Author Topic: new person-hurting alot  (Read 80680 times)

flamingofred

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #15 on: March 20, 2009, 06:24:46 PM »
Lately have been feeling alot of anger.  Not very empathetic.
I get pissed off at people who whine about their pain when in my mind i say you don't even know what pain is.
I go to work do what i have to do, then come home and lock myself in my house with my doggies.  I play with my doggies and then feel myself pulling away from the, am scaired to get too close to them in case i loose them.  Sometimes i feel that they are all i have.

I pray and ask God for help and support and find as usual that he works in mysterious ways.  I take my doggies for a walk everyday after work.  The other day met this other woman walking her dog, we got talking , she lost her husband of 48 yrs 5 yrs ago.
I asked her how she keeps on going.  She said one day she almost gave it all up.  She got a bunch of pills and sat in a chair with the pills planning to take them, when her doggie jumped on her lap.  This action pulled her out of it, she realized sdhe couldn't kill herself she couldn't leave her dog.

I have never thought of killing myself but out of our  conversation i learnt that if she can make it so can i.  Thank you lord you put people in our path for reasons.

In my head i knowit will get better but my heart is a different story.

My husband was such a good man.  He had struggled with so many issues in his life, he had been sober for 17 years and I was his fourth wife.  I wanted to have soo much more time to love him he deserved it and so did I.

I miss him sooooooooooooo much.

Flamingo

Luvinmike

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #16 on: March 20, 2009, 07:28:08 PM »
Dear Flamingo;
It makes you really grateful to meet certain people like the lady you met on your walk doesn't it. I have made some new friends in this as well. Including everyone here on this site. I also think as time passes your anger will diminish, it is okay to think of yourself and ignore others when necessary. I have lived in this same area my whole life, I was complaining about going to the store and always running into people. My sister gave me great advice, she said,"You do not need to talk to anyone except if you want to, in every area of your life except maybe your bosses." So, oddly it helped my anger to just shut out anyone who is whiny or gossipy, or whatever. I hope you try my sisters advice. I even have survived the end of a twenty year friendship as I felt so discouraged talking to this energy sucking negative friend, that I ignored her right out of my life.
I hope your doggies are doing well over the weekend. Also good to hear you walk. I need to get walking again. It helps my mind, and I haven't gotten out much. I can tell when I don't walk as my emotions get more intense. I really wrote to say I was thinking of you. And I am glad you are getting out there to walk, keep it up... Terri

futbllwmn

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #17 on: March 20, 2009, 07:36:13 PM »
Flamingo... my dogs (beagle and american eskimo) were, and still are, my lifesaver.  I just can't imagine coming home to an empty house.  My dogs are always here.  The cuddle with me when I cry and just look at me when I scream.  I have many times thought about driving my car off a cliff.... but then who would take care of my dogs??  Really.. I could never leave them behind.   Just last month I adopted another beagle from beagle rescue.  She's 10 years old and was just days away from death in the pound when the rescue found her.  For the first few months after Ron left they were the only thing I could focus on.  I knew I had to feed, walk and play with them.  It is not an understatement, for me, to say they are my lifesavers.  I wouldn't be here today if if wasn't for them.

Jap Jr

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #18 on: March 21, 2009, 07:05:37 AM »
Flamingo;

How wonderful to have met someone on a walk.  I was so bitter at God for taking Jim from me, that I didn't or would not see when he did put people or something in my path. I still have days asking WHY, God? I still have a hard time with that, but I am getting better; I can feel that and finally say that. On Thursday, I was feeling really anxious and jumpy knowing 4 months was coming on Saturday (today) and took my dog, a cocker spaniel, for a walk. My, what wonders it did for me to get out and breath some fresh air. I too, am afraid of losing my dog now; it's just him and me. I am afraid of losing another person I Love; it's so scary now.

I understand about getting angry/mad at people who complain about pain, or more so getting mad at their spouse or significant other; I just say please don't say/do that,  be happy you have them here, and you can be with them; you never know what tomorrow will bring. Get some odd looks and some say whatever. I would like to say that I would glady trade places and have Jim back with me.

