Author Topic: They just keep coming  (Read 6311 times)

Terry

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They just keep coming
« on: July 06, 2009, 07:01:10 AM »
Another Birthday. My GD. And I've been looking at pics of her and Daddy and my heart is sore. It's still 3 weeks away, weww, another one snuck up on me, found it's way into my weary soul and is planning to cause havoc.

Of course I'm laughing along with everyone, WoopEE, what a great party this is going to be. Then I turn around and s i n k....

I've 'opted' out this year to join the festivities with 20 other kids and all of 'her' side of the family as we are in a different place. I attended last year and after I left, cried all the way home. I refuse to go through that again.

We always have a party for her here, at my home, and my Dad is here and a friend of mine comes over with her daughter. It's always nice. But, what the 'other' Grand Mother is doing is asking my GD.."Why won't she come to your Birthday Party?" So, my GD wants to know why and I just tell her we have always had a party for you here with your favorite foods and that's what we're going to do, the same as we do every year.  PERIOD!

It always has to be a problem for the 'other side'. They know how difficult it is for me but feel since it's been over 6 years....Gee, I should be OK???!!!!
Well, I'm OK as long as they stay out of my way and stop trying to pretend that my son didn't die. It's more convenient for them to just place me, my grief, in a neat little time-framed-package.

They always seem to want to cause a problem right before any event, why, I'll never know. I'm just very grateful that my GD is getting older, more mature and understands even more than she did before. The rest of them can disappear from my life, but OH, wait, they can't do that, because I'm stuck with them forever. Now, that's enough to put me into a 'really' deep depression.

I'll be OK. Just venting.

Love...Terry

charlesafather

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2009, 12:24:49 PM »
vent all you need Terry;
We have the right.. I know I seem ok until like yesterday 7-6 we went home to tex. and stoped to visit and put fresh flowers on Chads resting place, then all the thoughts started flooding in. this is why we are all here, to vent share and seek some kind of help.

love ya,              my prayers
                                charles

Terry

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2009, 04:41:29 PM »
Thanks Charles!

I thought long and hard about this ongoing, and never-ending, situation and went back as I always do to the basics. And, the basic truth for me is that I cannot control nor can I change this situation so to further feel at peace I return always...to the Serenity Prayer. It's humbling and reminds me who's in charge.

And, I am grateful for all I have, even and especially, amidst the havoc.

Big Hug Charles with thoughts of your precious Chad, always.

Love,
Terry

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #3 on: July 07, 2009, 07:08:12 AM »
Terry, we all need to vent. I hope that today finds you feelng a little bit more peaceful and at ease.
XO Paula
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

jillsmom

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #4 on: July 08, 2009, 05:43:52 PM »
I just don't understand why anyone in your family would want to make your life any harder. What's the point? Do they try to get your granddaughter to pretend her dad didn't die? I'm glad she has a good relationship with you, though.

with love, Kay Jill's mom
cooking for friends 2008

Dena

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2009, 03:53:12 AM »
(((Terry)))

I think those moments will always be there.  I can be in the middle of a family gathering and all of a sudden it hits.  Josh isn't there.  Then the wave comes in.

Sounds like the "other" Grandmother is making a situation a problem when it doesn't need to be.  You are right in reminding your GD that there is a plan in place.  I think in time you will find out she really understands....more so than others think.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom


Jeanneb

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2009, 07:16:51 AM »
Terry,

Keep holding on... you are so right when we step back and remember who really is in charge.  The only thing we have control  over is ourselves and how we react.  Finding our blessings in the midst of all the adversity can certainly help keep us grounded.

That GD is one amazing little person and the relationship the two of you have is all that counts.

Hugs,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2009, 04:16:27 PM »
terry,
   you're in my thought's & prayers...... CANDI'S been gone 4 yrs. & people think i should be "over it" by now.... they don't say that to my face. they say it behind my back. & i eventually hear it...
i've got news for all of them."i'll never get over it."

sending you hug's,
martha

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2009, 04:22:37 PM »
Stick to it and have the peace you need. We can only do what we can to survive this.
Love, Brenda

Terry

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2009, 09:34:01 PM »
Thanks, everyone, you're all great and it was so nice to come back and see these responses. I really appreciate all of you, so very much. I've made my peace with the decision to stand my ground and to continue to set boundaries that I can comfortably live with, regardless of how others feel or 'don't' feel.

My girlfriend died 7 days ago and I am in so much pain and still very much in shock. Just hours before, we were talking about my GD's birthday party and laughing together, as we always did. She is the one I was speaking of and her daughter that were coming to my home for the party. Before hanging up, I told her I loved her and a few hours later her brother was at my door to bring me to the hospital. It is all so unbelievable and I don't think it's become real yet. This is just too much. She was always there for me, and I, her. A true friend. She is with my babies and will be watching over them until I can be with them.

Just so sad and hurting.
My Love...Terry


browneyedgirl

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #10 on: July 15, 2009, 10:11:50 AM »
Terry ~ so sorry that you are dealing with all of this, and so sorry for the recent loss of your friend.

Thinking of you.
Tony Repola 07/20/66 – 03/29/09
I know you are fishing in the oceans and streams of heaven

Terry

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #11 on: July 15, 2009, 09:27:50 PM »
Thank You browneyedgirl....I can't sleep and came for a visit, responded to a post and will now crawl back under my covers...have turned my phones off. Couldn't bear to hear one ring right now, it's getting too late for good news.

Just so devastated and feeling sad. So lost. And, I wait for tomorrow.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother. So sorry. You must miss him terribly.

Peaceful night to you & my love....Terry

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #12 on: July 16, 2009, 05:02:46 AM »
Terry,

So sorry about your friend. WE don't have many true friends in our lifetime and it hurts to lose them.

Hugs,
Dottie Tammie's Mom

Terry

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #13 on: July 18, 2009, 08:28:39 PM »
Thank You, Dottie. We have all learned since losing our children who our true friends really are and when we have to say Good-Bye to them, it is oh so painful. I still can't believe she's gone and even today, I picked up the phone twice to call her. It's just not sinking in, yet.

Love...Terry

LaVonne

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Re: They just keep coming
« Reply #14 on: July 19, 2009, 07:36:28 AM »
Terry,  I send hugs. I hope you have fun with GD when she comes to your house and thats all that matters.  I am so sorry about your girlfriend. Please know I care and holding you close to my heart.  LaVonne