Author Topic: New Here  (Read 5126 times)

debala

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New Here
« on: February 12, 2009, 08:05:51 PM »
 My little sister who was just 47 when she passed this past Sat. February 7, 2009. She had fought the disease of Lupus since she was 17. Something happened on Fri. Jan 30, she did not show up for dialysis. My other sister who also lives here in Florida called the police to do a well check. When they arrived she was extremely confused and disoriented. She did not know the date. She was calling for our Mom who just passed in Sept. 08. She was admitted into ICU, and after a couple days appeared to be recovering. Then her blood pressure spiked to 275 over something, she went into cardia arrest. They moved her back into ICU and we were told it did not look good and that she was very very Grave condition. My other younger sister and I flew up to New Hampshire from where we live here in Florida. We talked to her told her how much we loved her,told her what a strong girl she has always been. After discussions with the Dr. We were told there was no brain activity. She had been on life support since the second time she went into ICU. The Dr. said if she were to come out of the coma there was no way of knowing her her quality of life, whether she would ever be able to do anything other than be bedridden in an assisted living facility in New Hampshire, where she had no familily. We prayed very hard and decided to discontinue life support. She passed a few minutes later, it was 1:31 in the afternoon. We always had a special bond between us. I am having a very hard time dealing with this loss. My heart is broken and I feel like I am in a bubble. Can someone please help me ? Thanks, Deb

BigSis

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Re: New Here
« Reply #1 on: February 13, 2009, 10:22:36 AM »
Hi

Your feelings are completely normal. The first few days are the worst. I just lost my brother on Dec 12 and it still hurts so much.

Reading through all the previous posts made me understand what one goes through with a loss of a loved one taken away before their normal life span. Your sister is in a better place and her sufferings are over.

Lots of hugs and prayers for you and family.

BigSis

georgiapeaches

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Re: New Here
« Reply #2 on: February 13, 2009, 11:09:19 AM »
Hi,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband and my mother this past year and yeas you do feel like your in a bubble, what a way to describe it. I hope you can find some peace and comfort on this site , there are wonderful people here to support you in your journey. I'm sorry for the reasons you have to be here, but glad you can join us for help. your in my prayers.

Georgia.
MOM                        JOHNNY
 

debala

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Re: New Here
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2009, 02:12:45 PM »
 Thanks You Guys and God Bless you too ! I didn't think I had any replies !!! Today would have been her 48th birthday. I went to church and lit a candle and had a long talk with God ! Thanks Again, Deb

Jillers

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Re: New Here
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2009, 09:02:36 PM »
Everyday is so difficult after such a loss I'm sad for you. My sisters b-day isn't until July but I know it will be a hard day. Having your sisters b-day so close to when she passed must be so hard for you. This web site helps, there are so many stages to go through and the people here understand. Be sad when you feel like it and don't let anyone tell you any different. I'm glad you were able to get to your sister before she passed. Sounds like you had a wonderful friendship with her and she knew how much you loved her. Hang in there know you are in our thoughts.

Jillers

Luvinmike

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Re: New Here
« Reply #5 on: February 14, 2009, 02:46:37 PM »
Thinking of you Debala, sorry for your loss. Kind thoughts of peace, comfort and strength sent your way. Terri

debala

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Re: New Here
« Reply #6 on: February 15, 2009, 04:58:50 AM »
 :'( I'm really in so much pain, I have been up all night I live alone, buts your replies have given me so so much comfort. My heart is breaking with the sadness, the loss and the reality that she is gone. I just don't know what to do. Love, Deb

Luvinmike

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Re: New Here
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2009, 07:13:44 AM »
Hi Debala,
I hope you are well. A few of the things I have done in the past eight months to alleviate my anxiety or fears and grief when overwhelmed:
Walk, walk, walk, drink water, write in a journal, make scrapbooks, put photos together in boxes or frames, mostly cry and just struggle through each day, laugh with friends, pet our dog!, eat healthy, took a day trip to New York City, scenic drives, play Pitch (cards), write old friends some long old fashioned notes, they love them.

Snail mail is fun to get. I have learned to knit and I am in a group. Watch movies, relax. Cry and remember my husband. Plan a fundraiser for June 1st to celebrate his memories with all of the people who miss him and understand. Mostly in the beginning- talk to one or two people exclusively about my husband's death. Tell the story.
 Therapy, grief support groups. COMING on HERE and reading old posts. I continue to read and cry over the beautiful childrens' photos.
Cook using a crockpot. A million distractions. And a million times being present with my feelings, it is grief and it is hard.
Take any ideas from above or leave them as with all advice; you know best what helps.
 I am so very sorry for your loss of your baby sister. Prayers go out to you. Terri

BigSis

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Re: New Here
« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2009, 09:06:16 AM »
Hi Debala

My prayers and hugs for you. It is hard since very few people understand what we are going through. I like re-reading the posts in this board as all the feelings of anger, frustration and intense grief are common. When I read about the NY air crash was thinking how unfairly these lives were cut short. They were all healthy normal good people and this loss must be devastating for their near and dear. Our hearts go out to their families.

Hang in there. To repeat the cliche 'Time will heal'. When my brother passed away, my sister was taking about it to her friend's mom. She said that we have to be so grateful that we had his presence in our lives. We have to think of the good memories and accept their loss. It is completely normal to break down and cry yr heart out but it cannot overwhelm our life. Give it some time for things to settle down. Believe me things will never be normal but we will heal. A part of us is gone with our loved one's passing but we have to pick the pieces up and move on.

I went to my Drs last week for a follow up and told her what happened. Then I started crying. She said that if I was feeling depressed, I should tell her and she would put me on anti depression meds. I realized that I can pull myself up. You should go on long walks and get some exercise. That will help. Even half an hour on the treadmill will release the anxiety.

Take care,

BigSis