When will I stop being so angry?

[browneyedgirl]

Now it has been a month, and I am still not feeling any better, in fact I feel worse.  I miss my brother so much.
 
I am so angry    I am angry with my father, my other brother, and God.
Because of my brother's son, and my brothers personal belongings, my family is going though some hard times, emtionally.
 
This past weekend I went to his home to help with the final clean out, which a lot of other people had been there before me.  His home had basically be raped of all things, especailly anything of value.  Although I didn't know what it was I was looking for, but maybe a memory of my brother, I could not find anything.  So, I took his shoes.  And a couple of NASCAR pins he had.  That's it.  That is all I have left of Tony.  Shoes.

Being the product of divorced parents, there has been some rather harsh discussion between both sides regarding my brothers things, ie big TV, new truck, travel trailer.  Who should get what, and how much my nephew should be compensated, besides, really since Tony is dead, everything is my nephew's and both of his parents are dead.

 My dad, basically walked out on us and was not much of a father.  I find myself thinking over and over about this, and I am 31 years old.  My parents have been divorced for 25+ years, and I am just now starting to feel the real pain of having an absent father. Never showed up at any of my sporting events or anything that was important to me.  Yet, he entire adult life he was the athletic director at another high school in town, and is basically a legend at this school.  And yet, he was never intrested in any of his own kids' activites.  We recently went to a Hall of Fame induction cermony for him and there were people that had known him for 25+ years, and were saying "I had no idea you had a family, or children".  That was like a kinife in my heart.  My brothers death had brought out old feelings, as well as some that I didn't even know I had.

Why is this affecting me so much now? He does not seem to be interested in having a relationship with my nephew, his grandchild.  I have confronted him over and over telling him, call him, spend time with him, and nothing.  Am I begging him to spend time with my nephew because I missed that in my own life?
However, I was blessed with the most perfect step father, whom my nephew loves and admires very much.  But still, I was missing the relationship with my real father, so am I trying to force a relationship on him with my nephew?

I love and miss my brother Tony and know that he would not want these things happening in my family, but it seems unavoidalbe

[georgiapeaches]

Dear Browneyegirl,
I'm so sory this is happening, but its so commom. It happened to me to, after my husband died basically everyone in his family started grabbing things and I was in so much shock I couldnt move to even stop it. I think it happens alot. As far as your father, maybe you can give him some time, maybe he will come around, its great that you have a wonderful step father, so for now, try to talk to your father alittle at a time and maybe he will slowly come around. Hope this helped you.

Georgia.

[browneyedgirl]

Things are getting worse with me, the way I feel about my dad. 
I have composed a rather lengthy and hateful email to him, which my other brother and mother, as well as step father do not think I should send. Perhaps I will hold on to it for awhile, as I am thinking that the way I feel now will not be the way I feel later.

Today is my little nephew's first baseball game.  His team is called the Diamondbacks and my step father said he would wear Tony's Diamondback shirt and hat.  I know Tony will be looking down from Heavan with a smile.

I love you, Tony.  One month ago you left us, but you will never be forgotten, and we all promise to take care of your precoius little boy.

[ladybug1984]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss and troubles. 

I am having trouble cleaning out my sister's house as well.  But instead of people taking everything, none of my other siblings or parents seem too interested in helping me do this chore.  It's so hard to pack up all of my sister's belongings...everything still smells like her.

You're grieving now, and it's completely natural for feelings of anger to be brought up, especially for your dad.  But I think your mom and other brother are right, take time to settle down and maybe when the time is right, approach your father about all the hard feelings you have.  I think saying them face to face will have way more of an impact than sending an email, because that way he can't hide behind a computer screen or phone line, he has to face the truth.

Take care, give your little nephew a hug every day, he carries a piece of your brother with him always.