Author Topic: New to sharing grief  (Read 8162 times)

griefstruck

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New to sharing grief
« on: December 19, 2006, 04:07:40 PM »
Hi all..

Found this site after reading the book " dont let death ruin ur life" ...I dnt know whether I wud be able to express my grief...I have lost my younger sister last yr and still cant overcome the grief...I dream abt her everyday...and always wish she were alive...We had not met for 1 year when she died and I dont even know the real cause of her death...Her husband says she died of food poisoning....

I still feel guilty for not talkin to her for long....I feel guilty for this to happen...I dont know how to cope with this....I dont talk to anybody abt my grief.not even to my husband becoz I believe he wont understand my loss....

middle sis

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Re: New to sharing grief
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2006, 05:03:19 PM »
Sorry hear about the loss of your sister.  Talking is what seems to have helped me. Maybe thats what you need to do. And if not thats fine too. You have to find what works for you. I don't talk with my husband about it either, I know he just won't understand. I even kind of glad he doesn't understand. If he did, then it would mean he would have had to lose a sibling.
A year isn't a very long time. You have all those firsts to overcome. Be kind to yourself, it will take time. I feel you are blessed to dream about your sister daily. I have had maybe two dreams, in 8 years, I truely wish there would be more. Just hang in there and share more if you would like.
Take Care

Sad Eyes

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Re: New to sharing grief
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2006, 08:24:36 AM »
Hi griefstruck,

First of all I am so sorry for your loss.  Like Middle Sis I find comfort in talking to others about my grief.  It helps to talk to others who understand what we are going through.  Please don't feel guilty about issues that were beyond your control.  I have dealt with guilt issues too and it really tears a person apart.
My brother was murdered and I deal with the "if onlys",  if only I would have been there maybe I could have saved him,  if only I would have talked to him more maybe I would have known something was wrong...........and the list goes on and on.

Take care and let us know how you are doing.

ljcs

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Re: New to sharing grief
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2006, 09:58:42 PM »
Hi griefstruck, welcome to the board. I am so, so sorry to hear about your loss.  I completely understand about your guilt...the day before I lost my older brother I walked right by him. I didn't even utter a simply "hi"...I said nothing...it still haunts me to this day, but I find comfort in knowing that he now knows how much I loved him and how much I still do love him.  I think as cliche as it sounds, it does help to talk to someone.  As many times as I could tell someone that though, I still have trouble doing it myself.  I think that's why I find so much comfort on this board...we all have a mutual understanding of one another's pain...unfornately.  If you can't feel like you can talk to anyone maybe writing could help you....that's usually my escape.  Sometimes I write letters to my big brothers who I've lost or I just write in a journal.  If you ever need to chat or vent or just talk about something as simple as the weather...remember we're here, ok? Take care.
« Last Edit: December 21, 2006, 10:22:00 PM by ljcs »
R.I.P. JDJ 1980-2004 & JWJ 1974-2006. My bros are back together again - oh my is Heaven in trouble. :)

griefstruck

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Re: New to sharing grief
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2006, 09:29:04 AM »
Hi all,

I am checking this site after,say 10 days. I had this fear that noone wud reply me...but when I saw responses, I cannot express how happy( yeah, thats the right word!) I felt...happy becoz now I know there are people out here who understand how I feel....Thanks to all of you for ur support..

I had a question....I had many gifts given to me by my sis...but when she passed away, I donated most of it to charity because just looking at it brought me to tears...but now I miss having those with me...I still have one necklace she gave and when i wear that, I feel close to her..is it normal??? I wish I had more of her stuff to remember her..I have kept all of our together photos..its still difficult to look at them...but my childhood is shared with her..

whenever I tell my husband any account of my childhood, I dont mention but I start missing my sister......


Sad Eyes

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Re: New to sharing grief
« Reply #5 on: December 29, 2006, 12:28:56 PM »
Griefstruck,

To answer your question, I think everything that you are feeling is normal. Don't let anyone dictate how you grieve.  Everyone needs to work through the pain at their own pace.  I hope that this makes you feel a little better.

Sometimes when I know that I am going to have a stressful day, I will wear my Mom's wedding band.  It just makes me feel better, kind of like I still have her around to lean on.

I have a BIG trunk stored in my basement that has photos, family history items. newpaper articles about my brother's murder, stuff from my sister and my parents special items.  I hardly ever "visit" these items, it's just too painful.  Things that should bring good memories, just make me feel their loss over and over again. 

Hang in there and know that someone is always around to lean on.  That is what this board is all about.

Jeanneb

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Re: New to sharing grief
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2007, 04:59:36 PM »
Hi,

Thought for whatever reason today I would check out the sibling loss board.   You see, normally I post on the child loss board for I lost my youngest son 3.5 years ago.

Yet, I have a bond with those of you here also.  I lost my brother, 10.6 years ago. Both my brother and son died from automobile accidents, in the same town, on the same day the 21st.  My brother, Bruce died on June 21 and my son Philip died 7 years later on July 21.

I tried so very hard to keep my brother's memory alive to my kids.  How they loved their Uncle Bruce.  He was the cool one who refurbished cars, especially corvettes.  That is how he died, in his corvette, lost control with his best friend in front of him.  Then, my son Philip, lost control of his truck also his best friend in the car in front of him.  Oh how Philip was going to be like Uncle Bruce and one day own his own corvette.

So I guess, they are up in heaven together, working on corvettes knowing all the well that Philip's mom never wanted him to have one of those cars.  How silly of me, I thought if I kept him away from corvettes I'd keep him safe.

Share your siblings with all who will listen.  Talk about them with your family and especially with their moms.  We moms never get tired of talking about our kids no matter if they are earthly or heavenly.

Jeanne