What an Awful Nightmare.....

[Dena]

On Saturday morning, which is the day of the week Josh died, I sat straight up in bed at 7am - just like that morning.

I heard the front door open & shut and I heard subdued voices.  In terror, I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs in a state of sheer panic.  It was nothing, my husband was sleeping & so was Jenni.

I can't stand those nightmares and I thought they had stopped finally.  But they haven't.  Do they ever?

We also took a drive by our old "home" over the weekend.  Someone bought the property, tore the house down and is in the process of having a new basement poured.   It is like we were never there. 

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

[Rebecca]

Dear Dena:  Life changes, and there is not a dam thing we can do about it.  I am sorry for your nightmare.  I wonder why nightmares happen.  I always dream that I am in our old home, in NY, I see everything, the kitchen, etc. and I am in the dream, as if I am doing what I did.  Life changes, and there is not a dam thing we can do about it.
Rebecca, Jason's Mom and thinking of your Josh... who looks like such a sweetheart.

[Adams Brokenhearted Mama]

Dena, I sit here reading and re-reading your post and unsure of what to say. I know that while we all seemingly move on to whatever extent with our altered lives, a part of us stays very much stuck in the events of our tragedies. Your PTSD reaction is a symptom of your grief and I imagine the anniversary date triggered those emotions to manifest.
I imagine that it would be very, very difficult to see the home where you all lived, shared so many memories not exist any longer. It makes you stop and think how transient life can appear to be.
I hold you and your angel Josh close to my heart as you weather out this very difficult ten year anniversary.
XO Paula

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

(((( Dena)))) Oh my that is so sad... I think like Paula said the PTSD kicks in harder on those "dates" and it's horrible... It's hard to shake the feeling after it happens isn't it? Your house being torn down is sad too,, like Paula said all those memories. I remember the first time I saw the house Caleb ( Taylor's best friend that died with him) and his mom lived in and it was torn down,,,, just gone !! Wow it was shocking to say the least.... Im saying JOSH OUTLOUD right now... I love that name, it's one I thought of naming my Tay before he was born... Love you,,, Brenda

[Terry]

These nightmares, Dena and day terrors, as I call them because they happen am & pm, are so much worse around any date, any memory....gee, they can be bad all year long, but they really come full force before a date. And, I don't know why so much 'before' but for me, that seems to be when things are worse. The actual day I seem to breathe deep, like, OK it's here and I have survived...again.
 
It's pain and fear and just the way things are after we bury our children. And, it must have been difficult seeing the 'house' again and I'm sure left its tracks in your heart and in your memory.

Sending you the biggest hug. (((((((Dena)))))))

My Love,
Terry