Author Topic: Which Is It ???  (Read 7265 times)

Brun~Jims~ mom

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Which Is It ???
« on: December 18, 2006, 11:26:57 PM »
I was just wondering if anybody else is experiencing these symptoms ?

Looking back to the weeks and months shortly after Jims death I call an insane time. I feel I was insane !!

It wasn't til  months that I went to the doctor and therapy for the brain blackouts I was experiencing and was put on every type of anti depressant without much success. I couldn't tolerate any of them.
Within the last 2 years things have gotten softer , yes....except for certain times and certain triggers.
What I am experiencing though is that my memory is better but I have a whole lot of problems with short term memory and at times even speech. I seem to lose time too.......days gone by seem like just a day on certain things.

The episode I had last week really did a trip on my memory and it it taking days for the half memory I had to even come back.
I tend to have the same probs with sleeping. l
Last week sleep was almost non existent.....and this week I'm sleeping like a bear.

I can't figure myself out any more and feel like my being....has become unpredictable not knowing what is going to react to what at which time??? Almost think my brain got fried somehow when he took his last breath !!!

Any suggestions or any one have this ?????

Hugs,
Brun

starynyte

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2006, 04:15:10 AM »
Dear Brun,

Time has done a number on me too! Those first two years felt like a time warp. A week felt like a day, a month felt like a week, nothing made sense. I couldn't remember a thing, and still have a hard time after 3 years, but I am getting better with it in this past year. Everything you described is normal, and I think it's just our brain's way of protecting us from the full impact of what has happened. You are not insane! but grief sure can make us feel that way.

When we have an extreme trigger/reaction like you did last week, and we give into it, allow ourself to grief as deeply as we can, it takes a lot out of us, hense the sleeping like a bear. We sometimes don't know what to even do for ourselves, yet our bodies do instinctivly. I think we try sooo hard to manage every day, hold it all back in order to be able to function, then something triggers us, and a griefburst happens to unload it all.

Remember it's like a roller coaster, it's realllly realllly hard, then it eases up for a bit, then again it comes in a big wave to hit us and knock us down again. I drew this picture during that first year... I felt like it was a wave, I stood before it, saw it in the distance, trying to stand strong, but knowing all the while, watching it, waiting for it to come and knock me down...

I love you Brun, and I keep you in my prayers.

Love & Peace,
Cherri

p.s. thank you SO much for the beautiful card!
(((((((((((((((((Brun))))))))))))))))))))

Paula, Tims Mom

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #2 on: December 19, 2006, 06:15:44 AM »
Hi Brun,
I find no longer can rely on my memory to learn new things, like new songs I want to learn and teach- it is very frustrating. My long term memories come and go in bursts, like soap bubbles that blow up and then pop. I figured it was age and stress, not to mention 5 years of learning to live with grief brain.  I use lists a LOT now.

I think if I had your symptoms though, with spoeech affected, I'd get a complete work up by the doctor- maybe you just need a hormone check but it would be good to be evaluated and know for sure what is causing your symptoms.
((God Bless))
Paula, Tims Mom

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2006, 07:30:46 AM »
No answers, just want you to know I am thinking of you. This journey is so hard it's a wonder any of us get through it at all.

Dottie Tammie's Mom :(

John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

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Re: Which Is It ???-Article, Please Read
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2006, 08:00:52 AM »
Brun,
You are experiencing pyhsical and mental emotions that a lot of us grieving parents have experienced :'(. I too have felt at times that I have "LOST MY MIND" so many thoughts about your loved one can be confusing. I have fount the following article...You are NOT CRAZY...you are just a BEREAVED PARENT!
Thinking of you.


How to Deal With Grief

What is grief?
Grief is the normal response of sorrow, emotion, and confusion that comes from losing someone or something important to you. It is a natural part of life. Grief is a typical reaction to death, divorce, and job loss, a move away from family and friends, or loss of good health due to illness.

How does grief feel?
Just after a death or loss, you may feel empty and numb, as if you are in shock. You may notice physical changes such as trembling, nausea, trouble breathing, muscle weakness, dry mouth, or trouble sleeping and eating.
You may become angry - at a situation, a particular person, or just angry in general. Almost everyone in grief also experiences guilt. Guilt is often expressed as "I could have, I should have, and I wish I would have" statements.
People in grief may have strange dreams or nightmares, be absent-minded, withdraw socially, or lack the desire to return to work. While these feelings and behaviors are normal during grief, they will pass.

