Hi everyone:
It's been months since I've been on the site, but I often think of you all. I've been doing okay really. I had a very bad patch just before Christmas and I really thought that was it! My kids rescued me and made me see that I had given up caring. I'd stopped eating, lost a huge amount of weight and got ill. They pulled me back from the edge and I've been trying to be positive ever since. It's so difficult, but I am determined to keep going.
This week my son and daughter came over and helped me clear the garage of junk, and those memories came flooding back. I suddenly realised I'd been doing what I'd seen others doing ... cruising along with a mask on. The mask seems to fit, but the new me who's wearing it belies the expression it shows; I hide my sadness because it makes other feel awkward I think. I rapped someone on this site over the knuckles for doing just what I'm doing, and if I could remember who it was I'd apologise.
Basically, I'm alive, in neutral without an aim. Alive but dead inside! And life is shit!
I hope things have been okay for anyone who remembers me, I'll keep on trying, but sometimes I think there's something wrong with me, others seem to cope eventually?
Love to all,
Pete UK