Author Topic: So Quiet on Here  (Read 1944 times)


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So Quiet on Here
« on: February 18, 2010, 06:27:17 AM »
Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  In my earliest days of grief, I was on here, hours and hours, writing and writing.  Now I read every day but seem to be void of words.  I feel like to people, day person...working, helping, tight, walking away from stupid comments rather than responding and night person,  being just quiet, reading some, a bit of tv. and sleep.  Only to begin the same miserable existence all over again.  I am an unhappy person but now I wonder and have for a while, have I ever been happy?  I have had such turmoil in my life, with so many people dying that I think I am dead inside.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

Sara D.s mom

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Re: So Quiet on Here
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2010, 02:10:27 AM »
Rebecca, I am so sorry. I have these quiet nights too, the house is so silent.
Each day seems to be the same. I stay up not wanting the day to end without Sara, and not wanting to wake up without her again.
I miss her so much, this is torture.
This unhappiness, maybe that is why no one wants to be with me.
Or am I unhappy because they aren't here.
I feel that the people I love the best are no longer here, and I held on because I had Sara with me.
Now there is no one holding me here.

I am so sorry for your pain.
Sending you a hug,
Sara D.'s mom


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Re: So Quiet on Here
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2010, 06:26:29 PM »

rebecca & betty

after3 1/2 months i am still not sure what i feel. i did finally give in to the urge to just scream went in to the bathroom and screamed. that was a releif
i have had some quiet moments latley
i know what you mean about being unhappy good question was i ever happy. i dont think so

will i ever be happy only time will tell.


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Re: So Quiet on Here
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2010, 06:45:55 PM »
My heart is broken and so are all your hearts, yet it is somehow comforting to read what everyone has written.

Ytter's mom- I have done tons of screaming, especially in the first 6 months. I often wondered why neighbors never called the police, but then my house was pretty soundproof and they probably didn't hear me. I no longer do it, but probably should. I still cry daily and every day I "pretend" to be okay so that people at work won't avoid me. Of course, they will not mention my son, and it kills me.

Betty, I know how hard it is to want to stay here without our children. But then I think of what Michael would have wanted for me, and he would have wanted me to live and never give up -- never give up living and moving forward and looking for joy. I pray that you will find some peace.

Rebecca, I understand what you're talking about. I have the same thoughts about possibly never being happy. I thought I had a pretty good life, but I've experienced tremendous loss and pain over my lifetime. I know others have it worse and I'm not trying to compare, it's just that I think I could have handled just about anything more than I can handle the loss of my child. I have handled a lot. Nothing comes close to the pain I feel with my grief.

I pray every day for peace for everyone who's lost a child and for myself, too.

Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3


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Re: So Quiet on Here
« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2010, 09:10:15 PM »
HI Rebecca,

I am sorry your a unhappy person and hope the day will come when your not and you can laugh and feel good again.

I can remember writing and writing non stop when I came here, like you reading and writing and writing.

Please hold on Rebecca, these hard times may bring better times, I do believe it happens because it did happen for me. Fourteen years this year and at times it seems like yesterday. I don't think I started finding myself and feel some good in a day for years. Grief does so miuch, its a long hard journey to find your way through it and find yourself again, I think when I came through the hardest times of grieving I was a person I didn't know and I had to find myself again.
 I found part of me but I know I will never be the same. Maybe because that piece of my heart that left with Chad will never be filled.

Hope and love gets me through each day, I hope better days for us all.

Love Deb

Forever Loved and Missed, Chad, Chad and Cory

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Re: So Quiet on Here
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2010, 03:59:12 PM »
Deb, when did you start feeling happy again? I hope that time comes for all of us.