HI everyone:
Thank you for all of your prayers and thoughts towards me yesterday. All tests were okay, except still elevated blood pressure but almost a month on those so will take time.
Blood work showed something to do with not enough oxygen in blood. was mentioned potentially COPD. Then after listing to front, back, lungs, etc. and a monitor on finger for oxygen levels, said it was fine for now. Come back in 2 months.
Unfortunately a smoker who cut way back when I met Laurence as he didn't smoke or drink (well maybe a beer once a year). When I went back to the dr. yesterday it was the 24th and 2 months since Laurence died.
Such a healthy strong man, go figure. And I am the one with bad habits.
I figured it out once that for him to get the most aggressive nastiest brain cancer there is is .0000000001% of the whole US population. Go figure on that one, too.
Of course, go figure on everyone else here who lost their beloved for no good reason, either. Guess it doesn't have much to do with percentages.
Actually started working again today on my ebay business, just a little but did list some new items. Used to be so exciting, no looks boring, colorless and for what? Yeah, to pay the bills.
Keep thinking how nice it would be to have a 9 to 5, but considering the competition out there and almost a blank resume from being home for so long, I don't know.
Unfortunately?? have always been an entreprenurial type and have had many businesses I've tried. Always had to be a little different than everyone else, I guess.
I was visiting a friend last night and she was just demoted, no bonuses this year, sitting on one of those over-the-top mortgages and house worth 1/2 what it should be. A single mom and her daughter. It's sad that this stress is everywhere, doesn't help much when you are grieving!!!
Trying to figure out where the new me is going from here. Sure am not interested in meeting anyone else; a hug would be nice though. Some confidence back would be great; no fear of the future would be nice, too; I know one day, one minute at a time. I have one of those renegade minds I am trying to rein in.
Very beautiful today here in Phoenix. A nice 80 degrees. Actually went out and pulled some weeds. Soon, though, the HEAT WAVE comes and $350++ air conditioning bills. Oh, that's right, the AC unit fried last September and Laurence who fixed everything couldn't figure out how to even pay his bills. I did that for him. Oh Lord, help!!!
Oh well, looked at my 2 sweet kid's faces, Lauren 11 and Tyler 16, after I picked them up from church youth group tonight and they have no clue what is going on in the world. Much better for them. They still have that youthful optimism; thank God!!
Praying to sleep some tonight; can't stand waking up with a racing heart every day. Takes a couple hours to calm it down.
Sorry for such a long post, but no one else really gets it at all! My mom called tonight (she is is MN) and I couldn't even answer it. I didn't want to say Oh, I'm okay, when I'm really not.........
Peace and love to all of you have helped this adrift orphan. I am soon coming up on my 4th year anniversary in March of meeting Laurence. Wow, never thought it would turn out this way.
Thank you for caring and sharing,
Carrie