Author Topic: Reasons to Survive  (Read 3282 times)

John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

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Reasons to Survive
« on: June 15, 2009, 12:53:20 PM »
Dear Friends,

Some of us are very depressed; some of us are in deep grief.

Some of us are overwhelmed with life.

Some of us have other issues that are piled on top of the burden of grief we carry.

Some of us have thoughts of self-destruction, and we may be acting on those thoughts in ways we won't always admit.

Some of us have had thoughts of suicide, and some of us have attempted suicide.

Some of us are addicted, and out of control; we may be destroying ourselves with drinking too much, by abusing drugs (prescription or illegal), by smoking too much, or even by eating too much - or not eating enough.

Some of us feel hopeless and may think of ourselves as a burden.

Today, however, I would like to challenge everyone in the group to set aside whatever problems you have for a few moments. Take time to focus on the reasons you should survive, the things that will help hold you here, the things that may help you find life again.

Make a list of reasons called: Reasons to Survive.

(And if you are farther along and you've already found those reasons, please share them, also, because maybe, just maybe, some of your reasons will remind some of the people who are struggling so hard, of things that might be worth living for in their lives, too.)


Wishing You Peace Along the Journey,
John-Daddy of Angel
Danielle Marie Plourde
1/4/1995 -2/20/2006
Memorial Website: http://danielle-marie-plourde.memory-of.com/
Wishing You All Continuous Comfort & Peace,
John-Danielle Marie’s Daddy
1/4/95-2/20/06 (head trauma-motor vehicle accident)
“Her friendship was an inspiration, her love a blessing”

Annette

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Re: Reasons to Survive
« Reply #1 on: June 15, 2009, 09:31:55 PM »
I like this post. I often have to remind myself of reasons to live. I know that Michael would have been so disappointed if I ever considered ending my life. My other son, Trevor, would not  have a Mom if I died, so that's another reason, and then there's John, my beloved fiance, he would be sad.
Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3

Terry

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Re: Reasons to Survive
« Reply #2 on: June 15, 2009, 11:06:52 PM »
I guess I'm one of those who are 'farther along', so I'll share my reason to survive:

Since the death of my first child, my baby Sal,  I've continued with my life, giving my best to complete, whatever stage I was in at the time. I've always found this challenging.

After Michelle died, there was still meaning and substance to the life I worked hard to build for myself, in awe at times at the foundation that was growing and which included many into my flock, of sorts.

I met wonderful people. I even sought them out. Loved and was loved. My surviving son, my Jeff....well, we had a wonderful life together. I watched him grow and find love and meaning to his life. I was proud of the man he had become. He was a beautiful person.

When Jeff died, I was surrounded by darkness and very afraid for a long time. I wasn't alone, though. My faith has always grounded me and it never slipped away. I knew that his death was to be my greatest challenge and also knew everything would change, and it did. I had to change. I had to learn to live my life without my Jeff, who had become the biggest part of me.
I also had to, and often, remind myself that I had to continue to believe...really believe that I could only control certain aspects of the life I was living.  In other ways, I had no control whatsoever. So, a deeper meaning to acceptance was being introduced when, up to that point, again, I really believed I understood it's meaning. And, it felt like I was starting over, in a sense, and rebuilding the foundation I had laid years before with the belief it was strong enough to withstand anything.

After endless soul searching, (and it will never end) I've come to the basic realization that I was given a gift, the gift of life, and I do the very best I can to be grateful for all of the love I have had and carry it with me and be mindful to never take it for granted.

In essence, I've had and have, a lot of joy and love in my life. I've also had a lot of pain and sorrow. And, sometimes that pain, if I'm not careful, can consume all of the good that's around me, and although pain can't be wished away, I won't let it take 'from-me' what I've earned in my life.
I've earned the right to be loved, to feel every feeling and to know that it's OK to not feel good all of the time and to not be happy all of the time....it's just not realistic. Because I have a reason to be sad and to feel pain, and that's all part of living. And...it's all part of loving.

In all honesty, I cannot say that I just survive. I live. And Love is what feeds me.

I heard something when I was a little girl and didn't understand it's meaning then, but I certainly do now..., "The Human Spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it."

Even the Human Spirit needs to be fed and loved or it too, will die.

