death of my boyfriend

[teppuM999]

socal:
i'm not sure how i'm doing, really. atleast i'm not dead, but i'm having a harder and harder time convincing myself that that's enough. i've been spending more time somewhere where i won't feel bad/guilty for talking about that.

lauren:
my stance on dreams may be unpopular but i don't believe we know enough about them to say what they are or are not definitively.

i believe that people who die can communicate with us via dreams. one of my aunts has tons of precognitive dreams.

however, i don't believe that every single dream is something special.  i believe there are different types of dreams, some come from inside, some come from outside.

[SoCal2010]

I read something interesting about dreams and depression. It said depression is caused from unsettling emotions that come out in dreams. These emotions are overpowering us when we sleep, so they interupt our "deep" dream cycle and we don't get enough restorative sleep. They said the person wakes up tired because of this. The sense of exhaustion adds to the depression. Then the person gets more energy as the day progresses, which I know is true for me. The mornings I feel half-dead and emotionally frail.

The only way to break the chain is to change the way you look at whatever the unsettling thing is. In the case of a death, I don't see how you can change the way you look at it since it's permanent. I guess becoming more spiritual would help. Or maybe focusing on how grateful you are to have had them in your life instead of focusing on losing them.

It's so hard though. I wake up everyday in a depression. I'm starting to remember my dreams. They are all about her and most are about regrets. Lately I've been wishing we took her to a different hospital. I don't know, but I guess my new normal is that I'll be waking up sad forever.

[teppuM999]

thanks for thinking about me

i'm not sure what it means, it's from twilight? i haven't read it/seen it
i think it's reasonable to grieve the end of something...

edit: now this post makes no sense because the picture is gone? moderator maybe?