Teri; 

Hhow sad to lose a friendship of 20 years, but I can understand that happening; until it happens to her, she won't know the pain. I can already feel it coming, the loss of friends Jim and I had, even the short 4 years we had together, because I am now ME not WE. I can tell the friends of mine, who will listen and those that are thinking, oh no, she will want to talk about Jim; it hurts, but right now, I need to talk about Jim, I need to have those in my life who will listen and be there for me; that may sound selfish, but it's all I have. Will have to try your sister's advice, too - thanks for sharing that.

I miss Jim so much; today it is 4 months and it's hurting alot ...................

Strength and peace to get through another minute, hour, day ...

Jap Jr's - Kay

flamingofred

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #19 on: March 22, 2009, 06:49:32 PM »
Thank you all for your support. 
I have also lost my main friend recently.  Her disrespect was just too much for me.  I only now just speak to her one daughter and mother.  It was her mother's birthday recently and she made a family album and put my husband's picture in it - this album was titled family - my husband was her husband's best friend.  I thought when I saw my husband's picture in this family album that my husband would be so upset with these people.  He had asked his best friend to watch out for me as he was worried about me.  Well obviously some people make promises to dying people that they don't keep.

This incident reminded me that besides God my husband was the only person who truly believed in me, he loved all of me. 
We used to have this saying between us that as long as we have each other then we  can overcome anything, that's why he was worried about me.

I have to be nice to clients at workas I am a counsellor and i also supervise 4 other counsellors.  It truly does take all of me to appear to be caring when all i want to do is hide under my covers until this nightmare is over.

Next month April 21 would have been our second wedding anniversary.  We were going to go on a honeymoon this year.  We couldn't go on our one year as he was doing chemo on the dat of our anniversary.
It will be the first anniversary without him, don't know how i will do.

i know that i am blabbering but again thank you for the support.

flamingofred

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2009, 07:49:15 PM »
Six months ago today my husband died.  Not a great day.  I can't believe that it has been six months my memmories make me feel that it just happened yesterday. 
How can time go so fast.
For six months my wonderful husband has not been on this earth it's sooo weird



flamingofred

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #21 on: April 10, 2009, 02:02:41 PM »
Another holiday without my husband Larry.  I miss him so much.
Last weekend was the first time that I used the term widow and then just started crying.
Grief is just something you have no control over.



Jap Jr

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #22 on: April 10, 2009, 02:44:56 PM »
flamingo

I hurt with you today on the 6 months; it will be 5 months for me on April 21st; and your 2nd wedding anniversay; the pain and hurt are still so raw for me.
Jim and I were to be married this year, but I call myself a "widow" but without the benefits of marriage. I miss Jim so much, as you do Larry.

Strength to get you and all of us through this Holiday without our Loved Ones.

Peace and Hugs

Kay

casper

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #23 on: April 12, 2009, 06:07:11 AM »
Flamingo fred
I know the pain you feel. I am so sorry to hear of your loss; I pray God gives you comfort for your grief and strenth for this journey. I can only say that in times like this "we must look unto the hills which cometh our help". God is always there for us; even in our dark times, downtimes, lonley times. We sometimes don't feel, see or even hear His presence. But, I put my trust in His Word and have to beleive Him. I struggle most days and have much downtime as I have also loss my husband. I relate to your pain. My evenings are the hardest times I face. 

As hard as it is for me; I can say that staying and drawing close to the Lord is the best medicine and best comfort. Stay in His Word, ask Him to comfort you, hold you up; God will give us the direction we need; even when we don't understand and are full of questions, searching for explanations. God sees the picture we from the end. He is familar with our pain, our sorrow, and He will comfort.

I am new on this journey; and new to this board but I have gained so much strength and comfort just knowing I am not alone. Most people I come in contact with don't want to talk about my husband, but I want people to know how good he was to me; and what a wonderful relationship we had. I want to keep his character alive because his personality was so unique.

