It is me again:
I am beyond the point of being fried with this grief journey. My best friend of 25 years actually called my mom tonight and said she was worried about me, told her she (my mom) has no idea what I have been through with Laurence for almost 3 years of brain cancer; what is wrong with my 3 sisters that they don't even email me or call to see how I am doing? This was not with my permission to do so!!
My mom lives 1800 miles away from me; she worries about me, so I try to be upbeat and say it's okay when I talk to her. But over the weekend I talked to my friend Peggy (I tell her everything); I told her I had just had it; the loneliness; the paramount big thing was finances. I have been looking for a job and have contacted people I know in the field that I have worked in. There are no jobs in that field. I am looking in other areas. I told Peggy I was just overwhelmed with all of it and just at rock bottom. A conversation you would have with a best friend; letting it all spill out.
She told my mom that no one (my family, sisters) have any idea what Carrie went through with L's illness and how much she is devastated by it, etc. That is okay she said that, but it makes me feel even more pathetic and helpless than ever.
I don't want my mom and dad worrying about me (they both have pacemakers). I love love love my best friend, but please don't call me my mom and worry the crap out of her. She is worried enough already.
My friend is having alot of difficult financial problems right now, too. Reduced work hours; half of what she made last year, but her dad and brother are multi-millionaries and take care of whatever she can't. Her kids are in private school and her boyfriend pays for their tuition. She even made a comment to me about how I should write a book about my life (I said oh, how pathetically terrible it has been?). She said Trailer Trash 101 would be a good title as how it has ended up.
And I wonder why I don't want to get up everyday?
The most positive person left my life almost 5 months ago.
I am struggling with that and with trying to make a living on top of it.
Can I attach an a/c small unit to my shopping cart?
?? LOL
Now I have to call my mom tomorrow and try to make her feel better........
Help!!!!!!!!!!!
Carrie