Author Topic: Thanksgiving Canada  (Read 5142 times)

Irene

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 204
    • View Profile
Thanksgiving Canada
« on: October 12, 2009, 04:55:10 AM »
Hi,
   It's been a very long time that I have written to this board. Many of you will not know of me, but for years I was a regular contributor. Today, is the Canadian Thanksgiving, and I wanted to acknowledge part of the reason that I was able to keep going after my mom died. My mom died suddenly in November,2004.
   She hadn't been feeling well for a few months, and the doctor had diagnosed her with lactose intolerance. On Thanksgiving weekend, we would always get together, and I would cook the meal. On that last Thanksgiving weekend, I asked my mom about getting together, and she was neutral about it, which was honestly hurtful to me, but in hindsight there's been guilt about the fact that no one knew just how sick my mom really was.
   We did get together after all. My mom came out of her bedroom to eat the meal, but half way through she said that she didn't feel well and left to go back to her bedroom. This was the last Thanksgiving we shared. Two weeks later, she was admitted to the hospital for tests, and three days later she died. The diagnosis had been wrong, and what my mom had was actually gangrene in her bowels.
   I loved my mom more than words could ever say(and still do).  After she died, I was absolutely in complete despair. I found this site, and would correspond with people regularly. It was a lifeline for me. I don't know if many are still on this site, that were on when I joined, but one that was and still is, is Lauren. I am thankful that she was here to listen. Thank you as well to Tom Golden for hosting this site. It truly is a godsend.
   Those last few memories of my mom, pop into my head every year at this time, and revolve around continually till the anniversary date of her death is passed.
  Five years ago, I would never have thought I could live through the grief that consumed my life. I still miss my mom every day, but know that she is still with me in spirit. I want to give others the hope to go on.   

georgiapeaches

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 989
  • For mom, dad, Johnny & rock you left to soon!
    • View Profile
Re: Thanksgiving Canada
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2009, 06:06:26 PM »
HI Irene,
My name is georgia, I'm glad you came back to the site to talk. I am sorry about what happened to your mom. I agree that this site is a lifeline, it has been great for me and a real godsend. Its very nice to meet you.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

tsurandy

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 259
  • Peggy's Boy
    • View Profile
    • Randell Wheless
Re: Thanksgiving Canada
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2009, 06:12:08 PM »
Irene it is nice to meet you!  Your post is so right, this forum is a lifeline.  I am so sorry about your mother, the loss of my sweet Mama is what brought me here, I miss her everyday~!
Peggy's Boy

Irene

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 204
    • View Profile
Re: Thanksgiving Canada
« Reply #3 on: October 13, 2009, 05:50:35 AM »
Thanks to you both,
   I still come to read the messages often, so I am aware of you both. It's nice to meet you too. I used to come on here, every day and especially in the beginning, I would write my feelings down. It was enormously helpful. Yesterday, was one of those days, that just writing down what was going on in my head-helped.
  Yesterday, I went to see my dad in the nursing home. He has a fair amount of confusion now and usually asks why our mom, isn't coming to see him. That's a hard one. I know how much he loved her. Thankyou. 

cokieslittlegirl

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 79
    • View Profile
Re: Thanksgiving Canada
« Reply #4 on: October 13, 2009, 06:49:35 AM »
Thank you Irene. Your message brings me some peace of mind. I am so sorry about the loss of your mom. I lost my Dad last Feb and I am sick without him. He was the one true and sure thing I had in my life and we had a very strong connection. I am 33 and he was 62...so much more time to be had. Some days, moments, I honestly do not want to live...everything in my life feels unimportant, useless.  Other moments, I find the strength through my Dad to push on and work through it.  I hope that one day, like you, I will find some peace and maybe myself again.

Thank you.

laurenE

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1439
    • View Profile
Re: Thanksgiving Canada
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2009, 07:08:53 AM »
Irene,

Good to see you again!  Happy Thanksgiving!  I hope you were able to enjoy the day of turkey and dressing and lots and lots of pies (do Canadians do that?)

 I know these holidays tug at my heartstrings as well.  And then the anniversary date.  I was so honored to be here for you 5 yrs ago.   You were there for me as well, as the two of us tried to walk this grief path together,sanely,  after the loss of our mother.  Losing a mother is such a confusing time.  It changes a person.  I am changed but in different and still confusing ways.   

You have come a long way in your grief and pain.  I have seen much growth and insight spring forth over the years that you have been here.   I'm so sorry for your fathers confusion.  That would be tough, trying to explain to him why your mother is not visiting.  How heartbreaking.   My gpa is not quite as confused but he does have his moments regularly.   

Its so good to hear from you again.  I wish you peace, love, and healing.

Your friend always,
lauren

Irene

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 204
    • View Profile
Re: Thanksgiving Canada
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2009, 06:23:29 AM »
Hi,
   Cokie's little girl- I'm happy to give you some peace of mind. I used to come on here, and I think I would be a little envious of those that had some time to adjust to their grief, and still be able to live and breathe. My mom was my biggest supporter throughout my life. My husband and children love to repeat the story of how I tried out for the school choir in grade 4. My mom had always told me I had a beautiful voice, and well--I didn't know any better. I was singing my heart out, and the choir director leaned forward. I thought she couldn't believe how good my voice was. She tapped me on the head, which was the signal, that I wasn't good enough, and I was devastated. My mom, had to pick up the pieces of my devastation, and also encourage my sister who not only made the choir, but travelled through Europe with a specialty group. I smile when I tell this story, as I know my mom had a tough role, but she did it well.
   I was in the funeral "welcoming" line for my mother, and an acquaintance who recently lost her own mother, walked up to me and told me,"the hole will get smaller." I found that bit of advice, profoundly helpful. That hole does get smaller.
I know that no holiday will ever be the same without my mom. I still miss her and wish she were here every day, but she would have wanted me to be happy with my life, and I'm thankful I have been able to see that through time.
   Lauren-You do wonderful work on this board. I would come on here,when my mom died, with tears falling on to the keyboard, as I typed away all my thoughts. For never having met, I can say you are still a phenomenal friend. Yes, we have turkey and stuffing and pie and way too many calories here too. Thank you.

 

bluegrass1965

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 58
    • View Profile
Re: Thanksgiving Canada
« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2009, 09:51:22 PM »
Thank you for posting Irene, you have given me hope that I can be functional five years from now and maybe help someone else.  Right now it feels like I am wading through molasses and the grief is so bewildering.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving! 

Irene

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 204
    • View Profile
Re: Thanksgiving Canada
« Reply #8 on: October 19, 2009, 05:56:38 AM »
Thank you Bluegrass,
    I did have a nice Thanksgiving. I think that things will never be the same as they were 5 years ago, but I have learned that dealing and learning to live with grief,has given me a strength, I didn't know that I had.
   My message was meant to give others hope, and I'm glad that it has worked for you. Best wishes.