Author Topic: Mommy  (Read 4704 times)

tinkabell8998

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Mommy
« on: February 28, 2009, 06:45:28 AM »
My mother was only 49 when she passed away. She was born on 4~20~59 and passed away 9~20~08 just 2 days after my 19th birthday. The day of my birthday was the last time me and my mother spoke. She called me up to wish me a happy birthday and to tell me that she loved me. Then out of nowhere she asked me when i will be moving back to NYC because she really missed me and at that time i was living in Cali. I told my mom that i wasnt sure when i would have the money to get on a plane to come back and then she started to yell at me. She said that she hated me and never wanted to see me again. I started to yell mommy im sorry i love you ill try to get home as soon as i can then she hung up on me. I tried to call back but she wouldnt answer the phone. Then 2 days later on Sept 20th thats when i got the most horrifying phone call in the world. It was my my dad crying and screaming saying that my mother had died. I immeditally started to scream and yell saying no no i want my mommy i yelled so loud the neibors heard me. My body started to shake i didnt know what to do if felt like half of me was missing. Then i called my friends who lived back in NYC because i didnt know what to do. Then i went to my old job to tell them that i had to quit and that i had to move back to NYC and one of my co workers asked me how i was going to get home i told him that i wasnt sure and he told me to go with him so i did. He took me to the bank and gave me 300$ so i can get home. I started to cry and thank him he was like sent to me like an angel. I havent spoke to him since i lost his number and if there was any way that i could see him again id give him the biggest hug ever becuase without him i dont know how i wouldve got home. Then i went back to my sisters house becuase thats who i was staying with at the time and called my aunt Jenny who lived in Las Vegas and she told me she booked me a ticket to come home and i got in the first plane back. I got back to where i live in staten island, ny at 6 am the next morning. My ex boy friend keith was there to pick me up. He drove me to my house and while i was in the car i started to shake ans cry then he pulled over and held me tight and wouldnt let me go and told me everything was going to be ok. I never understood why people hated when people said everything was going to be ok till now. It really does bother people becuase you know in your heart that it really isnt. When i walked through my door i got a cold chill down my spine and the first person i saw was my brother brandon he was sittingf by the computer with a cold look on his face like he just saw a ghost. He told me what happened andi walked into my moms room where she had passed. She passed away in her sleep and when i looked in her room there was blood all over her bed and then i started to cry. My dad told me to go lay down because i couldnt sleep the hole time i was on the plane. So i tried but i couldnt so i got up and just sat there crying. Then out of nowhere a friend of mines who i was fighting with at the time came over and gave me a hug i couldnt belive my eyes i was so surprised that she came. She stayed for awile then she had to go to work. I then begain to call all my friends and family and told then the new they all begain to cry and asked what they could do. Then my uncle called and told me he would be at my house in 3 days because he lives in north carolina. He came down and we went to the funeral home and we asked how much would a funeral be and they told us 15 thousand i couldnt believe the price they told me. Then my uncle told me to step out the room so i did not knowing anything and i went on my phone and started to text my friend jake who wanted to make sure that i was ok. Then my family walked out the room and told me that my mother would be getting cremated. I started to scream and yell because i didnt want her cremated. All i could picture was my mother burning for days. Till this day i wont talk to my uncle becuase of it. But i never liked him anways because he raped my mother when she was a teenager and i didnt like how he looked at me. Its been 5 months since she passed and till this day i still think its my fault that shes gone. I keep saying if i didnt go to cali and if i was home she would still be here with me. She passed away from a accidental overdose or she ment too of a pain patch that she was on called Fentynol pain patch. I recomend everyone who is on the patch to get off it immeditly its killing people all over the would plus it was recalled a year ago. I really didnt have time to morn the loss of my mom becuase she left me alot of responsabilities. Like taking care of my younger brother an she left me her apartment and i had to go do all these places to make sure everythings ok. I have to do the cleaning thr food shopping and laundry i have so much on my shoulders now its insane and im only 19 yrs old. Until a a few days ago i really didnt have time to moarn her and thats when it happened. I was rushed to the ER because i couldnt stop crying and i was having a panic attack. They told me i was depressed and put me in Lexapro but that didnt work it made it alot worse. An hr later i started to have suicide thoughts i wanted to take the whole bottle and go to my mom where there is no pain or sadness. Thats when i knew something iwas seriouslly wrong becuase i went to my friend Elliotts house. He saved my life if i didnt go see him i wouldve died that night. So then the next day i went to see my Dr and he said i have Panic attack disorder and he put me on a small dosage od Clonzapam 0.125 mg and he wants to see me on monday to see how i am doing. But so far ive been a little better and my best friend Jennifer had been staying with me to make sure im ok and that i dont freak out so bad. Im also agoing to start seeing a therapist next week. I think i need the help i feel like im going insane. I really miss my mom and i dont know what to do. I just havent been myself lately and its been scaring me and my family and friends. Ive been sleeping with my moms blanet and ive been wearing her shirt to bed and its the closest i can get to my mom. I just wish she was here with me i miss her alot and i feel like im going crazy. If you understand where im coming from and how i feel please write back it would be nice to actually speak to someone who knows how i feel exactly.


