Author Topic: Losing both parents too young  (Read 4746 times)

stacycakes

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Losing both parents too young
« on: May 23, 2009, 03:08:49 PM »
I lost my dad six weeks before I was born, to a brain tumor, my mum told me they were treating him for migrains and then one day he couldnt hold anything so she took him to hospital and found a brain tumour so big that they couldnt treat it and he died 2 weeks later. Ive only had my mum growing up as both parents, about 5 years ago she was diagnosed with kidney cancer, she had her kidney removed but 1 1/2 - 2 years later on the cancer had come back where her kidney used to me and also moved to her lungs, they tried to treat it but nothing was working. Later the cancer was moving towards her bowel and they told us she only had a matter of weeks left. Something that never sunk in, i knew she was a fighter and just thought they got it wrong, especially as she perked up whilst being in the hospice and even managed to make a trip home for the night, I collected her from the hospice on the Tuesday and took her back on Wednesday, phoned her on the Thursday and she was crying in so much pain (my mum never cried so i knew it was bad) I went into see her and the doctors told me she only had 2 days max left, i sat with her until she finally passed away on the Friday night. It was all so sudden from her looking brighter and coming home, which was meant to be the start of weekly trips home, to deteriorating so quickly. The doctor said it was a perforated bowel or spleen, he couldnt be sure which, she was in alot of pain so was given vast amounts of pain killers, making her last hours peaceful as she slept all day. Im only 22, and I feel too young to be left on my own. I have only just finished University on the Wednesday, handing in my last essay after I dropped her at the hospice. I feel stuck with my life now, i know i need to carry on and move back to aberdeen where i studied to get a job, but everything feels so hard without my mum being there for me. Its only been a week and i know that things apparently get easier in time but i just dont see it happening. I know parents are supposed to die before their children but i just expected it to be when i was much older than I am now. I woke up the day after the funeral thinking ill have to tell mum some of the funny stories about the night before, then suddently realised that I cant. Just now it feels like she has gone out or on holiday. Im not sure how im going to cope when it hits me that she has gone. I have friends who has lost a parent but its not the same as loseing both. I have read a few posts with people stating they have an "orphan feeling" even tho they know they are too old to technically be an orphan, but i have that feeling too. I feel so alone. I have a brother but he gets very violent when he is angry and has coped by smashing things which really isnt helping me so I cant look to him for support. My boyfriend and Aunt are being a great help but its just not the same as havig my mum around. I want her back. I always imagined that she would be there for all the good times that i will have ahead, graduating, getting married, having kids etc. Especially graduation as she made it clear to family and nurses that her last wish was to come to my graduation but she didnt make it, which makes me even sader to think that she never got her last wish. I miss my mum so much. I have a strange sence of being free but also very lonely, unlike my friends i now have no parents to answer to or tell me what to do (which at this age to alot of people would be very appealing) but i miss having someone there, I miss my mum fussing about me and always making sure im safe and doing the right thing. I hope things do get easier in time as just now they are very hard. All i want to do is hug my mum again.

georgiapeaches

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Re: Losing both parents too young
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2009, 09:33:57 PM »
Dear Stacycakes,
I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my mom to a perforated colon also, she was in so much pain, it was due to colon cancer. I dont have parents either. I cant imagine how that feels at such a young age though. But you sound like a strong young woman and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, one that would make your mom proud. Get lots of rest and drink lots of water, try to keep going, for your mom and yourself. welcome to the site.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

sonya_lonely

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Re: Losing both parents too young
« Reply #2 on: May 25, 2009, 02:27:01 AM »
Dear Stacy,
Welcome to the group.I am so sorry for what you are going through..I know that you have been through a lot at such a young age.
Even I am in the same pain....I too lost both parents in an accident an year ago and till date i feel so empty,life is so miserable,no aim nothing.
As you said,we are old enough to be called "ORPHANS" but still even i feel the same...wenever I see my cousin's or my friend's parents caring for them ,giving them instruction,being protective or over protective,i feel numb and miss my parents ...when they were like this and when i use to argue that i am old enough to take care of myself ....but i m not....i realise it today when i dont have them around...around me with me to support love and care.
After they had gone,no occasion have been peaceful,it has been empty and bringing in a lot of sadness and a realisation that it has to be like this always.. till i am alive.
Sometimes i feel i should die but i have a younger brother for whom i have to live to support him...i dont expect anything from any relative as they have harldly turned up...I HATE ALL and everything...I dont know but i feel cheated!!
I miss my mom my dad and sharing with them their touch their voice...i sometimes become suicidal but i know it has to be like this till the day i am alive...
I wish you peace of mind ..this is a wondersul site and you can pour your heart and will get responses and hugs always! keep writing
take care,
Sonya
« Last Edit: May 25, 2009, 04:35:37 AM by sonya_lonely »

Sad Eyes

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Re: Losing both parents too young
« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2009, 05:28:25 AM »
Dear Stacycakes,

I too have lost both parents, but can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like at 22!!!  I'm sure your aunt also feels their loss.  I hope that you and your aunt can find comfort by sharing your grief with each other.  Take care and come back and share more of your story with us.

Sad Eyes

pondering

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Re: Losing both parents too young
« Reply #4 on: June 03, 2009, 11:39:06 PM »
I am very sorry of your losses. I know this is very hard time for you but I know they are always with you. I pray to god to give peace your parents. Just remembered you are not alone we are always here for you. Take care and God bless you.