Author Topic: Wondering About  (Read 9737 times)

MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)

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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #15 on: July 15, 2009, 04:43:47 PM »
rebecca,
  as you know it's been a while since i've posted... my reason is that I RESORTED BACK TO BED & DEEP DEPRESSION. i ended up back at the doctor getting on"PAXIL"..
 i wouldn't hardly get out of my bed... it was awful.... i'm on a low dose of paxil but i realize i'm gonna have to take it or i don't want to function....
i know that sound bad because i'm not saying paxil is making my problems or the loss of CANDI  any easier because it's not....
but i do get out of the bed & house more ....

martha

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #16 on: July 15, 2009, 09:09:03 PM »
Rebecca,

I come and go and have ever since I have found this wonderful place and for various reasons. One of them is that since the death of my Jeff, there have been many changes in my life, with my husband dying and my Dad who I care for, progressing with AD and some would call this 'complicated grief' and I never really understood that meaning fully....I truly believed that losing a child in itself couldn't cause grief to be any more complicated, but now I do understand what everyone was trying to say to me.
There are other factors in our lives that can and do prevent us from grieving in a healthy way and our grief is put on hold, in a sense, due to overwhelming lifestyle changes.

I really want to be here for others new to this journey and I try to be here for everyone. What is most difficult for me is knowing that my words are barely scratching the surface, knowing in the beginning what this loss is going to do to this new parent and of course the severity of each one's grief and the stages never really being in any logical order because I know from my own grief there are stages I have never went through and probably never will.
Nevertheless, I want to give back to others as I feel so blessed to have been loved and cared for by so many here and my heart goes out to anyone having to live with burying their child. No one should have to walk this terrifying path of pain, alone....EVER.

And, although my grief has become more private in some ways, I need to verbalize my pain and feel I can do that here without feeling that I am being unfair or insensitive to others who's grief is so new, so raw. Those of us further along can encourage and give hope where little seems to exist to those very new, but at the same time, I need to continue to be honest with myself and therefore others, by expressing how losing my children, the pain, the intense missing, has never gotten 'better', just different and is now pain I can live with and also live a good life even after burying my children.

It is difficult, if not impossible, in the beginning to believe this and I remind myself, and often, that I was where the 'new ones' are and not that long ago and as much pain as I may be in at any given time, the Love out-weighs the pain and my heart will continue to give as long as it is able.

There are times when I cannot view our childrens pictures (especially when reading) and that sometimes lasts for months and I am constantly adjusting/changing the settings. I posted Jeff's picture once with his daughter and could not go back to look at it. This is all a very long, hard, confusing journey.

I guess there are even more reasons why we come and go and they are not all, obvious ones.

Thanks for this post. I think it gave everyone a chance to share about something we
don't often talk about.

Love,
Terry






 

Johns Mom

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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #17 on: July 17, 2009, 11:17:54 AM »
It's been a long time since I've posted anything...I come and read once in a while.  We bought a business about a year and a half ago and it keeps me pretty busy.  It's been 9 years since I lost my son...my heart still aches for him...I still cry..not as much as earlier on.  Still shake my head in disbelief that he is gone forever.  The hole in my heart will never heal..no matter how many wonderful things I have in my life, my other children, my 4 grandchildren...my heart still aches for my son.  There are days that I miss him so much that I feel like I can't stand it another minute...I have to talk myself out of going to that awful sad place.  I know my son wants me to be happy and to enjoy whatever life I have left.  I will never stop missing him, I know that...life goes on.  Think of all of you and your beautiful children....Pat..John's Mom

gretchen

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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #18 on: July 18, 2009, 08:29:19 PM »
My name is Gretchen and June 27th was five years without my daughter Alex.  I never figured out this new board. I read all the time and think of all of you and your children.

Terry

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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #19 on: July 18, 2009, 08:45:54 PM »
Hi Pat,

So nice to see your beautiful John, your "Bestest Boy."

Happy for you and your new business and hope it continues to do well. Good for you!!!

Love,
Terry

LaVonne

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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #20 on: July 19, 2009, 07:22:28 AM »
I come as often as time lets me. My job is very hectic and I have way to much to do. I just came off a 18 day stretch of working and half were doubles. I am so exhausted that I feel I will never get enough sleep. I come and read some times and post when I can.  I think of our children everyday and will never forget any of them.  I have taken myself off all meds and I am doing really well. I do go in the dark place once in a while and lately after working so much I am down but Jaes birthday is next month so I think about that. My class reunion falls on the weekend of his birthday. I have found out in the last week that 4 classmates have lost children and maybe more. Thinking of you often Rebecca and always remebering Jason. After all both our boys names are the same.  hugs  LaVonne

SARAH()

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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #21 on: July 19, 2009, 10:35:45 AM »
I read often, but not every day, and not every post.

After eight years, our life has moved forward in a positive direction, and I feel positive about my life most of the time.  I remember when I was new in grief, I found people who had lost a child and were where I am now pretty irritating.  So I don't post much.  But occasionally a post relates to something I went through, and I feel like there is at least a possibility my reply might be helpful.  And because loss really never ends, I have occasional difficult times, like everyone else, and reach out for support.

nancy/Patricks mom

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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #22 on: July 19, 2009, 08:57:49 PM »
I read everyday even though i might not post sometimes i am just to sad
NANCY/JOHNATHAN PATRICKS MOM/3-31-87 - 12-08-07

JONBOYS MOM

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Re: Wondering About
« Reply #23 on: July 24, 2009, 09:09:26 AM »
HELLO EVERYONE:

                         I to have gone away  for a while,Sometimes its just plain hard to write,All I can say is without the support from each and everyone of you I dont know if I would have made it,But I did..I have learned to accept the fact that my son is gone ,Like all of you here if we could change it we would.I will always be greatful for your tears your smiles,and all the wonderful stories of your kids,I truly wish all of your Peace.


Jonboys mom
Donna