Thank You again, John for these posts, especially this one. I needed to share this, but never knowing what I will share until I read others words/thoughts.
We are all so unique and we all share one common bond. We all love deeply and will forever hold tight to that precious Love.

Love is always the reason for being.

Love,
Terry







Paula (Adam's Brokenhearted Mama)

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Re: Reasons to Survive
« Reply #3 on: June 16, 2009, 06:36:18 AM »
WELCOME BACK John! It was wonderful to read your thought provoking, insightful post. Your posts John helped to carry me through some of my darkest hours and helped me to realize that this board was a safe haven for me. You and the other Sisters & Brothers-in-Grief I have met along the way have helped me in all aspects of my life's journey.

I survive because of Matthew, Kaitlin & Joshua. I learned post-suicide attempt that I was going to send them a very negative message (that I loved Adam more than them and was willing to leave them). I want my children to know that  I am heartbroken over the loss of their brother just as I would be if I lost any one of them. I want to model integrity, dignity and strength when faced with adversity. I want to show them how to be a survivor. I want to instill in each of them the knowledge that this is hard work and it requires tenacity and that the rewards can be great.

I survive because of my husband and best friend Craig. I have been with him since I am 15 years old and he was 17 years of age. We are now married 34 years. I need to be a true partner to him. I need to be strong when he cannot be. I need for him to feel loved and respected by me. I need for him to know how much he means to me, how I respect and value him and his life. We shared a loss we need to learn together how to share a new life without one of our children. I made a committment to him to love, honor and cherish in good times & bad, those vows carry me through times when I become weak.

I survive to explore and develop a deeper spirtuality and committment to G-d.
I feel that since Adam passed I have learned to look at life through kinder eyes. I am less judgmental, have greater empathy and hopefully am succeeding in being a better Daughter, Wife, Mother, Aunt, Cousin, Friend and RN.   

I survive for reasons that I do not understand. I await each day as an opportunity to learn and to do good.

I survive because I do believe that even without our knowledge we can make a positive impact upon other peoples lives. I started a project and enlised my town and neighboring communities to grow veggie & herb gardens to feed the hungry. My experiences with Adam living in a shelter, on the streets was the inspiration.

I survive to help educate the world, even if it is just one person at a time. I hope to help create a kinder, gentle world where humankind will be proactive for those in need vs puntiatively reactive. My dream would be for all people to understand special needs such as addiction, mental illness, developmental delays, (all commonplace in my own immediate family) with an open mind, caring heart and creative ideas on how to help, cure, support and nuture.

I survive because I feel that is my destiny to do so. My story is not completed. Whatever lies ahead of me I hope that I can face it with dignity, courage, a sense of humor and a sense of humility.

Cheryl - Brett's Mom

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Re: Reasons to Survive
« Reply #4 on: June 16, 2009, 10:45:50 PM »
This post is a wonderful idea. I think some deep thoughts can come out of this type of discussion...some that may help some of us. John, do you mind if I copy and paste this post on another grief forum to get their ideas on this? I won't do that w/o your permission.
Please light a candle in memory of our loved one Brett Ginder by visiting http://brett-ginder.memory-of.com

John-Danielle Marie's Daddy

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Re: Reasons to Survive
« Reply #5 on: June 17, 2009, 09:16:41 AM »
Cheryl,
Not at all...It is a wonderful help to others if we can share what helps us get through another day.

John
Wishing You All Continuous Comfort & Peace,
John-Danielle Marie’s Daddy
1/4/95-2/20/06 (head trauma-motor vehicle accident)
“Her friendship was an inspiration, her love a blessing”

SARAH()

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Re: Reasons to Survive
« Reply #6 on: June 17, 2009, 03:41:30 PM »
The most obvious reason to survive is my family -- my two children that need me here, and my husband.

But beyond that, my two heavenly children never had much of a chance of life.  One of them never drew breath, never saw her family, never opened her eyes and saw light.  The other never left the hospital, never got to be held, never had Christmas, her birthday, dinner with her family, never got to play with her older sister or see her little brother.  Never saw a sunrise, or a sunset, or the ocean, or anything.  It feels so selfish and ungrateful to throw away so callously what they were denied.