((((Gail))))) You know that I have been thinking of you.....and yes, it will be hard.
Be patient with yourself......I know you made a promise to Jolene, but please keep in mind that she would want what was best for you, and if you're not ready, I am sure she would be okay with that. Don't push yourself to hard, Jolene would not want you to be exteamly upset or even sick. However, that being said, if you have set your mind to it, and you feel you are ready, it may bring you a feeling of peace and closure.
I have no perfect answer, I am sorry......
Thinking of you and sending your strength!