God Bless you and keep you close to His presence. God can heal our broken wounded hearts. He can revive us with His love, mercy and grace. Just hold on to your faith, and trust in the Lord.

Casper

Pete (UK)

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #24 on: April 12, 2009, 09:09:33 AM »
Refering to Bqarb45: Does the pain get less in time?

I have to be honest and say that there have been moments when the pain has been less, but for me, what has happened is that I have changed in myself. The pain is still there, but I am harder, and I am ashamed to admit I have a colder heart. At times, like Jap, I like to feel the pain, then it reminds me that I haven't left my sweet wife behind. The only people who truly have an idea of the sheer misery and relentless heart-break are those, like us on this site, and other bereavement channels. I've had periods where everything seemed in better perspective, but then it all rushes back; the images you don't want to revisit, the songs you don't want to hear, the little meaningless items in life that you and your loved-one alone appreciated. The pain is intense, but if that's the price we have to pay for the priviledge of finding true love, it's worth it.

I envy those of you who have faith, in any disguise. For me, I feel cheated and have no-one to blame or from whom to seek comfort.

Pete

Evelyn123

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #25 on: April 12, 2009, 12:13:39 PM »
Flamingo Fred: I know exactly how you feel about certain people. I had someone say to me " do you think you're the only one whose lost a husband?" Also, others have stopped calling who I thought were friends. My husband had these guys he used to go out to breakfast with. One of them I have not heard from & one of the others told me he said my husband was his friend not me. This was very hurting. It is over six months now since my husband's been gone & I'm still very depressed. Everything reminds me of him & I do a lot of crying. Also, I have the unveiling of the monument coming up in June. I don't know what to do.Should I invite these "so called friends" or not? What do you think? Best wishes to everyone that their pain should be less with each passing day.

sevenofwands

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #26 on: April 12, 2009, 01:26:03 PM »
I think you should invite your husband's friends, Evelyn.  They were his friends during his lifetime, and I expect they miss him too in their way, so maybe the one you spoke to was hiding his sadness under the gruffness (sure, he should have been more diplomatic!).  People are often at a loss what to say, that is the truth.

Take care
Seven

flamingofred

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #27 on: April 21, 2009, 06:35:41 AM »
Today would have been our second wedding anniversary.  Last year at our one year anniversary we were sitting getting chemo.
Am still so glad he came into my life, miss him so much my heart hurts.

Happy Anniversary honey

Jap Jr

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #28 on: April 21, 2009, 06:53:32 AM »
flamingo;

Thinking of you today on another anniversay date that is so hard for you.

It is 5 months today I lost Jim; I am missing him so much my heart is hurting so bad, I can't stand it. I am so lost, I just cry. I want WE back ..........

Peace and (((hugs))) to us today ......

Kay

flamingofred

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Re: new person-hurting alot
« Reply #29 on: April 21, 2009, 06:51:30 PM »
What started off as a horrible day as it would have been our second wedding anniversary and people being stupid at work it ended up being a pretty good evening.
Thank you guys for your support but I also have to thank the Lord.,  I have been praying the last couple of nights again and thank you lord as you listened and helped.
Aside from it being our second wedding anniversary people at work are being really crazy over stuped things. I was starting to feel that the world was going to hellin a handbasket.  I kept thinking why do people get so rattled about stupid things when people are dying and people have died, people are starving, people are just suffering. I prayed and asked for help.
All of a sudden the lord answered my prayer and at the same time the sun just shone in my living room window.  I got it.  All of the negativity is putout there by we all know who to get us to be negative.  As long as i was feeding into the negativity and not praying then i felt more lonely on my own.  When i got back into praying i truly felt the lord with me again comforting , empowering and loving me.  I then went on my church website to listen to a sermon and continued to feel strong.
I don't mean to preach but having the lord being with me and knowing that my husband larry is with him sort of helps with the pain, i feel comforted and not alone.

THANK YOU