Kay, I understand the devastation of losing all of your children. And, the dates. And, the remembering. And, I'm sorry for your pain.
I liken it to a group I once belonged to with parents that have lost 2 or more children. I heard the same hurt and frustration they feel that others do that have lost their child or their ONLY child. How they complain about their surviving children, the norm;
)What are they going to do with their lives? I thought they were going into college?
)I don't like the guy/girl they are dating.
)I had to put more money out for their car, AGAIN. OR...
)my youngest just graduated and is going to live---OR...
)My oldest is getting married to a great gal and we are just so happy.
I didn't stay long in this group and the reasons are probably obvious by now. There is NOTHING wrong with parents talking about and being excited about their children. There is NOTHING wrong with being proud when your child graduates with Honors or is accepted into a good college and there is NOTHING wrong with wanting to share it with the world.
"Don't they understand that we have NO surviving children to talk about, to be proud of...we have lost everything?
? How can they go on and on knowing this? How can they be SO insensitive?
"
I defended these parents and I was seen as NOT the norm, but Oh Well, such is life.
I have neighbors that have lost both their children and they pretty much keep to themselves as they have friends, or used to, who still have living children, and they feel they do not have the common denominator that once was, in conversation.
And, I have continued contact with some of the Mom's from the Child Loss group here in my Community, but I continue to hold firm to my beliefs regarding how extreme the changes are when we lose a child and, BUT, how we MUST remember that we all have children that we love and some of us, lost, and regardless of how the world turns, and it WILL continue to turn even after our children die, we too, have to be sensitive to others, even through our deep pain, and remind ourselves that these people talking endlessly about their children....used to be US!
And round and round we go...
Love,
Terry