Author Topic: angry at god  (Read 5503 times)

pepper309

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angry at god
« on: October 16, 2009, 11:59:21 PM »
I was doing pretty good until this last weekend.  I was taking my dogs for a walk near my house when it hit me all of a sudden.  I started thinking about the last time that Isaw my brother drive down that road and I remember how happy and care free he looked.  I started crying because I knew that would never be able to see him that way again.  I would give anything to argue with him again or to even have him tease me again like little brothers do.  It just sucks that I have to listen to people come up to me in Walmart and tell me how they heard about him and about how sorry they are.  It sucks that I had to put his ashes in a locket so that I could have him with me.  it just doesn't make any sense to me.  There are awful horrible people out there and God could have picked them to die but he chose Boz instead.  I went to church a couple of weeks ago and I almost walked out. I decided that I'm not going back for a long time because it just too hard.  I'm so angry at God and I don't feel like singing songs about how damn wonderful he is.  So I just needed to rant.  Thanks to whoever reads this.

Luvinmike

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2009, 04:56:34 AM »
(((Pepper)))
I am sorry about your brother Boz. It is so hard to make any sense of these losses in our lives. Your subject line grabbed my attention this morning as I felt the same way. I woke up early and just could not stop crying. I sometimes get really angry at the world and why this happened to my husband. I don't feel anger at God, I just feel confused. I wish we could have our loved ones right by our side as we want them to be.
I hope today is okay for you and I am thinking of you. Sending you strength to get through the hours, one small step at a time.
Terri

browneyedgirl

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2009, 01:38:50 PM »
Pepper ~ All too well, I remember my anger with God....I know how you feel.  I am so sorry for your hurt

Eventully, it subsided, I hope it does with you...but seemed to be transferred to other aspects of my day to day life, the anger that my brother will not be here to share holidays, birthdays or day to day activites with me, his son or any other members of my family or his friends. 

I hope that you feel at least a little better really soon.

Take care
Tony Repola 07/20/66 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

pepper309

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2009, 10:40:27 PM »
I went on a hike today and felt better.  It is hard to be angry at God when everything around you is so beautiful.  I guess I'm just frustrated right now.  I see how hard all this is on my Mom and I want to be there for her and live my own life at the same time.  I don't want to get weighed down in grief because I've been severely depressed in the past (a really long time ago, thank goodness) and I don't want to go through that again.  There are times when I try to just think of me and my remaining brother as all there ever was.  Like Boz was never here.  I know that would put me in denial about his death, but it feels better than what's actually real.  I'm not going to totally push my feelings away, but there are times that I somewhat suppress them just to make it through the day.  For instance, I am a massage therapist and sometimes clients talk during sessions.  When the subject of family comes up I try really hard not to mention Boz.  I have a couple of times because people have talked to me about a death in their family.  I have thought about quitting my job a couple of times because I was at the point where I didn't really care about anyones aches and pains but my own.  I guess I will eventually work it all out in my own way.  Thanks for listening

BigSis

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #4 on: October 18, 2009, 04:56:06 PM »
Hi Pepper

I lost my dearest brother last Dec and it still hurts. He was in the beginning stages of kidney failure but he was stable and exercising a lot. I went to about 22 religious places last summer and prayed so much for his long life. When he passed away suddenly, I felt cheated and felt as tho all our sincere prayers were not heard. However some things are meant to be and we all are here for a certain length of time.

Walking, praying, meditating has really helped. You realize that there is no such thing as death and we are all connected by love. However sometimes I still cry my eyes out when I think of him. Sibling loss especially when they are taken away before the normal life span is very very hard. No one really understands and this board has been of great help.  The rest of my family -  my husband and children do not understand.  There is a  deep pain in yr heart that takes time.  Reading the posts in this site has been very comforting. Do share with us the good memories about your brother.

Take care,

BigSis


YoungerSis

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2009, 10:45:11 AM »
I too felt (and still feel?) alot of anger with God since losing my sister.  Last January, I had taken her to see a faith healer.  At the healing service, many stories were told of people who were "cured" after attending.  I had such high hopes for my sister, and was very upset and angry when she continued downhill afterwards.  Angry at God, angry with the faith healer, etc.  It does subside a little with time, though.

Crow

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2009, 03:39:16 PM »
I have the same feelings. My brother, while doing some stupid stuff of course, was a good person overall. I tried to find a reason for his death but couldn't. My grandma told me "he proved himself early to God." After thinking about that a bit, even if it was true, how could "God" take someone and leave pain for so many people? Over 600 people showed up for his memorial (which was downright shocking for my family, we were expecting less than 100).

I had my doubts long before my brother died. I over thought everything all the time when I went to church to a point where I realized it didn't make sense. I've declared myself agnostic since then. I won't walk into any church because what they say sometime infuriates me because I can find fault.

Luckily my family (who are mostly Christians) was understanding to this decision of mine. If you are angry at "God" just let him go and see what else there is. Keep an open mind to others' beliefs and stand up for your own even if it is hard. I think bringing myself away from religion helped me to look at just the world instead of who would take a wonderful life from it.
Ben

(Jan 11, 1990 - Jun 17, 2009)

Gail08

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2009, 03:48:48 PM »
Pepper,
I am so very sorry for your loss.  I Know EXACTLY what you were feeling when you realized you would never see your brother like that again.  I am still having things just pop into my head out of nowhere of realization that I will never be able to do with my dear sister again and it has been 1 year and 1 month since she has been gone.  When these realizations hit they literally take my breah away and I too start to cry.

As far as your anger toward God, if you were very religious before your brother's passing you will be able to work through that anger in time.  My cousin had the same problem when he lost his brother and he worked through that anger.

Just keep your brother's memory alive and you will be able to stay strong.  When my cousin first told me this I didn't really understand it but over time I do.  And you will too.  The main thing to remember is that you are not alone.  All of us here are walking with you.


Gail
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laurenE

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #8 on: December 15, 2009, 05:10:41 PM »
You might want to check out  the book

"The Reason For God: Belief in the age of skeptism"
By Timothy Keller

sevenofwands

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Re: angry at god
« Reply #9 on: December 15, 2009, 05:54:46 PM »
Hello to all:

It is hard when a loved one departs this world.  We would like them to live forever.  Will people live forever some day, thousands of years hence?  I don't know.

I don't think there are reasons for death, or why one person goes at a certain time while another goes at an earlier or later time.  We are mortal and programmed to die.  Maybe this is stating the obvious;  but I really do not think (IMO) that "God" takes anyone.  Illness takes people, as do accidents, and in many cases, old age.

I have to agree a lot with what Crow says.  I find myself too in the agnostic stance.  Then again, there is the saying where I used to live: "God writes straight but in crooked lines". 
I could not even imagine myself trying to second-guess what a god might or might not do.

It takes a while to work through losses.  We feel so bereft.

Best to all

Seven