Teresa Carol Uricoechea
4~20~1959 to 9~20~2008
Amber Uricoechea xoxo

Luvinmike

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Re: Mommy
« Reply #1 on: February 28, 2009, 09:41:22 PM »
tinkabelle;
How sorry for you, i'm so sorry you are grieving for your Mom. It is scary and difficult to adapt to the death of a close family member. It can feel insane for sure. My Priest said,"where there is great love there is great pain." So take comfort in knowing that you and your Mom shared a great love and that is why you are hurting. Carry on in her honor. And don't worry about that teenager stuff, and the phone call. Your Mom loves you still. Mom's all yell at their kids, and worry like crazy about them. That is all that was. Your Mom was definitely proud of you for being so independent. Try to take care of yourself. Do what you can to keep healthy. I am getting a lot out of meditation and exercise. You are in my thoughts. Terri

Michelle C

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Re: Mommy
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2009, 08:28:09 AM »
tinkabelle....

Please do not blame yourself... You have NO control over life or death... I fuss at my kids and get fussed at by my mom (and I'm 40)... ALL the time!! Thats all part of being a parend and/or child... and it doesn't take away the love I have for them or them for me... (make sense?)

I too have lost a parent (my dad) and it was very difficult to deal with... I was young (22) and I was very sad for a long, long time. I just tried to remember the good times and everything that he taught me... And I hope that you can do the same... Talking to us, friends and family... will help you sooo much. It has me... It's normal to want to be close to your lost family member... so if sleeping with her stuff makes u feel better... then that's ok...

I will be thinking about you...

Hugs and prayers

Michelle

tsurandy

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Re: Mommy
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2009, 04:25:11 PM »
Teresa, I am so sorry for your pain.  You are far too young to have lost your Mother.  I lost my Mama almost 6 months ago, I am 52, but let me tell you it hurts, it is that worst pain I can imagine.  Do not blame yourself for anything, and always remember you loved your Mother and she Loved YOU!.  Nothing else matters.  Remember the love!  God Bless You!
Peggy's Boy

Jap Jr

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Re: Mommy
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2009, 08:27:11 PM »
amber;

so sorry for the loss of your mom and your pain. you know she loved you and it's NOT your fault; we all wish we could take words back that were spoken in haste, but we can't, or to say we are sorry. you didn't cause her death, do not blame yourself. I lost both of my parents 11 months apart, 6 & 7 years ago; it will get better with time.

if you feel close wearing her things, by all means do! whatever it takes to help you through the pain.

how are your brother and dad doing?

praying for you and your family

(((hugs))) too.

Jap Jr's - Kay
« Last Edit: March 10, 2009, 12:41:23 PM by Jap Jr »

rita-grammy

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Re: Mommy
« Reply #5 on: March 04, 2009, 12:53:44 PM »
Teresa:
I am so sorry for your loss...as a mother that lost a child ...I know your pain ..I don'nt think she would want you to blame yourself ..she loved you and as a parent I know she did with all of her heart ...I am so sorry for everything you are going through now...but, you are strong and you can do it ...your Mom knew you could...


rita-grammy
I'll love you for always
I'll like you forever
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be

hippiegirl78

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Re: Mommy
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2009, 09:44:06 PM »
im so sorry for your loss..i want you to know i understand my mom died august 26,08..she took me to get my hair cut and she was laughing and happy that day. we went to my grandmothers and talked to her for a long time. then we came back home and she layed down and she got on her breathing machine. she had emphysema and copd. she had that for years. i watched tv for a hour and she fell asleep. i woke her up and told her i loved her and i went to my boyfriends house. our cells was turned off and we didnt know that people were trying to get up with me.i drove home with people all over my house and i found out she died. i flipped out .. i never thought it would hurt so bad but it did. im still grieving til this day. everything reminds me of her and every smell brings tears to my eyes.to think i will never see her again hurts so bad. since that night i  have cried every single night.she used to sit up and talk to me.. i have noone and they dont understand.because i lived with her..so i do know your loss and im deeply sorry for you :'( she would have been 60 this year..

georgiapeaches

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Re: Mommy
« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2009, 09:49:33 PM »
Dear Tinka,
I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my mother this past November from Colon cancer, it was very quick and right after I lost my husband, so it was a hard year. Your not alone in this journey, we are all here to help, welcome to the site.

Hippiegirl,
I'm also very sorry for your loss and that you feel so alone. noone should ever have to feel that way. There are alot of caring and supportive people on this site, so just come here when you feel that when and the lonliness will go away. Prayers to you, welcome to the site.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

tinkabell8998

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Re: Mommy
« Reply #8 on: March 10, 2009, 12:10:18 PM »
hey everyone my name isnt teresa its amber. teresa was my mother who passed away
Amber Uricoechea xoxo