I guess I'm one of those who are 'farther along', so I'll share my reason to survive:
Since the death of my first child, my baby Sal, I've continued with my life, giving my best to complete, whatever stage I was in at the time. I've always found this challenging.
After Michelle died, there was still meaning and substance to the life I worked hard to build for myself, in awe at times at the foundation that was growing and which included many into my flock, of sorts.
I met wonderful people. I even sought them out. Loved and was loved. My surviving son, my Jeff....well, we had a wonderful life together. I watched him grow and find love and meaning to his life. I was proud of the man he had become. He was a beautiful person.
When Jeff died, I was surrounded by darkness and very afraid for a long time. I wasn't alone, though. My faith has always grounded me and it never slipped away. I knew that his death was to be my greatest challenge and also knew everything would change, and it did. I had to change. I had to learn to live my life without my Jeff, who had become the biggest part of me.
I also had to, and often, remind myself that I had to continue to believe...really believe that I could only control certain aspects of the life I was living. In other ways, I had no control whatsoever. So, a deeper meaning to acceptance was being introduced when, up to that point, again, I really believed I understood it's meaning. And, it felt like I was starting over, in a sense, and rebuilding the foundation I had laid years before with the belief it was strong enough to withstand anything.
After endless soul searching, (and it will never end) I've come to the basic realization that I was given a gift, the gift of life, and I do the very best I can to be grateful for all of the love I have had and carry it with me and be mindful to never take it for granted.
In essence, I've had and have, a lot of joy and love in my life. I've also had a lot of pain and sorrow. And, sometimes that pain, if I'm not careful, can consume all of the good that's around me, and although pain can't be wished away, I won't let it take 'from-me' what I've earned in my life.
I've earned the right to be loved, to feel every feeling and to know that it's OK to not feel good all of the time and to not be happy all of the time....it's just not realistic. Because I have a reason to be sad and to feel pain, and that's all part of living. And...it's all part of loving.
In all honesty, I cannot say that I just survive. I live. And Love is what feeds me.
I heard something when I was a little girl and didn't understand it's meaning then, but I certainly do now..., "The Human Spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it."
Even the Human Spirit needs to be fed and loved or it too, will die.
Thank You again, John for these posts, especially this one. I needed to share this, but never knowing what I will share until I read others words/thoughts.
We are all so unique and we all share one common bond. We all love deeply and will forever hold tight to that precious Love.
Love is always the reason for being.
Love,
Terry