Author Topic: When will I be able to look at a picture of my mom?  (Read 3671 times)

Linda1977

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
    • View Profile
When will I be able to look at a picture of my mom?
« on: November 02, 2009, 09:32:46 PM »
I still can't look at a picture of my mom without getting upset. I had to put up all the pictures of her.  It hurts too much even still.  Now that the weather is cooling off, it is a reminder that mom has been gone for almost a whole year.  It still doesn't seem possible that she is gone.  We never got to say goodbye, one day she was here and then because of a drunk driver, she was gone.  I feel like I am just pretending to be normal.  It was just so unexpected and so unfair. 

I know that a lot of people know this type of grief.  Up until December 2008, I never experienced such an awful feeling of sadness.  Will it get easier, or will I always be this sad?

Thanks for this forum and all of you.

Linda

Irene

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 204
    • View Profile
Re: When will I be able to look at a picture of my mom?
« Reply #1 on: November 03, 2009, 12:28:49 PM »
Hi Linda,
   Yesterday, was the 5th anniversary of my mom's passing, and I often still check in here, but felt that I needed to respond to your post. This is just my feeling, but if it upsets you to look at your mom's pictures, then by all means, keep them away until you are ready to look at them.
   I would write letters in a journal to my mom, and I found that this made it easier for me over time. For the last few years, I have found that the anniversary dates were the hardest, as I would go through the last few days of her life in my head, over and over again. On the plus side, I know that some days as in anniversary dates, and holidays are difficult, but it does get easier over time.
 I found that first year tremendously difficult, and I feel sorry that you are enduring this now. It does get easier and it does get better. Learning to live with grief is a difficult process, but please know that you will one day be able to think of your mother and smile, and the joys in your life will return. We never stop loving our mothers, but the pain does subside.
 

bluegrass1965

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 58
    • View Profile
Re: When will I be able to look at a picture of my mom?
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2009, 04:02:02 AM »
Hi Linda,
I agree, however you feel like you need to handle viewing pictures of your mom is okay--whether that is five more weeks or five years. 

I do find that it is somehow easier for me to look at pictures of my dad from earlier in his life--not the ones where he looks like he did when I last saw him. I guess there is more emotional distance, and of course with very early pictures from his childhood I never even knew him at that time.

Still it is hard.

{{{big hugs}}}

cokieslittlegirl

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 79
    • View Profile
Re: When will I be able to look at a picture of my mom?
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2009, 07:58:53 AM »
I agree, it is easier to look at old photos, even the ones I have when I was a little girl next to my Dad.  The newer ones just remind me of moments that are now frozen in time. I will never see my Dad older than 62. There will be no photos of us hugging this December or five years from now.

Although it is hard, I have kept all of mine up, put up new ones.  I have one of he and I during the summer, 5 months before he died...we're sitting on his sun porch, embraced, head to head with very sweet expressions on our faces. I can feel the love my Dad and I had for each other very strongly in that photo. ANd even though you can tell my Dad is recovering from chemo, I don't mind it, I keep it next to my bed and tell him goodnight each night.  The photo represents a magical bond between us, and reminds me that I was there always and to the end.  I would have done anything for that man.

The more I look at the photos, the easier it becomes...although it is a long process. Some days, when I am sick about his death, I can't look.  I wonder Linda if maybe you eased yourself in to this...maybe start with an older photo?  Sometimes the more we push things away, the harder they are do deal with later.  Just a thought.  I feel your pain too Linda. Strength to you.

bluegrass1965

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 58
    • View Profile
Re: When will I be able to look at a picture of my mom?
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2009, 08:39:47 PM »
Another thing that I have found comforting is looking of pictures that my dad *took*, but was not actually in.  There were some real classics over the years, including pictures of all his cars, places we went, us kids when we were small.  Somehow knowing that he was the one holding the camera that day feels like a connection to him, but for me it is easier than looking at a picture OF him.

Linda1977

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 10
    • View Profile
Re: When will I be able to look at a picture of my mom?
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2009, 09:46:54 PM »
Thank you for all your posts back to me.  I can't tell you how comforting it is to know others know how this feels.  However, it makes me sad that all of you have dealt with grief.  I know that it is a part of life.

 The hardest is not being able to say goodbye to my mom.  I know that my mom always felt love from all of us though.  That makes me feel good to think about.  Also, our dad is still with us and that has been causing some sadness for all of us.  Just watching him grieve and being alone for the first time in his entire life. 

I have wonderful pictures of my mom.  I just can't look at them without crying and I am so tired of crying.

Thanks again!  Peace and comfort to all of you.....

Linda