Keith's birthday yesterday

[WendyRN]

My beautiful son, my baby, celebrated his 21 + 2 birthday in Heaven yesterday.  I have been so stressed for the past 2 or 3 weeks.  Physically ill one minute, hardly able to cope the next, crying, crying, crying.  Looking for triggers to keep me so down.  I guess I just needed to feel.  Sometimes I still feel so numb.  Shouldn't I be out of that stage by now?  Today, Keith has been gone for 21 months.  One minute he was having "a best day" according to his camping friends, and the next he was gone.  Survived a 150 foot drop over a rocky cliff only to then drown in the shallow river below.  Will I ever stop asking why?  Will I always wonder if he "knew"?  I am brokenhearted without him.  I know I should count my blessings.  For all those who are now without their only child or children, I know I can't imagine the extent of your loneliness.  I still have a beautiful daughter and a wonderful son.  They are my joy in life.  So why do I feel so entirely empty.  Like I cannot be filled.  Even with all I have.  Missing Keith has left such a vacuum. 

About 40 of his friends came over yesterday and we shared some memories, launched some balloons.  I'm so happy they came and remembered my Keith.  It meant the world to me.  To my family. 

I love you forever, Keith. 

Wendy, Keith's mom

[Jeanneb]

Dear Wendy,

I want to say Happy Birthday to Keith.  I'm glad you had a day surrounded by love and I know how much that must have meant to you.

Now, don't beat yourself up... I've always found the weeks and days leading up to BD's and angel dates are some of the worst.  I think it must be the anticipation.  I'm approaching 6 years of Philip being gone and I can say that numb is perfectly normal.  I don't ask why anymore... let me take that back... I do but it is rare.

I think we are on the road to "healing" when we do try and remember our blessings and keep that our focus.  I also think that our journey is always going to be somewhat of a rollercoaster.  We will always have days where we can remember our blessings first and then we will have days where the missing brings us right back to square one... I think this is just part of the journey.

While we may have other children and I know we are so thankful for them... they are our blessings... it is still ok to be brokenhearted over missing our children.  How can we not???  Each person in a family has a special place.  Each and every child has their own special place in the family and especially in their mom's heart.  One child doesn't replace another and nothing can take their place.  We still can have joy and at the same time feel broken cause their is someone missing in the equation.

I believe what you are feeling is absolutely normal.  At least for me, everything you have written I have felt along this journey.

So hold on tight... the journey gets softer and the grief changes.  My grief has become a very personal thing now and the outside world and all the hurtful things that people have said along the way are now just bumps in the road with lessons in life.

Sending you strength and a big cyber hug,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever
Bruce's sister

[Dena]

Happy Heavenly Birthday, Keith!

((((Wendy))))

Thinking of you & knowing how hard the Angel Days & Birthdays are. I am glad that you had a good day with your family & friends and I hope you felt Keith all around you.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

[MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)]

you're in my thought's & prayers.

martha

[jillsmom]

 Wendy, how bitter and how sweet. Sweet that his friends remember and are with you, bitter that he's not here. There just can be no substitute that fills the hole. You mention wondering if he "knew". A friend of mine survived a shorter fall, 25 feet or so off a roof, and she said she had no sensation of falling, just the ground coming up to meet her, and she was not afraid. Maybe it's not the same sort of situation at all, but at least there is the possibility that he had no fear. Forgive me if this is the wrong thing to say. with love Kay, Jill's mom

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

Happy heavenly birthday Keith and (((((( Wendy)))))) sending you a huge hug..
Love
Brenda

[tsoley]

Happy Heavenly Birthday to your sweet precious boy. I am thinking about you and praying for you as we are close on this journey together. My son has been gone for 22 months and each day is a struggle to go on. Blessings to you....

[Adams Brokenhearted Mama]

((Wendy)) No truer words were ever written. Your words lept off the page and into my heart. My loving thoughts and prayers are with you and yours. XO Paula