Author Topic: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER  (Read 4357 times)


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« on: May 06, 2009, 10:48:26 PM »
Before Laurence died, we loved to grocery shop together.  It was always a fun time.
After:  I hate the grocery store.  It is no fun.

Before:  I couldn't wait to get up every morning.
After:  I dread the mornings.

Before:  I couldn't wait for him to ride his bike to my house (he was a health nut).
After:  I can't stand to look at my bike.

Before:  We loved to cook together.  Taught me how to use the pressure cooker; even bought me a couple (am scared of them).
After:  Will get rid of the pressure cookers.

Before:  Sat with the kids at the table and ate like a family.
After:  Haven't done it.

Before:  Loved to pray together, him and me, and with the kids.
After:  Have no one to pray with.

Before:  Very hopeful.
After:  Hopeless

Before:  Wore makeup, cared about how I looked.
After:  3" of root growth, no makeup; hard to work up the effort to take a shower.

Before:  Had a clean house
After:  Pig sty

Before:  Loved music (especially his)
After:  can't listen to any

Before:  Life was so bright I had to wear shades
After:  Wear shades so no one can see the puffy eyes and sadness in them.

Before:  Loved going anywhere with him.
After:  It is a chore.

Before:  Loved a little bit of solitude away from him (just a short breather)
Now:  Hate the solitude.

Before:  Loved how he would put a vase of roses outside his front door when I was coming over (roses from his yard)
After:  Can't stand seeing roses in the grocery store.

Before:  Loved exercising with him in his home gym.
Now:  Never exercise at all

Before:  Loved seeing older couples holding hands.
Now:  Am sad and feel cheated.

Before:  Had the list of guests for Oct 6 wedding last year; all the way down to floral arrangements, food, etc.

Before:  Loved him telling my how beautiful I was and commenting on my clothes, etc.
Now:  He would be really grossed out how I look!

Before:  Loved to watch Wheel of Fortune; Who's Smarter than a 5th Grader (we liked to challenge each other)
Now:  Haven't watched any of those shows since.

Before:  Loved to help him put his laundry away, right down to folding his big underwear (he was 6'1" 250 lb. powerlifter).
After:  Can't even cope with the piles of laundry I have.

Before:  Loved to watch House and CSI
After:  Can't watch anything to do with death.

Before:  Loved for the phone to ring.
After:  Hate the phone; it's not him.

Before:  Loved his great sense of humor; his imitations of Forrest Gumpf
After:  No humor here.

Before:  Loved his zest for life even living with brain tumors, HE LIVED!!!
After:  No zest here.........just in robotic motion

Before:  Miss him telling me "quit rolling your eyes"
After:  My eyes are not moving, other than creating new rivers in this hot Arizona.

Before:  Loved how he interacted with my kids and with discipline and love how he changed their lives.
After:  They are rebelling BIG TIME.

Before:  Loved that he loved me even though I smoked cigarettes; I kept it to a minimum when aruond him and completely away from him.
After:   Miss the nagging.  Smoking more than every now!

Before:  He loved my business; loved hearing everything about it; watching prices rise on auctions.
Now:  I don't really like my business; my cheerleader is gone.

Before:  Loved his hugs; loved being this tiny little person next to a big guy.
Now:  Just feelling really little.

Before:  Loved holding his HUGE hand.
Now:   :'( :'( :'(

Before:  Loved that he cared enough to go to my son's school conferences (autistic); going to dr. appointments with me for the kids, going to my daughter's recitals.
Now:  I can hardly make it to a school conference.

Before:  Loved how he called his mom every Sunday after we left church and would tell her how much he loved her.  She would say I love you more and I have loved you longer.
After:  Feel terrible for his mom.  She loved him so much.

Before:  How much he expressed and showed such love to his children.
After:   :'( :'( :'(

Before:  When he was in hospice and had a lucid moment and asked me "What can I do for you?"
After:  Just come back.

Before:  When he was in hospice and had another lucid moment asked me what he did to deserve this?????????  I told him absolutely nothing!!!!!!!!  Who thinks they will ever get the worst brain cancer there is????????
After:  I can't imagine what I did to deserve him not being here!!!!!!!!!!

Before:  Even during illness I was strong and believing for a miracle for him and he never complained.
After:  I am so weak...........

Before:  How he could strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere.
After:  I can hardly talk on the phone.  My sister told me the other day I was mumbling.

Before:  How we loved to sit outside and look at the ponds he had built with gorgeous waterfall, feeding the fish and turtles.
After:   :'( :'( :'( :'(

Before:  HOw I loved the passion he had for me.
Now:  I have no passion for anything.

Before:  Loved being called his "Queen"
After:  I have been dethroned.

Before:  How I felt so secure in having him in my life.
After:  Very insecure about everything.

I could go on and on, please add your before and after's.



Jap Jr

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Re: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2009, 11:06:48 PM »

I can relate to alot of those; hope you feel better after posting that. It is truly from the heart. I pray for some peace and comfort in your life. L sounded like a wonderful man, as loving and caring as you are. I miss Jim more and more every day, too. Be kind and gentle to yourself, and breathe, just breathe. I am here for you.

God Bless



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Re: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2009, 04:22:12 AM »
I feel the same way, the spark has left alot of things I do , now its just like I do them like a robot. I need some enthusiasm (sorry about my spelling). I am grateful to my kids friends for getting me back into reading, I started thid book series and I cant stop reading them and it really has been keeping my mind off alot of things, but yes you do have to come back to reality and its hard, were here for you.

MOM                        JOHNNY


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Re: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2009, 06:31:20 AM »
Carrie, So impressed with your renewed efforts to keep moving- good for you. I am too tired  to do a list but one I thought of is:

Before: I thought daily life was challenging, busy, had some bad times and days, and sometimes beautiful moments and days.

After: I realize every one of those days was absolutely beautiful.


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Re: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2009, 10:25:05 AM »
I don't know what to say, Carrie.

Such a pity that you hate the roses, the flowers that Laurence chose to honour you with. 


Sad Eyes

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Re: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2009, 01:14:42 PM »
Carrie, this post really touched me.  Hope you don't mind if I add one of my own to it:

Before: My Mom, Dad, sister and brother were only a phone call away.
Now:  I miss them so much and wish I could just pick up the phone and call them!!

I don't take the little things in life for granted anymore.  Those are the things I have missed so much since their deaths.

Michelle C

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Re: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2009, 06:23:47 PM »
Luvinmike... I couldnt agree with u more...

Before: My Clarence thought that he was to much for me to handle... with working all day..coming home for lunch and then staying up with him most of the night.. (I did not complain once)

Now: what I wouldnt do to rub his back again... To have that crazy schedule.. even for just one more day   :'(


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Re: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER
« Reply #7 on: May 07, 2009, 07:04:10 PM »
Before: I couldn't wait to go to bed at night and look at late night TV with my husband.
Now: I hate to even get in the bed, looking at TV but watching nothing.


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Re: BEFORE............AND.................AFTER
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2009, 08:46:28 AM »
carrie..all this true.....:(..u have more or less said it all

before : loved shopping for our lovely home
after    : what is the use of buying stuff now ...cant even get myself to live there any more 

before : could not wait for summer to hit the beach and get a tan
after    : will probably stay indoors this summer

before : loved eating every weekend at our fave restaurants
after    : i avoid them like the plague

i live in malta..a very small island in the med... at the rate i am going i just cannot go anywhere any more.
everything and everywhere reminds me of my precious baby  :'(