dear Flamingo, So so sorry for the death of your husband. I miss my husband also. I got my first bit of wisdom in this grief when 18 year old daughter said,"Mom, I am grateful that I had the best Dad in the world for eighteen years rather than complain that he is gone way too soon; some kids never had a good Dad at all."
The next bit of wisdom came from my Priest- he said,"Where there is great love, there is great pain." And finally, this site and knowing others are struggling through grief. I wish I could take it away from everyone else, because it hurts so much, but we know that is not possible. So we get through our days, and we do our best to honor our loved ones. I spent six hours in bed today crying. I just could not do it today ( work, cook etc.). I finally got up after realizing for the 10,000th time that I need to be brave like my husband. Maybe that is how you feel about that courage to live your loving husband gave you. It isn't alot but it is something to go on. Hope you post again. Know that we all care. Terri