Becoming more and more "real"

[browneyedgirl]

Today as I was looking at the home page, I glanced down a little further and I saw "it" - Upcoming events "Tony Repola - Angel Date"

Although I knew of course it was coming and have been thinking about it since late January.......the first anniversary of his death.  To see it there in black and white written, hit me hard.....kind of made it more real.  

I really really miss him.  Sometimes when I cry I have to remember that I am not crying for him, but the loss of my relationship with him.....I tell myself all the time that he is in a better place, and has no more sorrow.  I still have a hard time believing that he REALLY died.  My life changed forever.  I am no longer even the same person.....

I just wish I could have done more to help him.....I WISH I would have paid more attention to what was happening to him.  It seems like his death was so preventalbe.  But, it appears that God had a plan for him......

[Gail08]

Believe me when I say I FULLY understand where you are coming from when you said you can't belive he REALLY died.  There are times, the lastest one was last night, the realization just hits that Jolene is REALLY dead and I just can hardly believe it.

Please be easy on yourself about wishing you could have saved him.  I had the same problem with Jolene.  After I lost her I just thought over and over "I could have tried harder to help her" or "What could I have done that I didn't do?"  because I knew that she had a problem.  I flelt as if I failed her not only as a sister but also a friend.  I am just beginning to understand and and am working on accepting  that I did all that I could do. 

On his Angel Day you try the advice that I posted that you said you were thinking about trying.  I PROMISE you it will work.  It is what got me through Jolene's first Angel Day.

Take care of yourself.  Thinking of you and praying that you find peace.

Gail

[ScottW]

Wow - you took the words right out of my mouth.  I wish you peace.  If nothing else, please know that thoughtful posts such as yours bring comfort to others (i.e., me - it helps to know that I am not 'alone').

I hope that you also found a little 'relief' in you writing.

Thinking of you,
Scott