Author Topic: OK I'm here, now can I go?  (Read 4970 times)

Annie1973

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OK I'm here, now can I go?
« on: July 25, 2009, 10:04:24 PM »
Dear Friends,
I've been waiting a week to not be in a sour/depressed mood. I keep thinking about all the good things I have, my not-to-be-matched grandchildren, the fact that I can stay home and not have to go to work...I really have it pretty good.
I was sitting at a local diner a couple days ago when a young man came in and said "mom"...I fell apart, it wasn't my Dan. I see tall handsome young men with their children, even seeing a mom in the grocery store with her precious little boy causes me to run for the door.
I want to tell people to make sure they love one another, to be kind, to cherish their minutes with their families, but I know it wouldn't make any sense to them.
Everywhere I go, I am anxious to leave before I freak out and scare someone. Thirteen months ago I had a son, my grandaughter had a daddy, I know that she and I will survive this, what I don't know is how long it will take.
Much love,
Annie (Dans mom)

lwuest

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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #1 on: July 25, 2009, 11:03:39 PM »
Annie,
The title of your post compelled me to write.  I know exactly how you feel, but you put it so down to earth and real.  Like you, I have grandkids too.  I also have a daughter and three stepchildren whom I love and they love me too.  I have much to be grateful for.  And I try to stay positive.  But, yes, I feel sour/depressed too!

I can so relate to the feelings you expressed about about being in the diner and a young man came in and said "Mom".  I so much wish I could hear that just one more time and feel my son's kiss on my cheek.

You aren't crazy.  I wan't to tell people every where I go to appreciate what they have but I've learned I just can't because it's just too wacky for them to understand. 

Thinking of you Annie

Linda W

jillsmom

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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2009, 11:17:14 PM »
I know, Annie. I too look around and see the blessings of my life. And yet. I really think I would give up all of it to have my daughter back. I know we have to show up and keep on going. I just don't know why.
love you,
Kay Jill's mom
cooking for friends 2008

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #3 on: July 26, 2009, 01:55:47 PM »
((((Annie))))

I understand exactly how you feel. We do feel blessed for all we have and feel happiness but there is always an emptiness that follows us...no way to really escape it. We just miss them so much.

Love...Terry

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #4 on: July 26, 2009, 02:18:30 PM »
((Annie)) I'm sure like me, so many of us who read your post heart broke when reading your words. It is all so true. I don't know how to navigate this new life of ours other than just taking it one moment at a time and try to bring my heart and mind to count my blessings each and every day. XO Paula
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2009, 09:38:28 PM »
Annie, I understand all too well what you are saying. I think that is one of the reasons I only leave the house if I HAVE to. I have in fact lost my temper, ran out of patience and walked up to people and made comments to them about the way they treat their child in public. (An incident in WalMart awhile back when a woman was screaming at her little and I mean little boy)
It frustrates me to see people rushing, rushing, taking their stress and aggravation out on each other, their children,  their families. They think making money is more important, more important than their families, their children, themselves and their own well being. I dont understand what this world os coming to and to be quite honest I dont want to and try hard to keep myself as far removed from the outside world as I can. Sad??Maybe, but its how I survive without completely losing it and going off the deep end!!
I wish this was different for all of us....I wish we were all like "them" rushing, worrying about what outfit to wear, where to have lunch, being late for that meeting.....I wish those were our worries and cares, not this giant burden we have all been forced to carry, not this great sadness and missing that keeps us all teetering on the edge of the abyss every minute of every day.
I am sorry ...know I am thinking of you!

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #6 on: July 27, 2009, 12:03:30 PM »
OH Annie, my heart breaks for you, for all of us. I don't go many places either. I stare at baby boys, young boys ,teen boys, longing ,smiling, tearful and I don't know what people think but my heart can't help it. You're right, so many blessings but so much sadness and emptiness to go with it.

Jeanneb

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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #7 on: July 28, 2009, 05:26:15 AM »
Annie,

How I understand.  Home is my safe place.  I have actually said things to folks along this journey... sometimes I just can't keep quiet.

Hold on tight,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

browneyedgirl

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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #8 on: July 28, 2009, 11:54:38 AM »
Annie ~ so very sorry.............(((Annie)))
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)

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Re: OK I'm here, now can I go?
« Reply #9 on: July 28, 2009, 02:27:45 PM »
ANNIE,
  i wish i could tell you a date when this will go away but it's been 4 yrs. since CANDI was killed & i still get panicked & freak out...

we went to church sunday morning & the preacher was telling a story & in feb.1981 his friend's son was killed in a wreck at the age of 16... the story was longer than just that but to say the least. me & doug were in the middle of the back row & i want to jump up & run out of the church.
there was no way out. we were sitting right in the middle with the row full.............

i told my husband when we left church that i wanted to run out but that i feel like god put me in that seat for a reason & i guess it was to let me know that no matter who you are you can lose a child.
the man was a preacher that lost his son...

sending you hug's,
martha