Author Topic: Going away for a bit  (Read 4027 times)

stella joshs mom

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Going away for a bit
« on: December 18, 2006, 02:10:58 AM »
Don't know how you guys who have been on this journey longer survive this holiday stretch intact.  This is awful!  I feel like my mind is so shot.  Can't sleep, eat, think well,get holiday things done.  I hate this!  I am so sad so much of each day lately.  I can't concentrate on much.  Did you all feel like you were losing your minds too?  I am trying for my daughters sake.  But I am so very far from how I was for past Christmas's.  When will the old me return?  How long does it take?  Would moving away help?  Is this so hard because I am not only a working mom who misses her son but also an investigator still trying to find him?  I feel like I can never rest.  Time is slipping away and we haven't found Josh yet!  How does a mother give up?  If I do I may never find him, If I don't I don't know what it will do to me.  On top of all this I don't even seem to be able to remember stuff without writing it down and I have a terrible time making decisions anymore.  All this normal for moms in my situation?  What a mess I've become.  I need to get away for a bit.  My husband and younger daughter and I are going to go visit my older daughter and her family in Washington this weekend.  I will be back in a week or so as I have to be back to school to teach on the 3rd.  Wish I was headed somewhere tropical and exciting, but this will have to do!  I wish all of you a very peaceful Christmas as I know how badly we all need that it seems.  I also wish to thank everyone that has been there for me the last 2 months that I have been at this website.  I also wish to thank Tom for having the insight to start this sort of  a website.  Also thanks to all who help him.  Hope the new year brings us all closer to happier times and an inner calmness we all so very much need!
Stella-Joshs Mom 

Josh and his little sister


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Re: Going away for a bit
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2006, 05:30:50 AM »
I believe not knowing where you child is, is worse than knowing he died.  Last night I watched a program about children who fled where they lived and moved to LA... where they did many things, lived on the street etc.  I said to my husband, can you imagine a parent watching this program and seeing his/her child.  My heart goes out to you and I can understand the never resting.  I am sure that you have done everything possibly legally to try and track him down.  Maybe with a break from you home, you will get ideas, talk to people, read a different paper and ask questions, questions, questions, of everyone you meet for someone may have an answer for an avenue u didn't turn down.
Thinking of you and hoping you find your son, alive and well, and just being a brat.
Rebecca Jason's Mom


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Re: Going away for a bit
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2006, 06:16:32 AM »
Dear Stella,

I agree with Rebecca, it's got to be worse... I just can't imagine.... the torture of not knowing either way, not having any closure... My son took off for Bush Gardens with friends once for 2 days without telling me and I was sooo sick with worry, however his death is final, over time I have learned to accept it. God I wish I had the right words to comfort you...

Have you contacted John Walsh? He has that tv show for missing people... I'm sure you have done everything possible to figure this out, and rack your brain for the action to get results.

I hope you find some peace while away, you sure deserve it.

Keeping you and Josh in my prayers.

Much love,


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Re: Going away for a bit
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2006, 06:29:52 AM »
I agree with Rebecca and Cherri, my heart just aches for you.  I hope you find a little peace a long the way.


Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Going away for a bit
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2006, 07:08:49 AM »
I hope getting away will bring a small amount of peace to you. But I agree with the others as well.

But as for me I know I will never be the person I was before Tammie died. That person left with her.

In my thoughts,
Dottie Tammie's Mom

Chy Scott's Mom

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Re: Going away for a bit
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2006, 07:43:36 AM »
Sounds like agony.  Not knowing would be awful but since I do know Scott is dead, I can't help but wonder if having hope he wasn't couldn't be better.  Who knows, not me.  I did some reading on grief a couple years back because I had lost my mind.  I could drive to the store and back and never remember one thing that happened on the trip but yet I obeyed all rules and got home safe.  Like non-drinking black outs, grief black outs.  The short term memory gets hit pretty hard, I still struggle and it's been 4 years.  If it doesn't make it to a note of some sort. there's a good chance I won't remember anything about it and if I do it's usually after the fact.  I sure do hope you find your baby soon, and try to enjoy your time away as much as possible.  I know I've never smiled the same as I use to before my Scott was killed, nor laughed, nor relaxed or anything.  Thanks for listening


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Re: Going away for a bit
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2006, 06:21:07 PM »

I hope you will find some peace on this trip.  The "not knowing" has to be worse.  I will pray for you and hope that you will find him alive and well.  Holding you close to my heart.