Author Topic: Acceptance  (Read 6664 times)

SueH

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Acceptance
« on: February 24, 2009, 01:11:20 PM »
HI
For the past 7 years, I keep hearing/reading that as soon as we can accept what has happened.. then we will begin to heal.
I'll never accept that my daughter passed... so I guess then I'll never heal?
Do any of you here accept the death of your child?

 :'( Sue *Sara's* Mom
"yep yep yep"

Dena

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2009, 02:51:33 PM »
That is a really good question, Sue!

Do I accept Josh's death?  I supposed I will never accept that he was taken much too soon.

I have come to terms with what happened, like Judy said.  Josh also made a very bad decision.  I have learned to walk with it, so to speak.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2009, 03:37:25 PM »
Good post. I don't want to accept nor do I want to heal. I want to feel the pain forever of losing Adam. Anything less would feel totally disloyal to him. I don't want him to be a memory, I want him in the here and now. So for me my acceptance is that I will never heal.
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

Terry

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2009, 04:55:56 PM »
Good question and worth airing, freeing our souls, the pain in our hearts just a little more?!

Yes, I've accepted the death of my children. Am I having an extremely difficult time living without my Jeff? Oh Yes! I miss ALL of my children. But, for me Sue it's been, not only a very long time since I lost Michelle and my Sal and because of their dying and Jeff being my only surviving child, the center of my world, my greatest support, my everything, (but I know not anymore than anyone elses' child here)....I struggle with him being gone and at times, agonize over it.

Healing 'has' come and in amazing ways. I live a good life. I run a successful business. I have a few good friends. I'm blessed in so many different ways. And, I couldn't make this claim even 3 years ago.

Do I backslide? yep, yep, yep. (in loving memory) But, I bounce back quickly. There's an amazing inner strength that has always been a constant for me, and along with my faith, I'm able to say the word 'acceptance' and believe it, although I will never feel good about it.
It's like breathing...it's 'necessary' and a part of reality.

Also and very important is the contact I have always had with Jeff and it's strong and beautiful, but only when my heart is at rest and I stop fighting the fact that he's really gone and he's never coming back....not in the physical sense, that is. Because he IS with me but I push him away every time I let the pain control me because there is NO WAY he can come to me when my mind and my heart are denying he's even gone. So, I figured that out a long time ago and whenever I get really crazy and fall hard into that bottomless pit of grief, I very quickly remind myself that I'm hurting both me and Jeff.

You know as well as I do (that it's very hard work living without our children and) how staying deep in grief denies us of the one thing in life we crave....being with our children.

I've made a conscious decision that when I start to go 'down' that I will do everything I have learned to get out of that place. And each time it happens, it does get easier.

I've discovered a terrifying truth...We can't reach the light, feel the love, our children, until we go through the darkness, grab onto IT instead of  it pulling us further down where there 'will' be no light.  Only then does that diminish the control  that will ultimately, free us. And that is what truth does.

I'm sorry I couldn't give you a shorter version of my explanation of 'acceptance'. This is what I feel. What I have learned. And 'this' part of the journey, for me, never changes.

(((((((Sue & Sara))))))) Always in my heart.
We walk together. We hurt together. We grow together.
"And, We'll Find the Light Together"
My Love,
Terry

rita-grammy

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2009, 05:13:24 PM »
Sue:

I can't accept... in 7 months I have'nt and I just won't...not my baby..not my Boo....at times I feel as though I have come to terms to her death but, the next day ... I have not...I don't know if we ever heal fully..I feel like a piece of heart has been pulled out of my body..I am a different person..and sometimes..I just the world to go away and leave me alone with my memories. I will never be the same person again ...losing my Boo has forever changed me...whether that be good or bad it is just the way it is...I do pray somehow we all find peace in our lives again...

Rita
I'll love you for always
I'll like you forever
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be

nancy/Patricks mom

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2009, 06:36:53 PM »
not only can i not accept it i still cannot believe it it has been 14 months and i still expect him to walk through the door :'(
NANCY/JOHNATHAN PATRICKS MOM/3-31-87 - 12-08-07

tsoley

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2009, 06:49:57 PM »
Accept it? I don't know. I feel Jordan closest to me when I am quiet and still and envisioning him in Heaven doing God's work. My response is similar to Terry's, I think. But I am not sure that is excepting it. I know I will never see him again in this lifetime and that thought makes me double over in pain.
Tammy (Jordan's Mom)

SARAH()

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2009, 07:51:54 PM »
I accept they are gone......but there are a lot of things I don't accept.

I don't accept that it is not OK to mention them in polite company
I don't accept excuses on behalf of all who were involved in our briefly surviving twin daughter's accidental death, not excuses for the way we were treated, for the lack of information, lack of apology, lack of responsibility.  I would have accepted the mistake if responsibility was voluntarily taken, but it has never been, so I don't accept "it was a tragic mistake" line either.
I don't accept that they died for some purpose.  They were people, not a Sunday School lesson.
I don't accept that it is not possible for me to mourn them, long for them forever, even as I continue to move forward with my life.  I don't accept that mourning them indefinitely is an unhealthy thing, as long as I am present for the living people that matter to me, because NOT acknowledging them, and what they mean to me makes me feel completely insane.

My period of non-acceptance of their actual deaths was mostly disbelief.  The series of events that led to their passing were so improbable, so unlike my other life experiences, or the experiences of those around me, that it didn't seem like it really could have happened.  It took years before that feeling lessened.  It is still sometimes challenging telling their story.  It sounds like I made it up.  I wonder if the other person is thinking "could all of these things REALLY have happened to one family?"

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #8 on: February 24, 2009, 08:55:29 PM »
My answer to that is just plain no I cant' accept Taylor is gone.. almost everyday I think how can he be dead ????

Karen Paul

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #9 on: February 25, 2009, 06:54:47 AM »
Sue - what a good question.. I am not a parent so obviously my journey is completely different from you all - but I can say after 5 years- I have accepted the reality that Chris is not here with us on this earth anymore - there has been no choice but to realize this, the glaring hole in my family is a constant reminder - 

I have not accepted anything about the "way" in which he died, being hit by a truck while riding his bicycle home, having the driver leave the scene without calling for help and then trying to cover it up and lying to save himself because he had been drinking.. there is nothing about any of that that I will ever accept..

I have accepted that my role is to remember Chris and find ways to help my brother and Chris' mom as much as I can by letting them know that Chris is still and always will be part of my life.. that he is always thought of and remembered and that they are still his parents.. though they've both lost their only child. And my role is to help my parents know that they are still grandparents, though they've lost their only grandchild.

And I will always be Chris' aunt and proud of it.. and his love and light will live on in all of us who remember him and share him with others.. this I accept..

Thank you all for allowing me to share my precious nephew with you!
luv and hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt


SueH

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #10 on: February 25, 2009, 08:54:48 AM »
I APPRECIATE EVERYONE TAKING THE TIME TO COMMENT ON MY QUESTION
IT CERTAINLY HELPS ME AND I HOPE IT HELPS EVERYONE ELSE TO SEE HOW JUST A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT WE ALL ARE AND HOW OUR GRIEF PLAYS IN OUR LIVES.
 :) SUE *SARA'S* MOM
"yep yep yep"

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #11 on: February 25, 2009, 04:32:01 PM »
Sue,


No I can't accept that my daughter is gone from me for the rest of my life here on earth. That I will never see her beautiful face again.

I have learned to live with the pain and  emptiness and wear my mask better now than in the beginning. Not a day goes by that I still don't say WHY. Accept "NO".

Hugs,
Dottie

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #12 on: February 25, 2009, 05:34:33 PM »
Well, I will never accept the fact that after 10 years of loving my son, 10 years of taking care of him of being his Mom that it took only 2 seconds for some pathetic excuse of a human to take him away from me. I do not accept that somehow I am supposed to function, to "move on" (as society says) without him. I will NEVER accept the fact that my precious boy is dead. What I have accepted is that not only am I Charlies Mom, but Patricks Mom, Emmas Mom, Braydens Mom and Sophias Mom, that they need me and deserve me just as much as their big brother did. I have accpeted that I will have moments of total, gutwrenching, debilitating sadness every day for the rest of my life, that it is now my job to move forward each day as best I can and draw strength from wherever I need to in order to make that happen. That I have no choice but to deal with the mess this tragic disaster has left behind...I know what my job is and I accept it, but accept or make peace with the death of my son....I doubt it!

paul vidler

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #13 on: February 26, 2009, 03:21:04 AM »
aceptance ? what does is really mean in the context that were talking about.  Forget the dictionary,  im not going to bother with that.
It means to me 2 things,  that you understand and acknowledge something.
For me the details are quite complicated surrounding the lost of my precious boy Hunter that I don't understand yet.
I do acknowledge his passing,  I'm not delusional but a big part of me wants to resist this sad feeling of acknowledgement.  It's normal to resist bad feelings especially for me.

Only you will know what it means to say you accept it.
I'd love to hear what others think ?

For me I'm only half way there and with the resources I have available to me I do fear I will never understand the circumstances surounding the loss of my son Hunter.

I do hope that the simple version of ackowledgment is eough to begin the journey of heeling and be at peace in your soul.

Hugs,  I love you all !

Hunters Dad
Paul



rita-grammy

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Re: Acceptance
« Reply #14 on: February 26, 2009, 04:42:56 PM »
Acceptance??? do I know shes gone ...yes...do I understand ..no....do I accept that I will never see her again...no .....I understand the bad feelings ...wanting to hide ..under a rock ..anywhere ..I pray and I ask God to please not let this be real.....people don't understand and they think you are crazy...and maybe I am ...but, in my world she still lives..within me ..in my heart and my soul..she will always live....to fully accept I suppose someday I might come to terms with her death ..but, for now I cannot ... when people ask me how many children I have ... I always say four...two boys and two girls....in my mind she lives...and I think as long as my heart beats she will always live...acceptance...not right now ...I refuse to accept..Just my thoughts..

Rita
I'll love you for always
I'll like you forever
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be