To everyone...thank you for all the kind and thoughtful messages. I am still terribly numb. The weather here today is horrible, the sky is grey and I do not have any enthusiasm to get out of bed. I'm afraid I'm sinking into depression. I still haven't come to terms that Thomas is gone. We took very good care of each other, we spoilt each other. He loved my cooking, loved how affectionate and goofy I am, how much I adored and loved him, he knew that he's my whole life and I'd give it up gladly for him. However, the truth is, Thomas took better care of me than I ever did for him.
The faucet in the bathroom started to leak, I simply wrapped a towel around it to stop it from flooding the countertop. He would have fixed it and I probably would never even know it leaked. We both had our own TV set from our single lives but had his in the bedroom as it's newer. His set died last Friday, d%&$ it! Took me five days before I finally replaced it with my old set...that thing was very heavy. He would have done it immediately so we could still snuggle in bed, watching our favorite shows together. The house we bought is a fixer-upper in an old neighborhood...there's always something to work on, I have no walls in some rooms, just insulation...now what do I do?? I still can't sleep at night in our bed........I've been somewhat a nomad at night. Neighbor's couch, best friends' house, his mom' house...that was the hardest..staying in his childhood room.
I miss his hugs and kisses, his loving gaze. He's 6 feet tall and I am only 5' 3"..he'd plant kisses on my forehead every day. He was the most affectionate man...maybe it was because we did not find each other until he was in his 40s. He promised me that other than his Mom, sister and my nieces, he will never again kiss another woman other than me. He stayed true to his promise, didn't he?? I'm rambling now.........
I think I need to sleep now...maybe the sun might come around when I get up. E