How long does grief last?
Grief lasts as long as it takes you to accept and learn to live with your loss. For some people, grief lasts a few months. For others, grieving may take years.
The length of time spent grieving is different for each person. There are many reasons for the differences, including personality, health, coping style, culture, family background, and life experiences. The time spent grieving also depends on your relationship with the person lost and how prepared you were for the loss.

How will I know when I'm done grieving?
Every person who experiences a death or other loss must complete a four-step grieving process:
(1) Accept the loss;
(2) Work through and feel the physical and emotional pain of grief;
(3) Adjust to living in a world without the person or item lost; and
(4) Move on with life.
The grieving process may be over when a person completes the four steps. There is NO time limit on these steps. Each and every person goes through these steps at their own pace. DO NOT RUSH yourself!

How does grief differ from depression?
Depression is more than a feeling of grief after losing someone or something you love. Clinical depression is a whole body disorder. It can take over the way you think and feel. Symptoms of depression include:
·   A sad, anxious, or "empty" mood that won't go away;
·   Loss of interest in what you used to enjoy;
·   Low energy, fatigue, feeling "slowed down;"
·   Changes in sleep patterns;
·   Loss of appetite, weight loss, or weight gain;
·   Trouble concentrating, remembering, or making decisions;
·   Feeling hopeless or gloomy;
·   Feeling guilty, worthless, or helpless;
·   Thoughts of death or suicide or a suicide attempt; and
·   Recurring aches and pains that don't respond to treatment.
·   If you recently experienced a death or other loss, these feelings may be part of a normal grief reaction. But if these feelings persist with no lifting mood, ask for help.

When to Call a Health Professional
If you or someone you know develops complications of grief such as disturbing or suicidal thoughts, depression, or anxiety, get help.

Call 911 or other emergency services if:
You think you cannot stop yourself from harming or killing yourself.
You hear voices that frighten you, especially if the voices tell you to hurt yourself or other people.
Someone who is grieving tries to harm himself or herself or someone else.
Someone who is grieving threatens to hurt someone else or makes threats of suicide.

Call a health professional if:
You feel hopeless and detached for more than a couple of weeks.
You cannot stop yourself from thinking about death or suicide.
You have a sudden change in your behavior that concerns you, such as drinking more alcohol than you normally do.
You have been grieving longer than you think is good for you.
Someone you know has symptoms of depression.

Who to See
Counseling is best done by a mental health professional with experience in grief counseling, such as a:
Clinical social worker.
·   Psychologist.
·   Licensed professional counselor.
·   Psychiatrist, who can prescribe medicine to control symptoms. Some psychiatrists also offer counseling.
·   Health professionals who can help you if you are having medical or mental health problems requiring medicine include:
·   General practitioners.
·   Family medicine doctors.
·   Internists.
·   Physician assistants.
·   Nurse practitioners.
Wishing You All Continuous Comfort & Peace,
John-Danielle Marie’s Daddy
1/4/95-2/20/06 (head trauma-motor vehicle accident)
“Her friendship was an inspiration, her love a blessing”

sykeller (Ray's mom)

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #5 on: December 19, 2006, 08:59:57 AM »
Dear Brun,

Those first two years I think I truly was insane.  I had little or no concept of time, like Cherri said: "A week felt like a day, a month felt like a week" and yes, again, nothing made sense.  I, too, have a hard time after three years.  There are many things I just plain don't remember.  I gave many of my belongings away, don't remember why, maybe just wanted to be rid of alot of material things--entire rooms of furniture, expensive clothing, all seemed meaningless.  I'm not sure what is normal, or even if there is any such thing.   It may be a means of protecting ourselves from the awful reality we are forced to live in now.

But NOW is where we are, waiting out our time until we can once again hold our beloved children.  We 'wear the mask' as often as we are able to be 'fair' to those who are left here with us.  I try to be HERE for my other two children, but sometimes it is just so hard.  When the last door closes every morning and I am left alone with my thoughts, the tears come.  Will it always be this way?  I honestly don't know.  I hope that, at least for my children and grandchildren that I can be a 'whole' person again, to give them all the love they deserve.

Wishing you comfort and peace,

Sy


faye

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #6 on: December 19, 2006, 11:35:27 AM »
Brun,

My mind is fried, too.  I cannot remember many things, including where I put things.  I go into a room and can't remember what I was doing there.  I think this is a part of our grief.  Of course, you might want to have a check up if you are having speech problems.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Dena

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #7 on: December 19, 2006, 03:55:01 PM »
(((Brun))) - I never had dealings with the symptoms you are having, but this sounds like something that you really need to speak with your doctor about.  Sometimes, grief/hormones/stress, etc, all pile up to create additional problems.

