Author Topic: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??  (Read 9606 times)

betty

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Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« on: March 02, 2009, 01:44:48 PM »
My husband (my best friend and the love of my life) of 46 years, 2 months, and 22 days died on January 22, 2009.  He was a diabetic and kidney transplant recipient (15+ years with hsi kidney), so he had plenty of health problems, but we had been to his nephrologist only the week before, and everything appeared fine.  Had be been ill, I think I might have been more prepared, but in a five-minute period, he took a pill that he had to take an hour before he ate, told me loved me, and his head fell to his chest, and he was gone as we were driving through Collins, MS, enroute to Gulf Shores, Al, to spend a week on the beach. 

A friend told me about how helpful this website was, and I hope it.  At times, the pain and loneliness are almost unbearable.  We were both retired, so we were together 24/7.  Some friends say it gets better, while others tell me it never gets any better.  Any advice is appreciated.  Thanks, Betty

tsurandy

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2009, 02:13:30 PM »
Hi Betty, I am so sorry for your loss and the pain and lonliness you are going through.  Everyone has told me it gets better, and I guess eventually it will.  What I do is put one foot in front of the other and keep going everyday, I have learned to put on a public face and let people think I am okay (people who have not had the experience seem to think we should grive a while then get back to normal).  I will be praying for you Betty.  God Bless You!
Peggy's Boy

friedgen

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2009, 02:37:05 PM »
Betty,

I am sooo sorry for your pain and having to see your husband leave in front of your eyes.  That last minute with the one we loved stays with us forever.  My last moment was seeing my husband being air lifted to another hospital.  That thought still hurts so bad.  The loneliness and pain is a constant and horrible part of grief.  I have let myself cry when the loneliness is too hard to handle, or I have called a friend and told them how bad it was and told them that at that moment I did not know if I could make it.  I have also come here and I just write.  All of those seem to get me through, so I make it to the next day to try again.  Reach out here and to friends and family that are just a phone call away.  The pain does not get better, just more tolerable to live with.  Hang on and come here often.  Everyone here is hurting and so caring.  They have helped me immensely. 

Friedgen

Rainman

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2009, 02:53:32 PM »
Betty,

I am so sorry for your loss and the way that it happened.  What a horrific experience.

My wife, Patty, died December 23rd of liver cancer.  Because of the tumor she was not a candidate for a transplant.  I was the only person with her when she took her last breath.  Believe me, I know the pain that you are suffering.  It has been 2 months and 6 days since she died.  The pain has not let up at all, but I am hopeful that it will someday. 

The people on this site, I call my angels, have been my support.  Only those of us who have been through this type of loss can understand the pain. 

Keep coming back.  We are all there for you.

Ray

Jap Jr

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2009, 03:13:16 PM »
Betty;

So, so sorry for your loss and the pain it is causing; I was with Jim when he passed and took his last breath and I, too, have that etched in my memory. It has just been 3 months; November 21, 2008. The pain and hurt are still there constantly, but have heard it will let up some, with time; it just isn't on my side yet.

Everyone here UNDERSTANDS what you are going through and feeling; please keep coming back and posting; it does help. Talk to as many people as you can that will listen; find a grief group, as they will understand. No one else will, that has not been there.

Jap Jr's - Kay

Donna B.

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2009, 03:29:59 PM »
Betty, I am so sorry for your loss. I was with my husband when he died. The whole family was, but it is still with me all the time. He died June 12, 2007 of lung cancer. I can say I have good days and than something will bring a memory back and I am lonely and hurt again. I have had people ask me when I will move on, but we were married 38 and a half years and I just don't feel like I can start over. The lonliness and pain will ease as time goes on and you will have so many wonderful memories of your husband. This site has helped me so much. The people here are great and when you post you will feel the love and understanding. I'm thinking of you Betty. Donna

Michelle C

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2009, 03:38:54 PM »
Betty....

I am so sorry for your loss... 46 years together is a life-time of memories.. Hold on to them and try to let that help you through the hard times...

Tomorrow it will be 8 weeks since Clarence left me  :'( and I was with him when he took in his last breath... It is something that I will NEVER forget... He passed away from Liver cancer on 01/06/2009...

