Author Topic: 14+ months  (Read 3206 times)

futbllwmn

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14+ months
« on: August 14, 2009, 11:43:01 PM »
I am just going into my second year, I lost my husband 6.3.08, and this has been much more difficult than the first year.  I think the first year I was in such shock (he was only 56), disbelief, denial, anger, making deals with God... just waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare.  Now I know I will never see Ron in this life.  I still work but other than that I isolate myself from most everyone.  I just can't stand to pretend that everything is getting back to "normal".  Everyone's life has moved on and mine ended that horrible day. I would rather be with my dogs, in the home that I shared with my husband, than anywhere else.  I have been told that this is not good for me but this is the way I want it to be.  The one thing I have learned from this is that I do what I want, when I want and I really don't care what anyone else thinks. I have always been told that things will get better, easier but it hasn't for me.   I have just learned to control my emotions, put on that fake smile and deal with it until I can run home.  I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life like this.  This was not how it suspossed to be for us.  I can't get past it.  I miss him so much. 

Wishing some peace for us all.





sevenofwands

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Re: 14+ months
« Reply #1 on: August 15, 2009, 05:40:51 AM »
Hello FBW:

Very sorry to hear you are going through these difficult times.  There is no timetable where loss is concerned - a year, two, or three.  Who knows.

The way you are dealing with your grief is your way.  You wish to isolate yourself from most everyone.  That is entirely your choice, and the way you want to do it.  Maybe it is not a good idea, but it is what YOU want to do.  Perhaps faking is not a good idea either, but again, that is your way of coping, YOUR way.  What other people think is beside the point.

You say: " I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life like this". 
You probably will not spend the rest of your life like this, nor I dare say, would you want to. 

It is very hard.  Life can often be a great struggle.

All the best
Seven

kevinjj

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Re: 14+ months
« Reply #2 on: August 15, 2009, 07:57:58 AM »
Hi FBW, Im so very sorry for the loss of your husband. I dont think our 'new normal' is ever  as complete as we deserve it to be and want it to be. My brother lost his wife over 14 yrs ago and he told me he still has a real bad day every once in a while. I wish I had some words to ease your sadness but we know the feelings well. I learned to sort of go with the flow and it passes but it really doesnt make it any easier some times. It seems too if another problem crops up, then grief pain wants to set in again. Im hoping your spirits will lift a bit today. 

teppuM999

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Re: 14+ months
« Reply #3 on: August 15, 2009, 08:24:54 AM »
sending you good thoughts
your statement about not being able to imagien living the rest of your life like this sounds so true to me. and my horror is that i'm 25, and i don't know how long i'll be alive but the prospect of so much time without him scares me to death.

isolation and faking are familiar, too.
and what kevin said about a new problem starting the frief goign again also rings true. espeically if the person lost was your primary support, it's hard to get through even little things without them. little splinters become railroad spikes, you know?

again, sending good thoughts.

"Don’t say we have come now to the end. White shores are calling. You and I will meet again. And you’ll be here in my arms, just sleeping."