Hi there my name is Luke I live in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. I just turned 28 on April 15th. I'm sry for your loss flamingo red, I recently lost my mom on April 1st 2010. She passed away in hospital with me and the rest of my family around her, she was unconscious, but I know her spirit knew we were there with her. The reason for her passing away was that she aspirated on food. This means that when she was eating, she swallowed food wrong into her lung passage and it blocked her airway. The night that it happened she was not feeling well and had taken her sleep aid to help with her pain so she could fall asleep in the car on the way home(she had 2 major bone and muscle diseases), my dad found her outside beside my car, she was alone outside eating a burger for all but 2-3 minutes.. He came running in and told me to go help him and that my mom had passed out in the lane way. I tried to help my mom and give her CPR, but I panicked, I don't feel that I did things right.. and the Paramedics took a very long time coming to my house. They also did many things wrong and could have probably saved her life had they not taken so long and did many things backwards She had gone without oxygen for a long time so her brain suffered alot of damage. After quite a few minutes they managed to get her vitals back and brought her to the hospital, She was in hospital for a total of about 3 days. During this time there were test conducted, and I must say the way that the doctor treating my mom acted hurt me very much and not all but some of her nurses were not so pleasant. This whole thing has been extremely hard for me, not that it is about me.. but now I have lost an amazing mom. I think about it every minute of everyday and I just spent my first birthday and mother's day without my mom. Sometimes I feel like im going crazy because of how in shock I still am about all of this happening, I had to watch my sweet caring mother pass away in the hospital. I guess part of me is still in denial that my best friend is gone to heaven so early, she was only 53 she would have been 54 in July. I miss my mom so much and am I totally heartbroken, me and my mother were extremely close and she was a strong woman and was always there for me, even when she was going through so much God and her family were her life, she truly was a super mom. I can't tell you how many times I wished I could have replaced her with myself in the hospital over those 3 days, part of me thinks I'm to blame for what happen because I didn't help her right it seems and I gave her the food she choked on. I forgive the paramedics for messing up but its hard not to think about it. I really can't see my life without my mom. I have been struggling now for 6 solid weeks. I have 2 little girls that need their daddy and I have been doing my best to care for them (not an easy task). I miss and love my mom so much and I can't begin to tell you how empty I feel that part of my life and me as a person has died. I always told my mom whenever she would pass away, I didn't know if I could handle it. I fight everyday to stay stable even though most days I think I'm getting worse and losing my fight. I try my best in honor of my MoM and God, because I know both of them would want me to try my best that and I'm a christian, so I know I'll see my mom soon enough in heaven. If I can say one thing I must say, I don't think anything can compare to losing your mother the person that raised you and made you the person you are today. My mother taught me well and everything she did teach me I'll never forget I miss her smile and she sweetness and her tight loving hugs. I just want my mom back.. but I know it can't happen till I see her in heaven. I guess all I have to say is i might not know exactly how everyone of you feels.. but I know I understand totally and feel the same pain you do. I just pray that well all get through our loss and have strength to get through each day. Take care all, my God bless and touch your heart as you deal with loss.
Luke~~