I can remember feeling as if I were going crazy in those early years, but I didn't lose blocks of time.  Even though the fog was there.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom


Brun~Jims~ mom

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #8 on: December 19, 2006, 05:31:26 PM »
I thank you all for your kind responses (group thanks!!) and I would seek a doctors help if I knew I had a reliable and trustworthy doctor.

 I have had all checkups, in another town) and they find nothing wrong physically....except of course my back, which is a new and permanent injury. I just feel I have no direction in life any more.....almost like in the mixed up teenie years.

 I don't trust doctors
My family doc moved to AK
If I go to one.... it will be anti depressants they are not interested in my probs but rather in the $95.- I have to put on the table
I will get this diagnosis.....Menopause, Depression, Grief.....for which the answer is...... as I stated above.


The speech probs only happen when I am in total stress..... I think it has to do with memory ...........a thing I used to handle so well and now just the slightest stress sends me over the edge. These symptoms are not here on a daily basis, but often enough to make me aware of them.

I write lists, but I forget them...lol.....and I do as I think Dottie mentioned I set tasks, that I want to accomplish every day..and if I accomplish them I pat myself on the back. maybe I did loose some of my brainpower when Jim died.....I really don't know anything any more.

with thankful Hugs to All,
Brun

 

starynyte

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #9 on: December 19, 2006, 06:11:27 PM »
Brun,

I have experienced the speech thing too, switching the beginning letters to words, like bum galls instead of gum balls, it's embarrasing, but sometimes really makes me laugh too. Other times, especially when I'm under a lot of stress, I stumble with my words, can't find the right word or words to express myself, mispronounce words, repeat myself, or just go blank, and just sound like a blubbering idiot.

You know, we've been through SOOOO much, how can it not affect every fiber of us? It is verrrry frustrating I know, but I try to give myself a break, look at what we have to deal with day in and day out... you know?

Sweetie, don't beat yourself up, your doing the very best that you can. You just had a really bad time not long ago, and after a griefburst like that, it takes some time to rejuvinate. Seek out the things that bring you peace, occupy your mind, and your hands, and know I am always here for you, like so many others are here.

We love you!
Cherri

CRCmom

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #10 on: December 19, 2006, 06:26:34 PM »
Brun,

I am still in my first two years.  It will be two years February 27, 2007.  Cherri described it well with having "griefbursts".  We can only handle so much at one time and then for me it's like the window closes.  My body and mind are not what they were before.  Honestly, I don't really care.  I do the best I can each day, struggle through the "griefbursts" and try and find some peace in between. 

You are definitely not insane!!!!  It is always good to run stuff by your Dr. just in case something else is going on. 

LOVE AND GRACE ON THE JOURNEY,
PAULA


stella joshs mom

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #11 on: December 20, 2006, 01:01:00 AM »
Brun-
Sounds like we are all having a lot of the same troubles!  Good to know ones not in the boat alone huh!  I forget all the time I freeze up when asked a question under stress and have a hard time answering even simple questions.  I can not focus well on anything and well my mind is not as good as it used to be.  For me I think this thing has thrown me into early or Pre-menopause so I don't know which symptoms belong to which diagnosis but it makes me feel a bit like a zombie mom at times.  I appreciated Johns stuff on Grief.  Wish we knew more though.  Maybe lack of sleep is to blame. If you need a great doctor Brun, Dr Laura Bennet here in Lewistown has been great about working with me and my decision to try and do this without meds and without a lot of appointments.  E-mail me if you want me to give you her number or have any questions.  Remember you are only a few towns away if you need me for anything! :)
Stella Joshs Mom


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Chy Scott's Mom

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Re: Which Is It ???
« Reply #12 on: December 20, 2006, 06:49:25 AM »
oh wow, I so agree with all the responses.  I do tell people, when asked about the past 4 years, that this past year I started to get my life together because I was crazy for 3 or so years.  I looked up a lot of what you mentioned within the first year of Scott's death and what I found was "yes" grief this intense does affect short term memory, those sort of black outs you mentioned, I could go to the store and back and not really remember a darn thing about it all, it's like I never noticed anyone or anything and it amazed me I was back home safe. I spent over 2 years not really sleeping and have finally been able this year to sleep without being passed out from drinking or have the TV on so I could listen to it instead of thinking.  I was crazy and so shall remain until that boy is in my arms once again.  I am crazy broken hearted and miss my little love stuff!