Author Topic: I don't know what to do...  (Read 9972 times)

slippingaway

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I don't know what to do...
« on: April 25, 2009, 04:32:07 AM »
I don't know what to do. I mean, I reckon I have a great support group. 22 friends in fact. 2 of them are my best friends. I try to call one of them up to talk when I'm feeling down but they are not there. Recently, I've been crying myself to sleep at night. Feeling lonely, that no one is listening, that I'm all alone. I don't want to inconvenience them at 9:30PM at night so I cry in my room by myself. I don't want my parents to get involved either because they have already done so much for me and I don't want to trouble them.
Now I know this sounds really dramatic but I've been thinking of death. How easy it would be but fortunately, I can talk myself out of it because I'm too scared of the pain that comes with it, not losing my friends and family pain but the physical pain.

Sometimes, it just gets to me. I'll be all alone in my house all day and I just feel really sad and depressed. This time, I rung my friend up and her mum answers, she goes to get my friend and says that it's me on the phone but I hear my friend screaming, "I don't care. I simply just don't care."

I don't know why I get so down all the time. I have plenty of friends, enough food, water and a big house under my head. I shouldn't be complaining but now...I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting? Did I do something wrong? What should I do?

Please help me.

Thank you,
Natasha (15 years)

laurenE

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #1 on: April 25, 2009, 08:51:41 AM »
Natasha,

Being 15 is dreadful enough to make a girl want to cry.  There are so many things that go along with being a teenager...  self esteem,  friendships,  boyfriends, lack of boyfriends,  hormones,  school,  and the list goes on and on.   Its a tough age.  You've got one foot in childhood and one foot in adulthood.  How confusing!

But the good news is,  we all go through tough times, emotional times when we feel no one is there for us..I mean really really there for us.   Thats when we have to be our own best friend and pull out some good coping skills to get us through.

I'm glad to hear you have friends.  But sometimes you can't call friends every time you feel sad.  Some days that would mean calling them 5 times a day, right?  So here's what you do.      You try these other things to help get you through. Some days some of these will work.   And some days you have to keep going down the list til you find something that works for you.

Us adults have to use these very same coping skills some days.  I found them by reading lots of books on stress and depression and anxiety.   And I teach them to teenagers and adults.   I hope it helps.

1.  exercise.... go take a walk or play a game outside.  or go work out if you have exercise stuff in the house.

2.   go find someone to help.  It could be an old neighbor,  friend,  or even helping your parents clean out the garage or bake cookies for someone sick at church, etc.

 3.  listen to music.. upbeat music, not anything that depresses you.

4.  watch a movie.   I just love  "The Holiday"  and other chick flicks.

5.    write.   you could write on here,  or in a journal.  you could write poems or songs about how you feel.     If you write out your feelings,  you dont have to carry them around in your head anymore. 

6.   get out of the house.  Go somewhere.  walk to the park or ask a friend if you can come over.   or call up grandma and see if you can go over there.  or go to the store just to look around.  You dont have to buy anything,  just look and watch people.     But change of scenery does wonders,  so get out of the house once in awhile.

7.  plan a  weekly family game night.  organize it,  make a calendar and plan which game you will play each week (every Friday night etc).

8.  read a book.  this ones my favorite.  it helps one escape whatever is going on,  for just a little while.

If you have any more suggestions,  please add to them here.   Let me know which ones worked for you!

lauren

slippingaway

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #2 on: April 25, 2009, 04:06:34 PM »
Thank you so much Lauren! I've been using the one where I write down what I'm feeling and it's kind of relaxing. So here's some of the things that I write down...

I don't know what to do.
I feel as if I'm being pulled;
One way towards the light,
And the other; Darkness
The Darkness is winning this fight.
The Light is struggling to keep a hold of me
Slowly, slipping away.

I used to hear voices coming from the Light.
Now, they are nothing more than strained whispers,
Covered by the cold, harsh wind of realing blowing in my face.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one is listening,
No one can hear my scream for help.
They have turned their backs
And closed their eyes
To the burning fire swallowing me.~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel the wall are closing in on me.
There's no cracked glass, no doors,
No escape to the blackhole
I'm spiralling into.

