I am just going into my second year, I lost my husband 6.3.08, and this has been much more difficult than the first year. I think the first year I was in such shock (he was only 56), disbelief, denial, anger, making deals with God... just waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Now I know I will never see Ron in this life. I still work but other than that I isolate myself from most everyone. I just can't stand to pretend that everything is getting back to "normal". Everyone's life has moved on and mine ended that horrible day. I would rather be with my dogs, in the home that I shared with my husband, than anywhere else. I have been told that this is not good for me but this is the way I want it to be. The one thing I have learned from this is that I do what I want, when I want and I really don't care what anyone else thinks. I have always been told that things will get better, easier but it hasn't for me. I have just learned to control my emotions, put on that fake smile and deal with it until I can run home. I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life like this. This was not how it suspossed to be for us. I can't get past it. I miss him so much.
Wishing some peace for us all.