Somehow we keep going, even though we think we can't.
It has been two years since my Sara left, and I thought I couldn't exist one day without her. And I have done nothing to survive, just somehow drift minute to minute - never, ever looking ahead. Wondering how we live with our broken hearts.
I am so sorry for your pain, and I know it is hard to find someone to be there for you. I guess families want us to be okay, and we are not. How could we be? I know mine is like that. And our pain is in our hearts, on the inside. Although I see it in myself, others don't, or don't want to. They would rather think that we are okay, so they can go back to their world.
There are certain people that I feel comfortable enough to cry with, but they are very few. No one who hasn't experienced this knows the pain we feel, or what our lives are like now. They couldn't.
It is good that you have someone who you feel understands, even though she is far away.
I have gotten more comfort from people who never knew Sara or me, since they had been on this horrible road. And most of them have been online.
Some parents find comfort in groups, like the compassionate friends.
Days are long, nights are longer. I had to finally take medication to sleep, just to not be in pain for a while. And then maybe be with Sara in my dreams.
Most times I try to believe that this is not real, that it couldn't be real, that Sara must be out when I am home, or home when I am out. That gets me through a really difficult period of time.
I never know what to say when people ask how I am - I am not okay, but they really don't want to hear how I really am.
Please talk whenever you can.
And know that you are not alone.
Wishing you a moment of comfort,
Betty
Sara D's mom