Hello Patty, Terri, Georgia and Patty's Boy -
Thank you for welcoming me to this site. This is a first for me. I was slammed with the loss of both of the "men in my life" in 2006. My Dad died from a bone marrow disease that came on suddenly - 6 weeks after diagnosis and, my husband was diagnosed with cancer 3 weeks before my Dad died. After Garth, my husband, died many people suggested grief counseling. I couldn't think of anything that would make me feel worse. All of my energy was needed to get through the "tasks" that I had to take on as a surviving widow with children. I had given up my law practice to help my husband with his business when he was diagnosed with cancer. It was the business that primarily supported our family and we needed to keep it going. Garth was 52, strong and seemed to be in perfect health but he died four months after diagnosis. After he died, I took his business over completely. I have been trying to manage all of the work, family, household, and grief by being a champion widow. I have terrific friends and family who support me. I have written regularly in a journal and I have read a lot about grief. This has worked mostly. I am certainly better than I was during the first year. I now have long stretches of no crying. I am just starting to find Sidney again. For the longest time I didn't recognize the person that was me. I was desperately sad; anxious; lonely; negative; and; I didn't like myself. I had no sense of a future. It was completely blank - no goals or dreams at all. I have lifted myself out of the worst of it and I hope that this will be encouraging to those who are still at the beginning of their grief. Still, I am so vunerable and that throws me. I wonder will I ever really be happy again? Why does life have to be so hard? I really don't know if I can take much more dissapointment and heartache. This economy scares me, our business is slow. Do I need to lose everything!? Will I ever be loved again? I miss my Dad and I miss Garth. I am tired of being a champion.
Thanks for listening.
Sidney