new person-hurting alot

[pussikins]

flamingofred
i lost my precious mark on 17th february 09....almost 9 months to the day that he entered hospital.
he never left and died there....He was in excruciating pain for most of his stay there and i suffered BIG TIME too seeing him like that. i could relate to you because i married mark in my late thirties and spent 12 beautiful years with my beautiful man.
he died at 58 years and my life is over.
he meant everything to me...totally !!! i really find it difficult to plough through each day and just wish i could be near him. I do not know if i can ever get over his loss....it hurts so so so so so much.
i just keep stewing in my misery

annalise xxxx

[carrieset]

Annalise:

So sorry to hear about your dear hubby.  Laurence died on Dec 24 08 and had just turned 59; he was such a healthy strong man and looked years younger because of his awareness of healthy eating and exercise.  Brain cancer doesn't really care about that, though.

It is so hard to watch them suffer and yes we do suffer watching them go through hell.

I am hopeful as everyone further along says it does get better and is not as bleak and dismal.  I'm at 4 months today and I feel like an alien on this earth.  I'm just all over the place in my mind.  I know I will never get over his death; just will have to live with it.

Hate this journey...............

Hugs to U,

Carrie

[pussikins]

thanks carrie...i really do hope it gets better.
just keep wishing i cud be near him and i cud not give a toss wether i live or not.
dont forget have no kids so it's not like they have to rely on me.
i have my parents and they are really worried about me..poor things but i tend to be selfish in my sorrow.
all we can do is support each other in this hideously ugly road of misery..
i never thought my life could change so drastically...but it has.....for the worse..

[Luvinmike]

So sorry to hear of your loss pussikins of your beloved Mark. It is really overwhelming to accept that our lives are so different now and missing the partner we spent each day with. I hope you will feel some comfort over time in your good memories with your loving Mark. Thinking of you, and you too Flamingo.
terri

[pussikins]

thank you all for your kindness.....at times i just do not believe that something like this happened to me.

i am not special so why should i wonder ? that's life and it sucks !!!

[Jeanne]

My husband died on Feb 5-he was diagnosed on the 19th of Dec-
I know how you feel-he was my soulmate-
I was listening to a Christian station this morning-
A lady was saying how her husband made her feel safe-
I miss that so much-
I switched to another station-
       I will be praying for your peace-
                       Jeanne

[flamingofred]

Thank you all for your support.  It is just amazing to see how we all had such love in our lives.  And I believe that because of that we find eachother here.
I am hating the routine of my life without my husband.  I hate work, people are so stupid don't they realize how precious life is.
It has been 8 months now since he left me.  I feel at times like he is part of me, and other times so lonely.
I just fill my days and nights that's about it.  I am not really living just getting buy.  I continue to pray and thank the lord for his strenght in all this. 
My doggies certainly help me to. 
I now feel like i am in a phase where i am angry and inpatient.

flamingo fred

[carrieset]

flamingo fred:

Feeling the same as you have posted today.  Just going through the motions and trudging through each day and night; not look forward to the sun coming up and trudging all over again.  I am just past 4 months and feel like such an empty shell of a person. 

I, too, keep praying and the Lord for guidance every day and asking for help, "what do You want me to do now"?

I'll feel okay one day and the next I don't see any reason to go on.  But I am here still after 4 months and so are you after 8 and we have to go on.  Hoping to enjoy those rays of sunshine again someday.

Hugs,

Carrie

[flamingofred]

Thank you Carrie for understanding and I am sorry that you are going through the same thing.

Today while in church and the sermon was on honoring and respecting I swear I saw my husband in heaven smiling and looking down on me and he was beside who I think was god.
I think I am suppose to see that he is happy and that one day I will be too as I will one day join
him and God, however I still have some things to do down here.


This vision in my head gave me such comfort and even though i miss him horribly it is good to know that he is happy.

[flamingofred]

It is so strange.  There are some days that go by and no crying and a sense of peace even though I miss him terribly and then days where all I do is cry.

I miss him so much, he was such a beautiful man and I believe that he was finally believing how wonderful a man he was.  He had a hard life, we both did.  We did so much talking in our relationship because we didn't want to repeat the bad patterns in the families that we grew up in.  We made the agreement not to do the horrible things we saw our parents do to eachother and we honored that agreement.

So proud of our love and honorable relationship.  Am so happy i did have that experience.

He rocked.

[Luvinmike]

thanks for writing this encoraging note. I can't survive today- you all know,"One of those times..." I really appreciated reading this today. I bet he would say you rock! You keep those peaceful moments going for yourself, glad to hear it.

[flamingofred]

Knowing that I was so loved by my husband gives me strength, having him not here to give me a hug, a nod , reassurance is so hard.  I just have to remember that he did have faith in me, and love me so much.  Some people strive for this so at least i did have it. 

[patty]

Start a happy memory journal.  And if you are crazy like me you can write letters to him too.  I didnīt tell him enough how much I loved him so I do now.   Patty

[flamingofred]

Thank you for the idea of a memory journal.  I have actually started one.
Thank Goodness I always told him that i loved him and he always told me that he loved me, that is another thing that was so special about him.

Miss him so much.

[flamingofred]

So it has almost been 9 months since Larry passed away.  I still can't believe it.  The other day on the way home I cried cause the song Girls just want to have fun came on the radio and I use to act crazy and poke Larry in the belly when this song came on.  Haven't felt fun in a long time.
In the 9 months since he passed away it is amazing but very few people have asked how I am doing in terms of dealing with Larry's death, I do feel that people may care or they watch to make sure i am okay but I feel as though it is a taboo topic with people.

Disappointed