Author Topic: Lost my 9 year old sister....but she was more like my daughter......  (Read 4453 times)

onesadgirl425

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I am new here, just was searching for help with grieving over my baby sisters death. My little sister Kaitlyn was more of a daughter to me. I was 16 when she was born. By the time I was 18, I was taking her shopping and watching her all the time. We were very very close. If I wasn't working, I pretty much was with her. I got pregnant in 2007 and she pretty much spent the whole summer with me. In October, her and my mother moved into my house because my mom couldn't afford to live in her house anymore. Her and my son were very close, she was like his other mommy. Lol. She was a healthy little girl, and the sweetest ever. She was spoiled, but also generous. She was my little fashionista. On April 25, 2009, she passed away unexpectedly. She was sick that morning, and I told my mom to take her to the hospital around 7:30pm. She didn't take her until after 10:30. She died on the way to the hospital. She was pronounced Dead on Arrival. They said that her bowels were ruptured. I keep on blaming myself because I wish I would have taken her earlier that day.....or I think about how scary it must of been for her to pass........ my heart is broken into a million pieces and all I want is to be with her. I sit at her grave for hours, cry constantly, and wonder if this pain will ever end. If I didn't have my two year old, I know I would have hurt myself already. I just can't get over this. I am angry with myself and God, because she was still just a baby!!!! 

Yesterday I was thinking about her, crying and starting shaking and had some type of episode..... what is this ?

If anyone could give me any kind of advice or poems or words....anything is appreciated!
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Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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I am sorry for the tragic loss of your little sister Kaitlyn. Just heartbreaking.

I imagine you found webhealing the same way I did 6 years ago, by searching and reading. This is a place for healing. For sharing the pain of our devastating losses by being here for one another through the most difficult of times while on this long journey as we struggle to regain our footing in a whole new way.

Your loss is so new that it probably doesn't even seem real to you yet. It does take time. A lot of time and a lot of patience. But, right now, your heart aches so badly for her and the only comfort I can offer is that you have come to a place where everyone understands the deep pain of loss, the anger, the confusion.....every emotion one feels when a part of us is torn from our hearts and from our lives.

Thank You for sharing Kaitlyn with us and know that all of your feelings here will be understood. Please share more as soon as you are able to. Someone is always here to listen.

Again, I am so deeply sorry for your great loss and I hold you close in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Terry

jillsmom

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Oh, your sweet little girl. I am so sorry. I hope you will share more as you are able. I am so sorry. with love, Kay, mom of two angels Jill and Lizzie
cooking for friends 2008

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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((onesadgirl)) there are many people who post here that can write back to you and help you when you feel very blue and share there own experiences and things that have helped them get through the day.
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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I am so very sorry.

Hugs,
Dottie Tammie's Mom

onesadgirl425

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Thanks ladies,

I have experienced loss twice in the past 5 months...my neice was a full term still born baby and she passed on January 13, 2009. My sister left us three and a half months after that.

She passed on April 25, 2009. She was 9 1/2 years old.

I remember, after we left the hospital when my other sister delivered, we had a conversation about death. She asked me, "Why did Faith have to go  to heaven?" and my response was, "God loved Faith so much that he had to have her with him"....... she started to cry and told me that she wanted her back here with us...... Lo and behold, now I wish I could have her back here with me!

Some days are okay, and some days are horrible. I still sleep with her favorite shirt, one that I bought her........

I just miss her. I have to block out thoughts of her because I don't want to have a crazy episode again but I can't act like nothing happened.......

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Brenda Taylors Mom

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I'm so very sorry.. Love, Brenda

Marianne

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I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling.  It isn't fair and it isn't right, but you are not to blame.  I understand how you feel.  I do the same thing.  What if I would have done this or that or this or that....  It can go on and on.  Go ahead and be mad, be sad, be whatever feels right - just keep on being.

I will be thinking of you and sending you strength.
Marianne (Alek's Mom Forever)

Annette

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I am so very sorry for your loss. I know how bad it hurts and it will hurt so bad. I'm happy you have your little girl to take care of.  The crying and shaking are grief -- normal, but hard to deal with. I had to go to the doctor and get anti-anxiety meds that I still take. It helps a lot, but I still have great bouts of sadness. I, too, wanted to die but would never consider it because of my other son. He deserves a mom too.

Take care of yourself and keep looking for help. Compassionate Friends is a group that has meetings, perhaps there's one in your area. They have websites. Just search in Google.
Michael's Mom
12-13-82 - 5-14-07

Trevor & Michael 2004 Age3

onesadgirl425

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Thanks everyone for all of your well wishing and concern. I am still blocking everything out. It has been less than 3 weeks since she has been gone (3 weeks today, actually).

I am so scared to start thinking about it all because of the shaking and stuff. I am going to try to go to the Dr., I think I might need something because I feel like if I don't deal with this it is going to hurt a lot more later down the road.
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