Now is supposed to be the time of year when we celebrate what we have and enjoy the company of our family and friends. However, I find myself wishing to be alone, secluded and wallowing in the stench of my own self pity. I feel alone and segregated from the rest of society as they go onward with their lives and family reunions and joyous occasions. I sit and wrap our son’s presents by myself, an act that we enjoyed together as we would stay up late, drink and toast our son and the family we have. I weep and drench the wrappings in my tears now as that is no longer our toast or our tradition. Ours is spoiled with the resonance of sorrow and wishing for a different reality, an existence where my wife and the mother of our son is still here with us celebrating Christmas and the New Year Holiday.
Realizing that I am not alone in this pit of anguish and loss, I wish that those like me can find a small glimmer of happiness this Holiday season and that they might find joy in some fashion as the remaining days of this year fade into memory. May each of you living and surviving without their loved ones this season remember; as time passes everything changes, but our love remains the same.
I hope you all have a holiday season that brings you light and love and warms your heart in a way that no other time of year can accomplish; Bless you all, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
For My Wife:
As the days since your death have slowly clawed their way by, each and every one has left a scar as the reality of your absence burrows its way into my heart and mind like a tick. My world is less bright and overcast with doubt and uncertainty as the light of my confidant has been extinguished. I love you Lisa, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you, Mary Lou and Babcia and your sister Tammi. May you all be happy and hold each other close this Holiday season and every season to follow. I will see you and hold you in my arms again when I get there. Please keep an ever watchful eye on our son as you guide and protect him through his journey of life.
Forever in Love,
Sean