I've gained over 30 lbs since Vikki died. My knees ache too...I think from
the extra weight but also because It's all I can do sometimes to get out of bed and be happy about the day.
I have my grandkids, my other daughter and lord knows I want to be there
for them, it's just living with this void, this hole in my heart isn't easy.
Don..you are much more than your weight, your knee problems. You are a wonderful, loving man who lost his son. If you are like me , sometimes you feel guilty when you have a good day. I know I do. I feel guilty that I could have done more. I should have seen things that I missed. So...I punish myself. Pain of any sort is an indication of guilt [ in my opinion] Guilt always seeks punishment and punishment creates pain. Sometimes it's buried so deep inside we are not even aware of it . I know it's a useless emotion and never makes anyone feel better..and it doesn't change the situation.
I was told this by someone - I realized I felt guilty for lots of things, being
overweight, useless, bad knees, bad back...
They told me " your sentence is over , so let yourself out of prison...forgive myself.*
You know what Don, it's not easy but I have a feeling Vikki would want me to live life, to be as happy on earth as I can be.
I think Don would feel the same. Something tells me where they are, they are looking at us and saying * LIVE!!! - We'll see you one day - until that day, LIVE*
So - I try. I hope you know you are are NOT useless ..and you are not a burden.