Before Laurence died, we loved to grocery shop together. It was always a fun time.
After: I hate the grocery store. It is no fun.
Before: I couldn't wait to get up every morning.
After: I dread the mornings.
Before: I couldn't wait for him to ride his bike to my house (he was a health nut).
After: I can't stand to look at my bike.
Before: We loved to cook together. Taught me how to use the pressure cooker; even bought me a couple (am scared of them).
After: Will get rid of the pressure cookers.
Before: Sat with the kids at the table and ate like a family.
After: Haven't done it.
Before: Loved to pray together, him and me, and with the kids.
After: Have no one to pray with.
Before: Very hopeful.
After: Hopeless
Before: Wore makeup, cared about how I looked.
After: 3" of root growth, no makeup; hard to work up the effort to take a shower.
Before: Had a clean house
After: Pig sty
Before: Loved music (especially his)
After: can't listen to any
Before: Life was so bright I had to wear shades
After: Wear shades so no one can see the puffy eyes and sadness in them.
Before: Loved going anywhere with him.
After: It is a chore.
Before: Loved a little bit of solitude away from him (just a short breather)
Now: Hate the solitude.
Before: Loved how he would put a vase of roses outside his front door when I was coming over (roses from his yard)
After: Can't stand seeing roses in the grocery store.
Before: Loved exercising with him in his home gym.
Now: Never exercise at all
Before: Loved seeing older couples holding hands.
Now: Am sad and feel cheated.
Before: Had the list of guests for Oct 6 wedding last year; all the way down to floral arrangements, food, etc.
Now: NOTHING
Before: Loved him telling my how beautiful I was and commenting on my clothes, etc.
Now: He would be really grossed out how I look!
Before: Loved to watch Wheel of Fortune; Who's Smarter than a 5th Grader (we liked to challenge each other)
Now: Haven't watched any of those shows since.
Before: Loved to help him put his laundry away, right down to folding his big underwear (he was 6'1" 250 lb. powerlifter).
After: Can't even cope with the piles of laundry I have.
Before: Loved to watch House and CSI
After: Can't watch anything to do with death.
Before: Loved for the phone to ring.
After: Hate the phone; it's not him.
Before: Loved his great sense of humor; his imitations of Forrest Gumpf
After: No humor here.
Before: Loved his zest for life even living with brain tumors, HE LIVED!!!
After: No zest here.........just in robotic motion
Before: Miss him telling me "quit rolling your eyes"
After: My eyes are not moving, other than creating new rivers in this hot Arizona.
Before: Loved how he interacted with my kids and with discipline and love how he changed their lives.
After: They are rebelling BIG TIME.
Before: Loved that he loved me even though I smoked cigarettes; I kept it to a minimum when aruond him and completely away from him.
After: Miss the nagging. Smoking more than every now!
Before: He loved my business; loved hearing everything about it; watching prices rise on auctions.
Now: I don't really like my business; my cheerleader is gone.
Before: Loved his hugs; loved being this tiny little person next to a big guy.
Now: Just feelling really little.
Before: Loved holding his HUGE hand.
Now:
Before: Loved that he cared enough to go to my son's school conferences (autistic); going to dr. appointments with me for the kids, going to my daughter's recitals.
Now: I can hardly make it to a school conference.
Before: Loved how he called his mom every Sunday after we left church and would tell her how much he loved her. She would say I love you more and I have loved you longer.
After: Feel terrible for his mom. She loved him so much.
Before: How much he expressed and showed such love to his children.
After:
Before: When he was in hospice and had a lucid moment and asked me "What can I do for you?"
After: Just come back.
Before: When he was in hospice and had another lucid moment asked me what he did to deserve this?
?? I told him absolutely nothing!!!!!!!! Who thinks they will ever get the worst brain cancer there is?
?
After: I can't imagine what I did to deserve him not being here!!!!!!!!!!
Before: Even during illness I was strong and believing for a miracle for him and he never complained.
After: I am so weak...........
Before: How he could strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere.
After: I can hardly talk on the phone. My sister told me the other day I was mumbling.
Before: How we loved to sit outside and look at the ponds he had built with gorgeous waterfall, feeding the fish and turtles.
After:
Before: HOw I loved the passion he had for me.
Now: I have no passion for anything.
Before: Loved being called his "Queen"
After: I have been dethroned.
Before: How I felt so secure in having him in my life.
After: Very insecure about everything.
I could go on and on, please add your before and after's.
Luv
Carrie