Author Topic: Another Bad Day  (Read 3543 times)

Rainman

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Another Bad Day
« on: February 17, 2009, 05:49:57 PM »

The escrow on my new "house" (not a home without Patty) closes next Monday. I am forcing myself to pack.  I had to go through the last of her belongings and decide what to do.  I am keeping a lot of her things but I had to discard a lot of things. 

It was one of the hardest things I have had to do since she left me.  Everytime I threw something away it felt like I was throwing her away or minimizing her importance to me.  It hurt really bad.  Patty was so great at crocheting.  She made a blanket for me when we were dating.  She was in the process of making blankets for 2 of her grandkids.  All of the yarn was there.  I threw all of the yarn away with great distress.  I cried again.

I took all of the stuff out of her shower; razor, shampoo, loofa, skin softeners..you know, all the girly stuff.  THAT, I couldn't throw away.  They will move with me and be put into one of the bathrooms at my new place.

It was 8 weeks ago today that I lost Patty.  It has just been a hard day, all around.  I miss her so much.

Thanks for listening...angels

Ray


Carlina

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Re: Another Bad Day
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2009, 06:58:24 PM »
Rainman,
I know that is very distressful to move without the added burden of sorting through your beloved's belongings. I have not sorted through much of my husband's things yet. I am thankful for being able to stay were I am. I hope that you are able to take each day and slowly adjust to your new place. Find one area in your new home that you can place pictures, personal items, a ball of yarn and needles, or a book so that way you will have Patty in your new home with you. Take care. Carlina

Donna B.

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Re: Another Bad Day
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2009, 07:12:28 PM »
Ray so sorry for your sadness and I know how you feel about getting rid of some things. I finally gave most of Jerry's suits, shoes, shirts, to Am-Vet. A charity he always tried to give to. It has been a year and eight months since he died and it still hurt to give those things away. I like you have kept most of his personal items. Even have some shaving creme and cologne he wore. I didn't have to move out of our house, but sometimes I wonder if it would be better. Everywhere I look I see him.

I can understand how hard a day it has been for you and I know you miss your lovely wife so much. I miss Jerry and sometimes feel overwhelmed without him. We were married for over 38 years. So I hope things get better for you and have read your posts and I am so sorry for your loss. Donna

Michelle C

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Re: Another Bad Day
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2009, 08:28:44 PM »
Ray... I am sooooo sorry for u. I know how much u love patty.....


and remember the "stuff" you have to move without will NEVER measure up to the love you have in your heart...

Be strong...

Prayers and hugs to you all

Michelle

Jap Jr

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Re: Another Bad Day
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2009, 09:08:01 PM »
Ray;

I feel your pain in not only having to move, but what to keep and not keep of Patty's things. I am so sorry you have to do that. Where ever you go, you can take the memories you have and the Love you shared. I have not been able to unpack the suitcase Jim used last; it still sits in the bedroom by the window. I even go so far as to smell his deoderant, and I have his razor, comb, wallet and so many of the "little things" like that.

So far, I have been able to keep our home, but barely keeping my chin above the water. It is very difficult; good thing I got a few $$$ back from income taxes to pay the bills for the next month or two. Then house taxes coming, insurance, and so on and so on. Have already cut back on some things. We were not married yet; so no benefits; all went to his children in the estate.

I hope things get better for you Ray; peace and lots of Hugs

Jap Jr's - Kay

georgiapeaches

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Re: Another Bad Day
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2009, 03:28:24 AM »
Ray,
So sorry for your pain, I'm going through the same thing almost a year later, things still here. My son wears most , I mean all of my husbands clothes and when he walks ito a room its like seeing my husband. Its very painful and my son has no idea. You will get through this. Just know that your Patty loves you so much and is with you every step of the way on this journey your taking. I had to throw a couple of things out, and I know how bad it hurts, but I dont think Patty wants to see you hurting like this. I dont think any of our loved ones would want to see any of us hurting like this, but it does hurt just the same, my heart goes out to you, your not alone in this.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

Luvinmike

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Re: Another Bad Day
« Reply #6 on: February 18, 2009, 05:53:04 AM »
You are in my prayers Ray as you take this necessary, yet exhausting step to move. I agree with Georgia- remember your wife's love for you and be kind to yourself. I sometimes think about if I went first what would I pray for my husband here on earth- some peace I know that.
I have kept some personal things, my most painful thing to find were my Mike's notes on his job, his handwriting was so messy. We always laughed about it. Now I have scraps of paper where he wrote #'s and stuff- they make me happy and sad at the same time. Kind thoughts go out to you, remember to take care of yourself please. Terri

Jap Jr

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Re: Another Bad Day
« Reply #7 on: February 18, 2009, 08:53:13 AM »
luvinmike;

I, too, found notes of Jim's from work stuff; they packed up his office and brought it to me in boxes; have gone through some, but not all - I just looked at his writing and smiled and even saw a couple of notes he made on things I asked him to do for me; that made me cry. It's the little things that are getting to me the most. It's been a hard morning. Feeling that jittery, roller coaster stomach today. Almost scary.

This journey is not one any of us planned to be on, but it does help to come to this site; knowing everyone here understands; others don't.

Just missing Jim so much today and his touch.

Jap Jr's - Kay

georgiapeaches

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Re: Another Bad Day
« Reply #8 on: February 18, 2009, 01:24:04 PM »
The apartment that me and my husband lived in for 13 years, the one we moved out of and into this house , the night he died, just got rented. and when I drove past it today ( its right on main street) it felt like someone kicked me right in my stomach. We lived there for 3/4 of our marriage and raised our children there, were forced out and my husband died from the move, so seeing other people in there , with there smiling faces because they have just moved into a beautiful apartment ( and it was beautiful) just kind of blew me away and took me back alittle today.  It is all just like a rollercoaster. Praying for us all.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY