Another Birthday. My GD. And I've been looking at pics of her and Daddy and my heart is sore. It's still 3 weeks away, weww, another one snuck up on me, found it's way into my weary soul and is planning to cause havoc.
Of course I'm laughing along with everyone, WoopEE, what a great party this is going to be. Then I turn around and s i n k....
I've 'opted' out this year to join the festivities with 20 other kids and all of 'her' side of the family as we are in a different place. I attended last year and after I left, cried all the way home. I refuse to go through that again.
We always have a party for her here, at my home, and my Dad is here and a friend of mine comes over with her daughter. It's always nice. But, what the 'other' Grand Mother is doing is asking my GD.."Why won't she come to your Birthday Party?" So, my GD wants to know why and I just tell her we have always had a party for you here with your favorite foods and that's what we're going to do, the same as we do every year. PERIOD!
It always has to be a problem for the 'other side'. They know how difficult it is for me but feel since it's been over 6 years....Gee, I should be OK???!!!!
Well, I'm OK as long as they stay out of my way and stop trying to pretend that my son didn't die. It's more convenient for them to just place me, my grief, in a neat little time-framed-package.
They always seem to want to cause a problem right before any event, why, I'll never know. I'm just very grateful that my GD is getting older, more mature and understands even more than she did before. The rest of them can disappear from my life, but OH, wait, they can't do that, because I'm stuck with them forever. Now, that's enough to put me into a 'really' deep depression.
I'll be OK. Just venting.
Love...Terry