Tommorrow is 4 months

[larah]

   The 30th of Dec. will be 4 months since my brother went to Heaven. I can now talk a little bit more about the specifics of "some" of the last 18 months and I could not do that before. I hope that means I am progressing some, as I have a tendacy to disassociate from my grief until it becomes depression. Anyone else do that? How does your grief progress along? What is normal?

[browneyedgirl]

Hi Larah ~  As time is  progressing, I am able to speak of my brother without crying about 85% of the time....the other 15% I am a mess.  Although I view not crying as "healing", my heart will never heal completly.

To answer your question, "what is normal" in my opinion, NOTHING will/is (be) normal.  If I have learned one thing from my brother dying, it's that grief is unique to EACH person that it effects, and only emphized by all the posts on this web site.  And also by the way I have seen it effect my mother, my step father, my brother, my nephew, and others.  You will read here that there are simaliar feelings i.e. pain, anger and of course sadness....but I don't believe that ANYONE is the same, but I take comfort in the fact that I share the same feelings as others here, so that I know that the way I am feeling is not "crazy".  Don't push yourself to be "normal".....let YOU feel the way YOU want to. After all, nothing will ever be normal again after losing someone you care about.

Today marks 9 months since Tony became an angel....I used to dread this day, but my pain is easing....I always feel the sadness in my heart that he is not here with us, for Chirstmas, for his son's birthday....to be a part of our lives...day to day.

I hope that you will find some peace soon...

Take care of yourself.

[clc100]

The 30th will be 6 months since my brother passed away and I am really only now in a place where it does not consume me. And I will admit, medicine has been the key for me. I was in such a deep decline last month that I thought I would never get to a place where I could be sitting on top of the 6 month anniversary and not be falling apart.

I agree - grief is as unique as the person but I do believe that it is a psychic pain that is too often overlooked. I got to a point where I wanted some physical scar to show people the pain I was in. I'm only now just coming out of that.

Just keep talking it out. There is nothing more important than talking it out.

[BigSis]

Hi

Dec 12 was the first anniv of my brother's passing. It was very hard. Something about sibling loss makes you cry from the bottom of your heart esply when they go away years before the normal life span. I know he is in a good place and in peace but still miss him so much. I just treasure the memories and the good times we had.
I read about the book 'The Shack' on this board.  It was good read especially the second half when the author comes to terms with the realities of his loss.

Hang in there.  No one really understands the grief that we are going through and I find the posts here very comforting.

BigSis

[larah]

Thank you fellow sibling loss survivors for replying. There is so much guilt during the holidays too about "enjoying" the festivities or even "complaining" about anything because our siblings don't get to. But then I try to remember they are in a better place and maybe having pity for us left behind. I went on zoloft in March, so that helped the depression but everyone else is on ativan ect... which I am not. I know I am not depressed, just weirded out about losing the only person who actually experienced childhood and life through my eyes.Siblings validate our existance and our past, present and future.
The other worry I have is that the longer he is gone, that no one will remember him.Time passing makes me worry that people will no longer include him and he will be erased.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Larah;
Glad you found the site. I am sorry for the loss of your brother and of course the ache and grief that is ever present. I am sorry for your family and hope you will continue to read and write here. Some really helpful thoughts here and I agree with Browneyed girl that everyone is different in how they grieve, but we do all share some common feelings. Thinking of you.
Terri