I think, those of us that have been care givers to our mates, have had such a rough time adjusting to , NOT taking care of someone. I learned, from my Mother, to take care of my husband, make sure his house was clean, his clothes washed, his meals cooked when he came home from work, his Children taken care of. Then when he lost his legs, we had 2 legs instead of 4. My thinking was always about handicap accesible, plus I work on a handicap school bus. Then, he died. My children are gone, I still work on the bus, but I catch myself think about Handicap accesibility when I am parking the car, or moving furniture. Is that chair going to be in the way of the wheelchair. My children have been remodeling my house. Door Frames and Doos being replaced because of the scratches and scrapes from the wheelchair. It is beginning to look like he was never here. I may just put his wheelchair in the middle of the living room and that will make me feel like he is there when I am missing him. But before I started rambling I was talking about being a care giver. You are so busy taking care of that helpless creature. Then there is nobody. Only you. Now I have to admit that it does feel good, when I am so tired, that I don't have to feel guilty because I am not cooking his supper. He was not one to demand , But as a wife, I thought that this is what you did, so I felt guilty if I didn't. The guilt still comes back to me if I need to do something, but I don't. Then I think, I am by myself, who cares if I do it or not. I guess what I am saying is, after 14 months, I am adjusting to living alone.I am tired. I have taken care of husband and children for a long time. Now it is my turn to take care of me.Not by choice, but it is my turn. My husband is in heaven, having a ball. Seeing all of his loved ones. So I have to make the best of it until I meet him. It took 14 months to get to this point. I wasn't thinking like this 2 months ago. I am not changing my life, because this is the way I like it, everything is familiar and I don't like changes. Alot of things are coming up in church to keep me involved with humans this summer. I couldn't do that last summer, but I can now. I have applied for another job, because only working in the school year is not going to cut it. That's another thing, at 58, you have to support yourself. 2 more years until I can draw Widow's Benefits. Well, I am rambling again.