What has helped??? My new friends on this site.. so please keep coming back..

futbllwmn

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2009, 01:23:09 AM »
Betty... I'm so sorry you have to go through this horrible "journey".  My healthy, young, strong husband died of a blood clot to his heart nine months today.  I have not had a moment of joy since that horrible day.  Advice?  The only thing I can say is everyone grieves differently.  Don't let anyone tell you (usually after 3 months) that it's time to "move on".  You do what you want, when you want.  Take care of yourself. I know people tell me it gets easier, but for me that had not happened yet.  Come here often, we all know what you are going through.

Praying for all of us here.

Joyce

flamingofred

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #8 on: March 04, 2009, 05:50:23 PM »
sorry to hear of your loss. My husband died in front of me as well.  The images keep repeating in my mind of him passing away.
It's been 7 months since he passed away , and the pain is still so strong.
I guess what keeps me going is that there aren't thatmany nice caring strongmen out there and my husband was one who was, so I am glad that I had the time with him even though it means this much pain.  It is worth it.
I guess the other part of me feels bad that he didn't get to stick around, that he didn't get to experience more of life.  Even though I know that he is with God and it is better up in heaven I remember him saying to me while hewas in the hospital that it wasn't suppose to be this way.
I don't share my pain with my friends.  My husband was the only person in the world who I trusted with my true emotions, so it helps to share here.
I know it will get better.
Take care and just go through what you have to go through

Carlina

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #9 on: March 04, 2009, 07:14:36 PM »
My husband died as I performed CPR. I have been having dreams about what I could have done differently to help him. The doctors have said that there was nothing that I could have done differently. I am an EMT and have saved others but not my Mark. I think about the last time over and over.  I am sorry for all of us that had to watch the last breath leave our love ones, especially when it is unexcepted.

sevenofwands

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #10 on: March 06, 2009, 04:37:26 PM »
All Is Well
Death is nothing at all,
I have only slipped into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by my old familiar name,
Speak to me in the easy way which you always used
Put no difference in your tone,
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household world that it always was,
Let it be spoken without effect, without the trace of shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It it the same as it ever was, there is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near,
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland
1847-1918
Canon of St Paul 's Cathedral



They are not dead,
Who leave us this great heritage of remembering joy.


They still live in our hearts,
In the happiness we knew, in the dreams we shared.


They still breathe,
In the lingering fragrance,windblown, from their favourite flowers.


They still smile in the moonlight’s silver,
And laugh in the sunlight’s sparking gold.


They still speak in the echoes of the words we’ve heard them say again and again.


They still move,
In the rhythm of waving grasses, in the dance of the tossing branches.


They are not dead;
Their memory is warm in our hearts, comfort in our sorrow.


They are not apart from us, but part of us,


For love is eternal,
And those we love shall be with us throughout all eternity.
Anon

futbllwmn

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #11 on: March 06, 2009, 06:24:49 PM »
Seven... that was beautiful....  Thank you

Joyce

georgiapeaches

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #12 on: March 06, 2009, 07:08:21 PM »
Betty,
so so sorry for your loss, I do wish you some peace and comfort.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Barb45

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #13 on: March 14, 2009, 12:37:29 PM »
Betty, My husband was diagnosed with SmallCell lung cancer Jan 08. I knew all year, I was on pins & needles, it was afast growing cancer!I was not ready or prepared! In a way it may have been easier for you, but not! There is NO EASY WAY!! We all are going thru the same here. I am hoping it will help me somewhat. I  am thankful they have this website. helps to know I am not alone in this. God Bless you all!!

"Why did you have to go...."

simojt_marjun

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Re: Pain and loneliness: Does it get better??
« Reply #14 on: May 07, 2009, 11:33:49 AM »
Sorry for your lost i think you need an advice or help on how to move on about your suffer, i have a friend hes situation is the same to you actually she had some source of what are going to do for lost her husband she wrote a story and sharing it to others for have some many advice, try this free e-books so many inspirational story and you can share your story too.

newbielink:http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/husband-died.html [nonactive]