I feel like I'm on an island.
Isolated, cold and surrounded by sharks.
No one to call to.
No one listening.
Nothing.

Well...what do you think? Pretty scary, eh?
« Last Edit: April 25, 2009, 04:12:54 PM by glowball »

sevenofwands

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #3 on: April 25, 2009, 05:22:56 PM »
Hello Glowball:

Your parents are involved by the fact of being your parents.  You are their daughter, and they will help you.  I am quite sure they have noticed (you might think they don't, but parents notice everything!).  Do talk to them.
Perhaps you might also talk to someone (an adult) at your school. 

The suggestions Lauren makes are very good ones too.

And.....I wish I were fifteen again.

Take care
Seven






laurenE

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #4 on: April 25, 2009, 06:26:03 PM »
Stay toward the light glowball.   The light will lead you to success,  the dark to nothing but failure and darkness. 
 A wise man once said  that whatever side you feed the most is the side that will take over you and win.    Feed the light.  Focus on that.  Stay away from whatever pulls you toward the darkness.   

Please also talk to your parents and someone at school.   It sounds as if you are sinking into a deep depression,  one that needs something more than just the coping skills that I have listed.  Although they are good ,  it would be wise and mature of you to also ask for help from a counselor as well.    I saw a counselor at your age,  and Im so glad I did. 

Let me know how you are doing and what your parents say.

lauren

slippingaway

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2009, 12:04:21 AM »
Thank you so much for all of your help Lauren! It is so good to just get it off my chest. I will stay towards the Light. I feel so much better and will try my best to be more optimistic.

The trouble is that I don't want to go and talk to my parents because 1) they will think I'm overreacting or 2) they will get a counsellor that will do nothing for me.

I've already been to a counsellor before when I wasn't motivated to do school work when I had glandular fever and they did nothing then. Just say that I am a very nice person and smile a bit and then the second time from when I cried during a Self-Defense class because I thought of when I was sexually abused by one of my close family relatives. I told mum about it as well but she thought that I was overreacting and should just get over it. I have but still, the counsellor or my parents did not do anything to make me feel better really.

I'm going to school tomorrow and I'll talk to my friends then. I'll talk to my best friend about what happened because she seemed really upset when I tried to talk to her. She becomes depressed sometimes that she won't come out for anything other than food and water. She is the only one that I know that gives me good advice but even now, I believe that I am losing her as well as myself.

Thank you anyway for helping. Ever since I found this website and put my true feelings down, I feel so much better. I will keep on trying to be more positive and go towards the light.

Many thanks,
Natasha

laurenE

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2009, 06:05:13 AM »
Sometimes when we find a counselor,  they arent helpful b/c we either have too high of expectations  or  the personality doesnt fit with what we need in a counselor.   

I urge you to ask your mom to find another counselor for you. Hopefully you two will click better than the last one and you will feel more comfortable opening up.   A counselor needs to know about your past sexual abuse,  as this is probobably a big contributing factor in your depression.     

I'm sorry that your mom expects you to get over it.  I wish it were that simple.  But its not.  The effects of sexual abuse lasts a life time in some cases.   Please talk about your pain to someone who will be understanding.   Try the school counselor tomorrow and see if she is helpful.  Maybe she can lead your mom to a counselor who works with teenagers.

I also encourage you to go to the library and look up books on being a victim of sexual abuse.  This may help you in understanding your feelings better. 

keep in touch,
lauren

sevenofwands

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2009, 07:15:19 AM »
Hello Natasha:

I completely agree with Lauren's post to you. It is important to locate the right counsellor for YOU.  The fact that a past counsellor did not suit you, for whatever reason, does not mean you must not try again, and besides this time the reason for seeing a counsellor are different (this time it is not about school work but about past issues).  Please do this for yourself.
Keep posting and let us know how you are. 

As Lauren says, stay away from the negativity and "darkness".  Visualize a lovely silver, gold and purple light all around you.  It helps!

