Author Topic: It has been a while  (Read 4812 times)

Karen Paul

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It has been a while
« on: May 26, 2009, 05:47:15 AM »
Hello my cherished friends. It has been a few weeks since I have been here much. I think of you all every day though, you and your kids are always in my heart.

It has been a sad couple of weeks for me. I have been thinking so much about the fact that over the past 2 years we have celebrated a nephew and niece graduating from college. Well this is the year that Christopher should have graduated. So there is that emptiness where our celebration for him should be. That never ending silence, the void of what was his vibrant, loving life.

We were with friends on Sunday - their kids range in age from 19-15 so many of them are celebrating high school graduations and kids coming back from their first year in college - and then there is my family - Chris was IT for us.. and Brian will never experience that joy of seeing his son graduate, from high school or college.. of seeing him make his way in the world with all the pride of a devoted father..

We all keep pretty busy - but this time of the year is tough with Mother's Day and graduations and Father's Day - it is just that emptiness that is always there beneath it all.. that sadness and the longing for what should have been.. I guess that will never go away.

luv u all,
Karen
Chris' aunt


Kathy

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2009, 08:36:45 AM »
Dear Karen,

You expressed it so well, " it is just that emptiness that is always there beneath it all.. that sadness and the longing for what should have been.. I guess that will never go away" This is such a hard time of the year for me also. The pain has been simply overwhelming. Two weeks from today we will present Don's scholarship to a graduating high school senior.  For 5 minutes in time 500 people will hear Don's name and some of them will remember. . .

I am holding you , Christopher and your family close today.

Love,
Kathy-Don's Mom

Paula (Adam's Brokenhearted Mama)

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2009, 09:42:28 AM »
Yes, the sadness and longing is ALWAYS there, 24/7. I walk around with a heartache that is not only an emotional ache but a physical one as well.

Jeanneb

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2009, 09:42:33 AM »
Hi Karen,

Boy, do I certainly get your post.  

Most of the time though I just can't even imagine Philip being old enough to graduate college.  The high school graduations were so hard those first years.  Now, I just try and pay no attention since he never made that milestone either.

I recently went to the college graduation of a young man who we also helped with scholarships from the fund we had setup when Philip died.  It was a very bittersweet moment.  This young man's fiancee also graduated that day.

For me, Philip will always be that big over grown kid of 17 with feet that were like boats and who still at 17 and 6 ft. 4 wanted to sit in his mom's lap who is only 5 ft 4.  Somehow along this journey I've just made some sort of peace with all the hopes and dreams that I had for Philip.  Or maybe this is just my way of coping... I just can't let my mind go there anymore.  Though my mind tries very hard to go there...

I just understand the sadness... when I let myself that is what sums up my feelings better than any word... sad.. just plain sad.  As Kathy put it so well "that emptiness that is always there beneath it all..."

Hugs,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2009, 05:00:21 PM »
I dont have much to say except know I understand and am thinking of all of you!!!!

tsoley

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2009, 06:07:35 PM »
I feel for you. I am so sorry.
Tammy (Jordan's Mom)

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2009, 08:04:10 AM »
Love you Karen.. Christopher is such a handsome boy and I feel I know him through you... I think he had a heart of gold and just the right amount of orneriness and fun.. He reminds me of Taylor. That empty void is always there. They should be here, living their lives...
Love
Brenda

Debh

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #7 on: May 28, 2009, 05:42:12 PM »
Karen sorry your having some hard days. I think of you often and that smile of Chris's.

Love Deb

Luvinmike

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #8 on: May 28, 2009, 06:26:58 PM »
Dear Karen;
Thinking of you and your family during this especially hard time of year, definitely a family oriented time of year. My thoughts are to send you strength and humor where you can muster it up. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you feel Chris close in your loving heart. Terri

jillsmom

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2009, 02:06:03 PM »
This is a hard time, I agree. My daughter's high school friends are graduating from college this year. Some of them, anyway ;). I live in a college town and have to stop driving by the campus for the whole month to avoid seeing the kids in their caps and gowns. How can life go on? It doesn't feel to me that my life is going on at all.
thinking of you, Karen -
Kay Jill's mom
cooking for friends 2008

LaVonne

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #10 on: June 01, 2009, 05:06:30 PM »
Thinking of you and knowing the pain and sadness of missing Christopher.
 I am right here missing him with you. sending hugs.  LaVonne

Karen Paul

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Re: It has been a while
« Reply #11 on: June 02, 2009, 05:52:46 AM »
Thank you so much, all of you, for your never ending support.. whenever I'm feeling down you all lift me up.. I don't know how you do it, but I just want to say thank you.

luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt