Author Topic: I'm so lost  (Read 7313 times)

esmtrs

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I'm so lost
« on: February 24, 2009, 10:40:44 AM »
The love of my life, Thomas, died on Feb 11, he was only 51.  I am so consumed by grief and the overwhelming feeling of loneliness.  Please help. E

Donna B.

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2009, 11:01:54 AM »
I am so sorry esmtrs, I know how you feel. my husband died over a year ago. The grief and loneliness is so unbearable. I only can tell you it will ease a little. You never forget them or wish they were still here. There are a lot of great people on this site. Just keep posting, believe me it helps to get your feelings out there and you will feel the love and caring from them. Thinking of you E. Donna

esmtrs

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2009, 11:31:48 AM »
Thank you, Donna, for your message.  Tom and I loved each other so unconditionally.  I am only 37 and was looking forward to the rest of my life with him.  His Dad lived to be 86 and his Mom is still alive at 93 and I never thought I'd lose him at 51.  I can't move, I can't breathe, I can't function....it's so devastating.

kevinjj

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2009, 11:38:05 AM »
Esmtrs - I am so very sorry for the death of your loving husband. You are just now coming out of shock and it is terrible, raw, harsh, extreme and so confusing. Im sorry you have to be with us but we know what you are enduring. Please join a grief group if you can, it helps, don't hesitate to see a Dr about  a sleep aid either to help you get some sleep. I did counseling to help me sort the feelings. My marriage was wonderful but I still needed someone objective and not connected to help me - you will feel that you are truly losing your mind at times - all that you will be feeling is NORMAL there is nothing wrong with you but the worst thing possible has just happened and we are so sorry for that. Keep posting, tell us what happened if you fee like it, don't make any major decisions and dont let anyone tell you how you should be feeling. Reach out to people, call them, chat - you will forget things easily so make a list every day of little things you have to do. You are not alone in this, keep posting - Kevin - I lost my wife a year ago, 2/14/08

jukeboxlady

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2009, 12:51:57 PM »
Hi Esmtrs....My name is Sharon and I'm sorry we have to meet like this...I lost my husband Don March 30, 2008...Everything that has been written to you is true...At time I thought I was losing my mind...I walked and walked everyday finding myself at places I have no idea how I got there.  I kept hearing..."Time Will Heal"...Yes time does help, but it doesn't heal....I had a wonderful support group, my life is filled with many wonderful friends and  family that continues to encourage me to carry on...My Granddaughter Julia said...It's good to have grandma back again...I'm no longer afraid.  I have been to hell and survived so far, I will never get over the death of Don...The pain is always there....So come here often Estmtrs and write your feelings.  I found this to be the most difficult Journey I have taken and I continue to work my way through each moment of every day...

Jap Jr

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2009, 03:37:03 PM »
estmers;

So sorry of your loss; it is so hard to grasp the idea that a Loved one has passed. It was just 3 months Saturday that I lost Jim and unexpectedly. Find a grief group, talk about your loss as much as you can to whoever will listen; it helps to talk about it over and over. This site is wonderful in the short time I have been here. There are many who have so much more time behind them than I, but I know it's a place I can come to and EVERYBODY understands what I am going through; they don't judge. Write as much as you want here.

Jim and I were to be married sometime this year; finally found each other after we thought there was no one left for us; we had 11 children between us. He used to joke that his family lived to be in their late 80's and 90's, so I would have him for a long time; we looked so forward to our future.

This is not a journey any of us want to be on, but we dodn't have any control over it. I thought this happens to other people, not me and now I am that "other people". 

(((Hugs))) to you; peace and prayers as you continue this journey.

Jap Jr's - Kay

Rainman

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2009, 04:11:27 PM »
Dear E..

I am only a month and a half ahead of you in this horrific episode of my life.  My Patty died on Dec 23rd.  What you and I are feeling is the most intense hurt one can have.  I still don't know how I am enduring it.  I cry every day, multiple times per day.  I am still in denial and think that I am going to get her back.

Everyone on this site has, or is going through, exactly what you are going through.  We totally understand and hopefully can provide some level of comfort and, occasionally some good advice.



Please keep coming back and talking with us. 

Ray


georgiapeaches

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2009, 04:18:02 PM »
Dear E,
I'm so sorry for your loss, it is so new for you. I lost my husband last April very suddenly. It is very devastating to everyone involved. Your not alone. please come back and post as much as you like.
your in my prayers.

georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Carlina

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #8 on: February 24, 2009, 07:29:02 PM »
estmer
I lost my husband very suddenly on July 13th. He was 53 years old. I also felt that the world had stop and then turned upside down. I agree that major decisions should not be made right away. If you do have to make a decision find a lawyer or banker to help you. They will have a clearer head than you or a family member.  I had to make some decisions quickly after my husband's death about our farm and several area farmers help me to understand what needed to be done.
I have started a journal about my feelings and what is happening with me. I find that the journal is a good place to store memories, and thoughts of Mark. I have surrounded myself at work and at home with pictures, and his things because they bring me comfort.
Most of all be kind to yourself. Try to eat even though you don't want to. Try healthly fruits and light foods as these are easy to digest. Keep fluids also such as fruit juices and water. I know that it is hard to sleep but even a small nap will keep you clear headed for what you need to do.
Find a support group to talk to and of course stay with this board. All  of us will help you.  I hope that in this long piece you will find something that helps Carlina

Luvinmike

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #9 on: February 25, 2009, 02:45:39 PM »
Dear esmtrs;
Very sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Thomas. I am so sorry for the grief, pain and confusion that accompanies such a heavy loss. please know there are many of us here who also miss our spouses and we would like you to post when you can. Please take care of yourself, be careful and gentle with yourself. Kind thoughts go out to you. Wishing you a moment of comfort and peace. Terri

LLM

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #10 on: February 26, 2009, 07:16:55 AM »
I lost my boyfriend of 11 years on 12-21-08. It was a sudden and unexpected  loss. He was only 48. I have joined a grief group and also am seeing an individual counselor. I started a journal as well. All have helped somewhat but the truth is, I am still lost and struggling to go on. Please let us know how you are doing.

esmtrs

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #11 on: February 26, 2009, 08:23:53 AM »
To everyone...thank you for all the kind and thoughtful messages.  I am still terribly numb.  The weather here today is horrible, the sky is grey and I do not have any enthusiasm to get out of bed.  I'm afraid I'm sinking into depression.  I still haven't come to terms that Thomas is gone.  We took very good care of each other, we spoilt each other.  He loved my cooking, loved how affectionate and goofy I am, how much I adored and loved him, he knew that he's my whole life and I'd give it up gladly for him.  However, the truth is, Thomas took better care of me than I ever did for him.
 
The faucet in the bathroom started to leak, I simply wrapped a towel around it to stop it from flooding the countertop.  He would have fixed it and I probably would never even know it leaked.  We both had our own TV set from our single lives but had his in the bedroom as it's newer.  His set died last Friday, d%&$ it! Took me five days before I finally replaced it with my old set...that thing was very heavy.  He would have done it immediately so we could still snuggle in bed, watching our favorite shows together. The house we bought is a fixer-upper in an old neighborhood...there's always something to work on, I have no walls in some rooms, just insulation...now what do I do??  I still can't sleep at night in our bed........I've been somewhat a nomad at night.  Neighbor's couch, best friends' house, his mom' house...that was the hardest..staying in his childhood room.

I miss his hugs and kisses, his loving gaze. He's 6 feet tall and I am only 5' 3"..he'd plant kisses on my forehead every day.  He was the most affectionate man...maybe it was because we did not find each other until he was in his 40s.  He promised me that other than his Mom, sister and my nieces, he will never again kiss another woman other than me.  He stayed true to his promise, didn't he?? I'm rambling now.........

I think I need to sleep now...maybe the sun might come around when I get up. E

rita-grammy

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #12 on: February 26, 2009, 04:54:01 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss...if I could I would reach out and give you a hug...but...please remember you had the love that very few people ever find...the love of a lifetime....your soulmate....


peace and love
rita-grammy
I'll love you for always
I'll like you forever
as long as I'm living
my baby you'll be

Jap Jr

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #13 on: February 27, 2009, 09:15:39 AM »
E;

so sorry for your loss and the pain you are having; all you feel is still what I am going through; it was just 3 months this past Satruday; that was probably one of the worst days I have had so far.

just the missing of everything; Jim and I were to be married this year, but didn't have a date set yet; probably would have been September; both of our birthdays are then, and he wanted to be married sometime between our birthdates; he is so sweet. missing him is so unbearable.

ask for help in getting the things around your home fixed; the leaky faucet. For now concentrate on you; making sure you eat, drink plenty of water and fluids, not alcohol or caffeine; get lots of rest. Find a greif group to talk and be able to share what you are going through; they will understand.

praying for you and all of us on this horrible journey we didn't choose to be on.

(((hugs)))

Jap Jr's - Kay



Michelle C

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Re: I'm so lost
« Reply #14 on: February 27, 2009, 06:36:51 PM »
Esmtrs...
Soooo sorry for your loss... My Clarence passed away on 01/06/2009... He was only 58... 10 WONDERFUL years with him... We all understand your pain... Keep coming here... It has helped me so very much... I have a new set of friends that understand everything that I am going through... Hang in there sis...