Author Topic: How long til I feel 'normal' again?  (Read 7375 times)

YoungerSis

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How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« on: August 20, 2009, 06:00:30 AM »
How long does it take to feel somewhat 'normal' again?  Some days I feel pretty good, and I am grateful for those days.  Other days, like today, I just don't care!  I don't care about my job, I just want to veg out on the sofa in the evening, and this is so not like me!

I am so mad at myself because it has been almost 4 months since losing my sister, and I should be feeling better by now, shouldn't I?

Jeanneb

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2009, 07:25:46 AM »
YoungerSis,

I believe you might be expecting wayyyy toooooo much of yourself wayyyyy toooooo early.

Now I realize there is absolutely no time limit to grief and I believe society at large seems to put a year time line on grief, so with even that you are still early on this journey.  I don't think there is a specific time for any of this... it is just what  you can do and deal with on a moment to moment basis.

6 years without my youngest son and 13 years without my brother and "normal" well not sure what that word even means anymore.  I do realize that I can't go back to what was and everytime I think I've reached this new "normal" something else upsets that balance, so I'm learning to go more day by day and just ride the wave.

That is how I describe my grief.... waves.... somedays they are just gently flowing in and out and others the seas are rough, rocky and full of undertow.  Life does call you back, you wake up one day and realize there are more good days than bad and memories bring more smiles than tears.  As hard as it can be I would say try to just  ride the waves.  If it is a bad day than let yourself feel that... if it is a good day than go with it.... you have to let yourself go through the process otherwise it will come back to you later.  We learn to walk with our grief, can't go around or avoid it... it always manages to catch up to you.

So hold on tight and know that you don't walk alone... we are here to walk with you.

Hugs,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

YoungerSis

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2009, 08:50:05 AM »
Thank you, Jeanne!  Just reading your words felt like a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. 

I guess I have always been rough on myself and expecting too much --- in everything -- my career, running my household, etc.  So I guess I am trying to be the same in my grief. 

Today is a bad day -- I'm sitting in my office working through tears -- so I will just ride out this day and accept it for what it is.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Again, thank you so much for your reply!  It is so kind of you to offer your words of advice and sympathy, while going through your own grief process. 

Hope your day is a good day!

browneyedgirl

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2009, 10:14:46 AM »
Dear Youngersis ~ August 29th, will be four months since my brother died. 

I am starting to feel a little better than I used to, but as I have sad in my prevoius posts, the sadness and greif lurk in the back of my head every day like a little monster tormenting me.  Sadness that Tony is not here with us, with me, with his son, with our family. 

I agree with everything Jeanne has said, that was a great post. 

I am so sorry that you are having a bad day, I know what those are like. 

Take care of yourself and remember, grief is an indivdual process, I believe that no one handles it the same way. 
Tony Repola 07/20/66 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Jeanneb

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2009, 01:03:27 PM »
You are so right browneyedgirl... no one handles grief the same way.

Just know I'm thinking of you both and wishing each of you a little peace today and every day.

Deep breaths and baby steps.... sending a big cyber hug

Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

laurenE

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2009, 02:33:54 PM »
I was thinking back to when I lost my mom 7 yrs ago.   At 4 mos,  I was just thawing out from shock.   It was at that point that I started going to counseling.  I definately didnt feel "normal" again for over a year.   I had other circumstances that complicated it,  so hopefully it wont take that long for you.   

As everyone said here,  give yourself a break.   Its not been that long at all.

lauren

YoungerSis

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #6 on: August 21, 2009, 07:25:52 AM »
Thanks to all of you for reading and replying.  Today is a better day than yesterday.

By the way, Jeanne, I really like your phrase "deep breaths and baby steps"!  I find I am repeating that to myself when I am feeling stressed or anxious.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you today!

Gail08

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2009, 02:46:35 PM »
YoungerSis,
     I don't think you will ever feel 'normal' again.  You just have to go at your own pace and live life as only you know how.  By that I mean that we all here understand your pain but only you know what you need to do to start moving forward.  We all need different things to start our journeys forward.  I know it is hard to start that journey.  It has been 10 months since I lost my sister and I have not really gotten started  on my journey.  You just have to go at your own pace.  It is your grief and your journey.   All of us here understand your grief we just can't say what is right for you.  My support is with you always.

Gail
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BigSis

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #8 on: August 22, 2009, 06:13:09 PM »
YoungerSis

The pain is deep. We have to do different things to take our minds off this intense heart aches. It is more than 9 months since my dearest brother passed away  and I still cry and cry specially when I am alone driving from and back to work. Going for long walks has helped.  Tho one day I went to a beautiful park near my house, sat in front of the lake and cried my heart out. I have taken up swimming and that has helped me so much. We all have to do our own thing to heal.

Take care

BigSis

YoungerSis

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Re: How long til I feel 'normal' again?
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2009, 06:58:57 AM »
Thank you, Gail08 and Big Sis.  It is helpful to hear that what I am going through is okay, and may or may not be what everyone else is says is okay for me.

I wish you peace and healing on your own journeys through grief!