Rita, I'm so relieved to know you've reached a lil plateau and that you are just a lil more grounded. Although I have not been on here much as I've been crazy busy, I do think of you all the time. And, you are always in my prayers.
And, I have to say, that for 10 months, you are doing remarkably well. I can remember at 10 months going out with my husband to town just to get out of the house because I couldn't stop crying. I made a sign from a piece of paper that said..."PLEASE SAY MY SON'S NAME. IT IS JEFF" and taped it to my blouse.
While walking through Pet Smart all I heard was Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. The grocery store, the same. The restaurant on the way home, the same. By that time, I was exhausted from crying and all 3 waitresses walked over to me and just hugged me for the longest time. Before we left there, everyone at the tables held up their glasses, cups and said JEFF.
I am crying so hard just writing this and remembering that time and thinking of you Rita and knowing how much pain you are in. I do understand, sadly.
You 'will' be in a better place one day. I promise you. Please believe that. It's such a struggle and it's daily and you're worth it. You're worth all the love and kindness that comes your way. And bless the day when you will feel joy and real happiness, even while tending to that hole in your heart. Because love doesn't die and Becca will always be with you. And, she loves you so much and as time goes by, you'll be able to feel it more and more. And, that love is what will bring you joy and happiness.
Please be patient with yourself Rita and know that this is a long journey, one that none of us ever thought we would be taking. And never forget how very loved you are.
You have my love, Rita and always, my understanding and support.
Terry