All the best
Seven


slippingaway

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #8 on: April 28, 2009, 02:20:49 PM »
Thank you for all your help Seven and Lauren however, the fact of the matter is that I get depressed sometimes, not all of the time. This website to me, is just somewhere where I can just let it out and not be descriminated by my friends about what I've said.

I tried the school counsellor twice. My mum got mad at me and said get over it. It was just that one time in the self-defense class that I cracked and cried. The school counsellor already knows about my sexual abuse and I acknowledge the fact that at age 9, I could not have done anything to prevent my abuse. Besides, it's a part of being human; wanting to let things go and move on from it.

If I am alone, then it can be very dangerous and I do get depressed but when I am talking to others or even being around them...I feel as though I am not alone. I have learned that. My mother once said, "I am so proud of you. You have qualities that even I don't have...The ability to pick yourself up and keep on going." I think if I think of what my mother said to me, that I can snap out of the depression that I sometimes go through.

I'll listen to songs that make me want to make up my own dance moves too or even read a book as you suggested. And now it's been almost a week from when I was depressed. I do not feel alone, afraid of what is coming tomorrow or that I am weak and completely useless.

Many, many thanks,
Natasha

laurenE

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #9 on: April 28, 2009, 06:32:08 PM »
Natasha,

You said: 

"If I am alone, then it can be very dangerous and I do get depressed but when I am talking to others or even being around them...I feel as though I am not alone.

Then there's your answer for when you are feeling depressed.  Dont be alone.  Go sit in the family room with your family, even if you dont want to talk about it.   Just go be with them or with friends on the phone/computer etc.     

If you lock me in a chocolate shop while I am on a diet,  I am going to cheat on my diet in a huge way.   Know why?  Because I'm human . Because I have temptations. 
   
If you are alone when you are depressed,  you may think about things to do to harm yourself or think about how horrible your life is and dwell on all that is negative.  Know why?  Because you are also human.   

So when I am on a diet,  I need to avoid chocolate shops.  And when you are depressed you need to avoid being alone.   Its what we both have to do to keep ourselves healthy.

You said  :
" My mother once said, "I am so proud of you. You have qualities that even I don't have...The ability to pick yourself up and keep on going."

At times our mothers try to live their lives through us.  And they get angry at us when we stuggle with the same things that they struggle with b/c they want something better for us.   This usually means they also have high expectations for us,  sometimes too high of expectations.  And when we dont meet those expectations,  they get angry and are hard on us.
   
Most often when someone was sexually abused as a young child,  it becomes an issue that needs to be dealt with when they hit the teen yrs.   This is because during the teen yrs,  you start to understand more,  you are more able to express your feelings in words,  where as little children dont have that ability.   Its also a time when you start to become an adult and come into your  own sexuality. 
I am not surprised at all that suddenly you are stuggling with sexual abuse that happened when you are 9.   Deal with it now,  talk about it now so that you can have an enjoyable high school and young adult experiences.

i hope you find good books on the topic.   And I do hope you find a good counselor.

lauren

slippingaway

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #10 on: May 01, 2009, 04:12:51 AM »
Thanks Lauren! You are really helping me. But really, I'm fine. My mum has said some wonderful and I truly appreciate her for all that she has done for me. The reason why she doesn't really spend that much time with me or talking to me is because of my brother.

He doesn't share the same maturity as myself and the ability to be reliable and have common sense to do tasks for himself. He is failing at school not because he isn't smart but because he really doesn't study all that too hard so therefore, mum has to concentrate on my brother instead of me. That is why I feel so neglected but I know I can always talk to my friends and I know that my mum appreciates me as well.

I will always love my mum. Thank you so much Lauren. I am fine and I don't think I will be depressed at all now because I have a large support group even if they are not there in person. So thank you.

Natasha


pondering

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Re: I don't know what to do...
« Reply #11 on: June 02, 2009, 04:10:39 AM »
Don't think about suicide, don't loose your temper. Loneliness is the big problem for every man. You can call your dearest friends which can give you good advice.