, and I am glad I made the effort because it has helped. The pain I feel over Charlie's loss is always there, but the agony and gut-wrenching feelings are starting to ease just a little since I got out of this house and away from myself.
Well, I have been on here longer than I wanted to be, so I am going to close now--my eyes are starting to fill with tears as I finish this.
Wishing all of you the strength to deal with your individual situation today and in all the days ahead. Have a pleasant and peaceful day,
Jannie